Have you ever experienced this? or are currently experiencing it?

Question

Where you have 2 choices. The first choice is your spouse whom you've committed to building a future with. Your spouse offers you love, stability, commitment, loyalty and the security of knowing that you will always be together. But there is a lack of passion in this marriage.... for several reasons, kids, work, schedules, etc... Then this second choice comes along out of the blue and you begin building a relationship with this individual and this relationship promises a large possibility of this passion & intimacy you've been missing in your marriage with your spouse. They make you smiles when u hear their voice and you look forward to seeing them every chance you get. However, there is no stability in this relationship. Because if the feelings ever go away, you have nothing...

Feelings come and go, and this in love feeling that you have towards this person and which this person also has toward you is something that you don't have in your own marriage... So what would you do? and why? Do you pass up this opportunity and hope that passion will be rekindled in your own marriage or do you take this opportunity of passion & intimacy outside of your marriage? Please explain and share your experiences if any... Do you regret it? What do you regret?

My wife and I are researching this, thats the purpose of this question.

My wife and I are researching this, thats the purpose of this question.

Answer 1

Eventually no matter who you end up with, whether it is your wife or another woman, the passion will eventually fade, and that is when real love shows its true colors. If you really love your wife and she really loves you then you both will work to find that passion again, and if you don't you will find someone else and you will have passion for awhile but that will fade too. You have to find a new way to create passion with your wife it can happen and once you learn to have a passionate relationship with your wife that isn't based on the excitement of being with someone new it will be lasting.

Answer 2

You are a point a lot of people come to at some point in their life. Its very normal for your marriage to get dull and for it to lose its passion as time passes. Love is always there and I know you love your spouse but you no longer feel in love and that really sucks!

This will definitely be up to you. YOu have to think of the options and the possible failure of picking either option. Stay with wife and be loyal means you lose the other person but you can always try and create passion back with your wife.

OR

You can go ahead with this other person, take your chances and be happy but who is to say how long that would last. When it goes away, are you back to square one? Are you going to meet someone else that can offer you passion and walk away from this person again coz the passion died?

Its a tough decision but whatever you do, please dont regret it and you have to be ready to take full responsibility if it goes downhill. Everything new seems great but after a while what will it come to?? Think of that.

Good luck and I hope you make the right choice. You know what they say, the grass always look greener on the other side but once you get there you will realize its pretty much the same and you might miss the side you were on or even regret not beingable to go back. And lose all you've build on that side as well.

I've seen people doign this and regretting it coz their relationship was great but passionless to walk into a fun relationship with a new person and that person ended up sh*tty so they lost on both counts! Think very carefully.

Answer 3

The surest way to have a big appetite is miss a couple meals. If your marriage is the thing you arent 'hungry for', then 'snacking' with someone else (no matter how non-physical) is certainly not going to INCREASE your appetite for your marriage. In fact you might become a 'junk food junkie'.

Bottom line, you have to guard your marriage. If you lay certain boundaries then there is no such thing as out of the blue, feel me? I can stumble across men every day but nothing is going to jump off because I dont entertain the 'hello'. I dont give that smile..that green light or whatever.

Sorry for not answering the what do you do (after you've fallen)...Im of the mindset that you place certain boundaries in place so that you DONT fall.

So long as you keep your eyes, your emotions and your body reserved FOR your spouse....then there's no way to have that lack of passion. You also have to appreciate that your spouse is YOURS...and they crave YOU to fill all their physical/emotional needs. That alone is sexy enough to keep the sparks flying.

Answer 4

You are about to make a huge mistake - one you can never undo. Don't mess up!!! Don't even think of it!!!! How could you hurt the woman who loves you so much and your children and families...divorce hurts a lot of people.

Control yourself and YOU be the one to add passion to your marriage. Go on a marriage retreat (churches hold them); take her out dancing and only look at her all evening - she'll be impressed.

Run from this other woman like the plague - that's what she is to you and your marriage. One moment of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of misery....and guilt. Don't talk to her, don't call, don't even look at her...

Have a fun family game night once a week.

Go to church and really listen to the preacher and to God.

Introduce your wife everywhere as Miss Universe and My Beloved Bride.

If you make your wife feel pretty and special all the time, she'll do the same for you.

Focus on how you can make your wife's and children's lives happy - it is your duty, priviledge, and joy!!!!

Make being a husband a fine art.

Live your life without regret.

Joy to you!

Answer 5

Just a warning...affairs are always full of passion and intimacy...that's why they happen. It's new and exciting, but when people marry those they cheat with, it's like a 70% divorce rate. That's why you can already see the instability. You're not happy with your marriage, and your looking elsewhere to fix the problem rather than looking at your MARRIAGE to fix. And from the way it looks, your spouse doesn't owe it to you to fix the marriage now.

COMMUNICATION, people...communication! My gosh, you're married to someone and can't even talk to them about your problems? I don't get it! What's so hard about saying, honey I think we need to find a way to rekindle our passion!

A marriage is work, and you have to work on it with your spouse...not another person...you've only made it worse.

Answer 6

Passion isn't something that is forever, companionship, fidelity in sickness and in health, building that future together and security for the kids has more sustenance in the long run.. That affair you are thinking about is going to fizzle out because people can't keep passion up for decades.. there is too many things that happen.. called, kids, work, schedules, it repeats again and then you go wandering around for the third one. If more people would figure that out there would be heck of a lot less work for divorce lawyers!
Regarding part 2, yes, if you two really want the rekindling to happen it will happen but it ebbs and flows like the tide.. it is not a constant and you should not expect it to be.

Answer 7

So you think that you'll be able to keep the passion with your girlfriend alive, while going through a divorce, giving more than half your assets to your wife (adulterers get as little as possible), seeing your kids every other weekend and holiday, moving into your own apartment, paying child support, listening to your ex complain, the kids cry and the new girlfriend complain about why all your money is still going to the ex? Yeah, good luck with that.

If you loved your wife, you wouldn't be "building" anything with anyone else. Grow up and be a real man for a change.

Answer 8

After you marry this new individual, have kids and start a family it will be just like your first marraige. Lack of passion in your current relationship is not caused by your spouse, but for the reasons you have stated above. Question is what are you personally doing to remedy this situation to rekindle, to recreate the passion between you and your wife. Walking about is always an easy option, but cowardly.....

You will go through this cycle several times in your life, are you going to quit each time. Think about it.

Answer 9

You need to make your relationship with your wife work out because you have a family and that should mean more to you then anything else. Make time for you and your wife get someone to watch the kids take off work if you have to but don't use an excuse of why there isn't any passion. Go see your wife and kids spend time with them and don't let that girl cross your mind.

Answer 10

The feelings around the second choice will go away. It's not worth ruining a committed relationship. Use your experience to find a way to add passion in your marriage. Spice up what you have, instead of looking elsewhere. Finding someone else will only feel good temporarily, but in the long run it will cause a lot of pain and heartache.