Help! My husband and I are stationed in ND, our family is from NC. Our baby is due in Feb and my father in law has invited himself to fly up for the birth and stay here for ONE MONTH! My mom will be here for only 1 week. My hubby only has two weeks off of work. I know I won't have the energy to be a good host, or to clean up after my lazy father in law. Does anyone else think one month is a long time to visit. How am I supposed to find time to bond with my husband and new baby with a guest there for a whole month. Please help!
2007-12-06 08:23:05 · 14 answers · asked by Mommy2Be82 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Why? I mean, I think its lovely that he feels so close to you all, but its a bit presumptious of him. No-one should impose themselves on a new mum and baby, not even her own mother! I wouldn't think you will want anyone around for the first 24 hours anyway, regardless of whether you have a "natural" or assisted birth. Either way, you will want to recover a little and keep that special time for your husband and new child.
With my first baby, I asked my husband's family to please not come to the hospital for 24hrs after (I was having a c-section and would be attached to various bits of kit and not exactly looking my best!) They mostly ignored this and breezed into the observation ward and threw back my curtains without preamble, because they "just had to come"!! Sounds like you have an equally impulsive family member who's forgotten who's birthday it is.
Just remember, this, like your wedding day, is your day. Its you that calls the shots. Our lovely husbands have to go along with what we say. They know this, so just remind him and stick to your position.
My parents stayed for 2 weeks after my first child and I was desperate for them to go. My SIL had her MIL over from SA for a month and was at her wits end by wk 2 as she was never alone with her baby.
See if he can stay locally, but not in your house. Agree that he can visit at certain times of day, but not at others. The hospitals insist on a "no visitors" policy between 12 and 3 (again MIL and entourage ignored this and were barred from my room by my guardian husband!) Its a good policy to maintain once you are home again. You may find you need to sleep anyway at this time.
Both you and the baby will need time to sleep/feed/bathe/get dressed before lunch (sometimes!) and bond and become a family instead of a couple. Your husband will need time to get to know his child. You will not be able to "look after" his father during this time anyway. Its going to be your job to look after yourself and the baby. That is going to be quite enough, trust me!
May I suggest that, as this is your father in law, its your husbands responsibility to tackle the difficult situation, head-on. He must be firm and stick to whatever decision you two make. No wavering. Its up to him to protect you from all and any additional stress over this and during his fathers' long visit. Its part of his job! If he leaves you with this dilemma you will be an emotional wreck due to tiredness and hormones. Tell him what you really want him to do and expect him to sort it out! I'm sure he'll surprise you once you explain how you feel.
Best of luck and I wish you well for February.
2007-12-06 09:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Speaking from experience only let people stay with you who are going to be helpful. They should be there for you not the baby and by this I mean cooking, cleaning, and giving you a break so you can rest when and if you want it. This should allow you time to relax and enjoy your new role as parents. My inlaws came to stay for two weeks when my son was two weeks old and it was so stressful and it hurt my breastfeeding since they were anti and I had to hide out in my own home to feed my son. So if your guests are going to be supportive I say it's a nice thing but if not then put your foot down. Also remembr that a new baby is very exciting to family and friends but you do need to ake care of yourself. Congrats it's so exciting to add to your family!
2007-12-06 16:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by sanzoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor soul! One week is too long if you ask me never mind a month! You need to tell him as soon as possible. What could he do anyways? It is a compliment knowing he wants to be in your lives. Tell him that you would prefer if he came later when the baby develops a personality. I couldn't stand having someone over all day never mind a week or a month. Good luck. Someone's feelings may get hurt here.
2007-12-06 16:33:38 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh no! Awful! Youll have to get husband to tell him he can stay for a week...that will be plenty...too much actually...not being funny but he's a man and of the older generation...its not as if he's your Mother in LAw who would at least be helpful....why not get husband to put a stop to that right away....honestly...youll regret it..I had my Mother in Aw for a month and even though she did a lot round the house, I couldnt stand it in the end...you need to be with your own family now.
2007-12-06 16:29:31 · answer #4 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends, will the father in law's stay overlap with your husband's being home? If so, then no its not bad since you wont have to entertain. But if not and you're alone with him, then yes its a long time. You wont be able to rest properly or have the privacy you'll need to take care of the child in peace.
2007-12-06 16:52:20 · answer #5 · answered by gc525 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to put his foot down to his father NOW! I couldn't stand anyone besides my husband for more than a couple hours. Tell your father-in-law he can come when the baby is over 6 months old if he wants to stay that long.
2007-12-06 16:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by Meems 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If your husband has two weeks off, then your father in law should be limited to the time within those two weeks.
2007-12-06 16:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by greek_44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to tell his dad that he either needs to clean up after himself or he needs to stay in a hotel. Flat out. He just needs to lay down the law and tell him that you will not be taking care of his needs. He is an adult and he can take care of himself.
2007-12-06 16:29:09 · answer #8 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father in law will be bonding with the baby, not you. You will get plenty of time to bond with the baby, and you can bond with the baby while the father in law is there.
2007-12-06 16:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by thegreatone 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't sound comfortable with it and that's what matters. Tell your husband to tell his father that you guys would be happy if he came, but that you think (compromise on however long you think you'll be up for it).
Good Luck!
2007-12-06 16:28:27 · answer #10 · answered by Jennield 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋