Can you create a funny story using at least 5 of these phrases??

Question

1) Crapola is a perfectly good English word! it EXACTLY describes________.
2) Eat, eat,food is good!!
3) Do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?
4) So then I'll be thin and miserable...GREAT!!
5) Feel the energy flowing into your body...now feel......
6) Six months is an eternity! I
7) Yes, I adore them!
8) OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious!

OH My!! funny stuff!!

Answer 1

I USED ALL OF 'EM!!!

Diet of the Day
By Maggie

Sammy sat down in her school cafeteria and sighed loudly to herself, " Feel the energy flowing into your body... now feel.... feel your soul expanding, filling in the hunger in your stomach."

" OH BROTHER... you can't be serious!" John exclaimed, plopping down on the seat beside her, " What's the newest diet craze now?"

" I have to meditate before every meal," Sammy said, " I have to envision my soul filling my stomach. Keeps me full."

" Mmm. Soul food." Nick said, coming up from behind them. He sat on the other side of Sammy.

" Eat, eat, food is good!!!" John cried out, exasperated. "Plus, last I checked, having something eat your soul was a BAD thing."

" Yeah. But I'm the one eating my own soul, so I'm keeping it. It's not like Satan's sucking my soul down a straw or something," Sammy looked enviously at Nick's plate, which held a gorgeously scrumptious sandwich, " I didn't know you liked BLT's."

" Yes, I adore them!" Nick chimed. He opened his sandwich and dumped an entire plastic cup full of mayo into it.

" Do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?" Sammy shrieked.

" Enough so that I can go to sleep right now and hibernate all winter," Nick replied, " Who cares, anyway? At least I'm not driving myself crazy with every crackpot diet out there. How long is THIS one gonna take?"

" Six months, give or take," Sammy murmured under her breath.

" Six months is an eternity! I could have, like, 2/3 of a baby in that time!" John added into the conversation. He himself was choking down pasta like it was nobody's business.

" Actually, you would have ZERO amount of baby in that time, as you don't have a uterus, John," Sammy said grumpily.

" If I recall correctly, I have never shown you the status of my uterus and whether it is there or not," John said, " And my point is, you should do something better with your time."

" That's crapola," Nick said, " Sammy has no hobbies or personality outside of dieting, remember?"

" Crapola?" Sammy and John asked.

" Crapola is a perfectly good English word! It EXACTLY describes this diet of yours, for instance," Nick waved his fork in Sammy's face, " Do you have any idea what constant dieting will do to you? It'll throw your brain chemistry out of whack. You'll go ape-poop and climb up a water tower, like that whacked out Marine sniper that lost his mind, remember?"

" So then I'll be thin and miserable... GREAT!!" Sammy grumbled. She looked at Nick, yanked the fork from his hand, and forked a gigantic scoop of mayo into her mouth.

" Welcome back, Sammy," John laughed, " So what's the next diet?"

" Well... I've heard about the standing upside down to increase metabolism diet..." Sammy began.

" Oh man. Call Cirque du Soleil now, Nick," John grumbled, as Sammy began to wolf through the food on both of their plates, " Let's see how well THAT one goes."

The End
....

Answer 2

Crapola is a perfectly good English word! it EXACTLY describes what many people believe to be something we all want to hear. My mother used to say "Eat, eat, food is good!!", which sounded like she was Italian which was really strange as she was Irish.
I'd always counter back to her, "Do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?" - that was when she'd just served me a big steam bowl of her famous potato porridge (or Crapola, as we used to call it) for the 5th time this week (and it was only Tuesday).
She say, "But Marco, you so skinny...like a stick, you are!" - again sounding Italian (I think she was having a thing for the Italian butcher Luigi)...things would just get louder...I'd say, " So then I'll be thin and miserable...GREAT!!"
So, I'd storm out of the house to see my friendly neighbourhood hooker, who was also a Reiki therapist - her slogan used to be " Feel the energy flowing into your body... now feel yourself flowing into MY body..." - Lola was a strange woman but still looked good for a 76 year-old hooker with no teeth.
She'd always say to me, "Mi amore, why don't you love me anymore? (sounding very French which was strange because Lola was Armenian) I don't see you now for 3 days and Six months is an eternity! I" I was never sure what that meant...
I remember once when Lola saved up and bought herself 2 new melons (believe me, after 76 years she needed new ones)...She said, Marco, mi Amore (she always said mi, Amore), do you like...no...do you crave my new melons?"...and I said, "Yes, I adore them!"
Lola said, "OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious! Then wait 'till you see my new t*ts!"

Answer 3

[Crapola is a perfectly good English word! it EXACTLY describes] the color of crap based into a Crayola Crayon! It should be added to the English Unabridged dictionary with a picture of a bowl of your mothers lumpy gravy in the margin. Both are crapola!

It's doesn't even contain any nutritional value. It's both high in colesterahol and fats, plus [do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?] I'd say, at least a kilzillion.

How many times can I resist her generous offers for " more gravy dear?" when we are visiting over the holidays?
"No thankyou", I politely decline, Her continuous bidding and jabbing comments. "[So then I'll be thin and miserable...GREAT!!] ,she'd pout and hit the filled gravy boat hard on the table sploshing it over and it's little flour lumps ooze down the sides.

"Do you like Mashed potatoes?" she'd wince.
I should have known she was up to something with that question but I was too quick in my reply, [ Yes, I adore them!"

Uh oh, here it comes-- and the biggest scoop full of mashed potatoes I've ever seen dolloped onto my dinner platter.

[' Eat, eat,food is good!!]' Yes? Now, you must have gravy on those mashed potatoes, yes?

"Uh, no thankyou." I like mine plain.

"You are going to eat my gravy , missy, if I have to hold you down and pour it down your skinny little throat." " She said.

I gasped, [ OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious!"]

"You just wait and see how serious I am " And dear fat mother-in law- got up from that table, drug me to the floor and with one knee on my chest and the other tilting my head back , she proeceeded to pour that crapola she calls gravy down my throat.

[ Feel the energy flowing into your body...now feel......] the strength flowing into your veins!" she chided. Feel it! Feel it!

" Yes! Yes!" I gurgled. I feel it yes! That is enough feeling now, I said wiping one of the brown lumps off my chin.

I think now, when I want to decline such an invitation the next time your mother invites us to a holiday dinner, I'll make sure she serves it in a smaller gravy boat.

Answer 4

"Eat, eat,food is good!!" proclaimed the big neon burger outside of Fatso's.
John plopped down on the bench right by the window as the burger started a chant of, "Feel the energy flowing into your body...now feel......"
He ordered a fried beef patty with extra everything but vegetables.
"Do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?" Sula asked as she sat down next to him.
"Don't know, don't care." John replied. He feasted on his disgustingly fatty burger when it arrived.
--------------1 week later-----------------
"OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious! You did not think you could fit in those pants!" Sula stared at her friend. He had grown 6 sizes outward since that trip to Fatso's.
"Yes, I adore them!" John shouted.
"It'll take six months for you to lose enough weight to fit in those jeans."
"Six months is an eternity! I--screw this I'm gettin' liposuction!"

Answer 5

This is about as 'wicked' and 'funny' as I can get right now. LOL ROSE RED---MY NAME IS ROSE RED and don;t you forget it. 'Why?', you may ask. Well, let me tell you, number one, I have this vibrant flaming red hair. Number two, I have this tiny little birthmark on my as---uh---never mind where. 'HOW CAN YOU REALLY TELL?' you ask. Well----You can't unless I drop my drawers and I don't drop my drawers for just anyone. But, come to think about it, there was this one man. Every time I saw him my drawers went half mast all on there own! He once stopped me and said, 'I'D LOVE TO MEET WITH YOU--HOW DOES 12 NOON SOUND?' My drawers went all the way to my ankles just like that--like that---like that---Dang! Never could snap my fingers. BEFORE THIS I NEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED that an article of clothing could have a mind of its own. Anyway, he just looked down at my drawers pooling around my ankles and smiled that sexy smile of his as he unwound a piece of wire wrapped around the hitching post next to him and held it out to me. I told him SURELY YOU DO NOT EXPECT ME TO USE THAT---THING!!! He just grinned back at me and said, 'Until noon.' I tell you, WIRE TAPPING IS AGAINST THE LAW in my books or should be. That dang piece of wire scratches but it held my drawers up 'til noon. His name? Well---Marshal Matt Dillon. Who else? (I hope Sunshine doesn't come gunning for me. LOL)

Answer 6

On thanksgiving my uncle said to my aunt "Eat, eat,food is good!!" She said "No thanks I'm on a diet. So then I'll be thin and miserable...GREAT!!" My Uncle was eating a big slice of pumpkin pie my aunt said "Do you have any idea how many calories that contains!?" He said " I dont care" She said in disgust "You just adore those pies don't you!" He said "Yes, I adore them!" Then she said "OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious!" Then they all went home and slept.

Answer 7

Silva, Sunshine, Matt, Sarge and ...... Miss Kitty

Previously:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsM1u7nYVmJwnrh.Cz7RC07sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071206155823AAtlsR2&show=7#profile-info-AA11728993

And Now:

"From Boughs of Holly To The BOWELS of The Castle"

Matt yelled down to Kitty:" Stop screaming at Sunshine. She's doing her best to figure out how to help you."
Kitty: "(1) Crapola is a perfectly good English word! it EXACTLY describes that moronic girlfriend of yours!!"
Meanwhile Silva was eying the good looking busboy who was nibbling left-overs from the table he was clearing.
Silva:" (2) Eat, eat,food is good!! Go for it, babe!! Hey....Here's my card. "
He took the card and winked at her as he stuffed some remnants of asparagus into his mouth. Silva watched him walk away, delighted he was wearing spandex!!
Sunshine was still trying to work out a plan to save Kitty.
Sarge:"SUNSHINE!!! You're not eating chocolate covered raisins while Miss Kitty is in peril....are you?!"
Sunshine:"(4) So then I'll be thin and miserable...GREAT!!"
Matt spoke with management and learned of a back staircase that would lead them to the basement. They apologized profusely for the accident and waived the costs for the entire weekend.
Sunshine:"That was jolly nice of him"
From the basement could be heard:" Hell LOOOOOOO !! I'm still HEREEEEEEEEE !!"


By the time Matt et al reached Kitty, she had gotten to her feet, albeit a little wobbly.
Sarge rushed over to her:"Are you okay?!"
Kitty, with her bouffant comPLETELY in her eyes, yelled:
" I am FREEZING !!"
Matt started massaging her arms: "(5) Feel the energy flowing into your body...now feel...."
Kitty interrupted him:"Oh, MATT. TAKE ME! TAKE ME!"
Sarge tapped Matt on the shoulder:" Uhhhhh, guys.....I think I see a ghost!!"
Silva screamed!
Sarge gulped!
Matt broke free of Kitty's grasp!
Kitty dodged the wild kicks being delivered by an irate Sunshine!!

The ghost walked slowly toward the group. Everyone got behind Matt who suddenly discovered he had a weak bladder!
The ghost reached out and grabbed Kitty!!
Kitty:"(8) OH BROTHER.....you can't be serious!" She tugged on the sheet covering the ghost.... It was....................................... the busboy!!!
Busboy: "Silva, my darling!!!!!!"
Silva:" SUGAR BRITCHES!!!"