*****
Do not lie to my face
As you stomp around the place
Trying hard to find a way of blaming me
I’ll be lost without a trace
You’ll have lots more empty space
If you cannot face the cold reality
I love you, not what you do
I’m your man, but will not stand
By and watch you die
The Cocaine way
*****
2007-12-06 10:15:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
a bit of nip-tuck there and here,would make a cool swift shuffle down and dirty blues tune.it's got a "hook".
play it in the key of Fmajor,so one could blow on a Bflat harp(harmonica).2nd position harp.it's good.(tight)
dorian.
2007-12-06 11:07:35 · answer #1 · answered by dorian 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I like th wording TD.
But the Structure itself-- First Stanza = 3lines, Second Stanza = 3 Lines, while the Third Stanza possesses 4Lines. Any special reason?
I expected the 1st Line of the 2nd Stanza to be "You'll be lost without a trace" and not "I'll...." because of the wording that follows after them.
Nice and great work.
They dub you a Guinness, i dub you a genius!
Keep it up!
2007-12-06 18:43:52 · answer #2 · answered by Freeman ®™© Resurrected 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A poetic Guinness, that's good. Stout, and served at room temperature. Guinness make you strong, etc. Do your metaphors sink like the bubbles in your namesake brew? A pitcher is worth a thousand words, as they say.
2007-12-06 18:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by yerfavoritefiddler 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
WOW!!! Tough love and letting them hit rock bottom is the only two ways I know of to battle a drug problem.
Your poem is 'tough love'. And I thoroughly LOVE it, even if it is to a 'past' ot 'present' friend! I would have written something a lot more 'untouching'...this poem touches me...my best ever girl type friend(see what 'lesbian' forces us to say?) was a meth junkie, until she got pregnant. We both believe that's the only thing that saved her.
Well done...to the heart!!!
Elysabeth Faslund...Poemhunter.com
2007-12-06 19:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by Elysabeth 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Good stuff. A poetic Guinness indeed! I myself am a moderately artistic Molson.
2007-12-06 18:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by subprimelendor 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I much prefer cocaine to Guinness, honestly.
2007-12-06 18:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Wow, dude. You have real talent. I normally am not that into poetry, but I like your stuff, I really do. You have a gift and way with words that is to be admired.
2007-12-06 18:22:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like my wife. Nag, nag, nag.
Just kidding.
2007-12-06 19:17:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would not eat them in a box, I would not eat them with a fox....try amore complex rhyming pattern
2007-12-06 18:20:48 · answer #9 · answered by Dchapl78 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps you should learn to spell correctly before you post things like this question?
2007-12-06 18:23:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kristin 3 · 4⤊ 4⤋