I've been married for about 2 years (together for 6). Over the last 6 months I've been having an affair. I fell in love with another man. Meanwhile working out the problems with my husband who I love also. My marriage is going ok, but I can't - I don't want to stop seeing this other guy. I love him, he is my match. Do I just carry on like this? I can't bear the thought of leaving either one of them.
2007-12-06 08:22:08 · 44 answers · asked by Leo Lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are so selfish. You don't love either one of them.....You don't even love yourself.
2007-12-06 08:25:02 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 8⤊ 2⤋
I think you have to understand that by not choosing you are being selfish. You are not looking out for them - the ones that you love.
Your going through all this work to fix your marriage but you feel you have met your real soul mate. What is this guy offering? What are his intentions? Does he feel the same way?
Your husband now- is he working hard to fix the relationship? Is he putting in the extra time to improve things and make a real go at everything? You married him for a reason - what were those reasons?
You have to consider all these things. If you leave your husband is this other guy wanting to get really serious with you and possibly take it to marriage? Or is he knowingly having an affair and still doing his own thing while you are home with your husband?
There is so much to ponder on this question. There is a need for more information. While on the other hand you could consider that marriage is a sacred vow. You vowed to love your husband no matter what, sickness health and make a real go at it. 2 years of marriage thats when its the most rocky. You dont know what great things could be ahead for you - you husband loved you and made a committment to you...
This guy you are with... knowing nothing about him I have to side with your husband who has been there for you countless times for the past 6 years.
6 months in a new relationship. everything is new and fun and your discovering it all... but you have already invested 6 years in a good man. what happens when things stop being new with this new guy.
My advice is to stick with your husband - put all that extra energy into getting back that spark you lost in your own relationship. This new guy while it was fun - has to go because he is jepardizing everything you have really wanted and worked for.
2007-12-06 08:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by Faithful_tab 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! Let me tell you that I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. I too was in the same boat a couple of months ago and I was so torn and I would post things on here and people would just eat me alive but no one will understand what you are going thru unless they have been in your shoes. I love my husband too but I was always left alone and he was never affectionate and the guy I was having an affaor with was everything my husband was not. actually got caught and had to face the situation head on. After many fights and therapy and crying and weighing my options, my husband and I decide to divorce (married 3 years together 9 years). I knew that I was not the type of person to have an affair so I had to think that, "things really do happen for a reason". I still love my husband very much but when I am with the other guy I just feel complete. Go with your gut. If you are not the type of person who would normally have an affair than follow your heart. So many people told me to follow my heart but I couldnt figure out what that was, b/c my heart was pulling me in two different directions. I still cry thinking about my husband but then I think about why I had an affair and what led me to seek affection elsewhere. What people didnt realize was that I not only had a physical affair but it was more of an EMOTIONAL affair, I had fallen in love with the guy. Gosh I feel for you, and I never wish this situation on ANYONE! Overall, I am with the guy that I had the affair with and I am happier than I have ever been. I had to finally realize that I love my husband and was comfortable with him but I am IN love with the other guy. Good Luck and trust me only time will heal. I am still in the healing process...
2007-12-06 08:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by A T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a sticky situation. Do you think you rushed into a marriage with your current husband? The fact that you are cheating on him doesn't show that you really care about or love him. (I'm not saying that you don't, but if you fell in love with another man, there had to have been something missing in your marriage). I think it's important for you and the ones you love to be happy. Think about if your husband were to have an affair. How would you feel?
It comes down to what is right and wrong...and what feels right and what doesn't. Either way, you need to take into consideration that both of these men have feelings and it's not fair to be with both of them. Make a decision and choose to be with one and only one of these guys...that way the other is free to live his life and be in a healthy relationship!! Good luck <3
2007-12-06 08:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't have the best of both worlds
what if your husband came home and told you what you just told the world on yahoo answers-- he's in love with another woman
whether you end up with one or the other isn't your decision now, it's your husband.
it seems like you would be content with either one, but you can't live a lie cheating on your husband. if he will take you back, then you have to stay with him, unless the other guy is more important. you can't just juggle people's heart's, especially your husband's
also, what make you the exception to marriage vows? you chose to do this, why would you do this to the "two men you love the most?" is the man your having an affair on aware you are married? or is he married, too
2007-12-06 08:27:22 · answer #5 · answered by Meg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why cheating is wrong. Not because of the morality involved, but because of the hurt feelings that you're going to have in your life. It's not worth it! The only way that you can give your love fully to your husband is to leave the guy you had the affair with. The only way to love the guy you have the affair with is to leave your husband. There has to be a choice made eventually. It's not fair to either one of them, and it certainly isn't fair to you either to have to go through all of this. Having both of them can only go on for so long.
Does your husband know about the affair and that you actually love this man?
2007-12-06 08:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm just going to be blunt here. By cheating on your husband you are not exhibiting love for him at all. If you truly loved your husband, it would be impossible to fall in love with another man. These things just don't happen by accident. No, your marriage is not going "OK". Hello! You cheated on your husband. If this other guy is "your match" as you say, do your husband a big huge favor and divorce him and let him find a woman who will honor her marriage commitment and vows. If your husband has been faithful to you, then he deserves better. He really does.
2007-12-06 08:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by Jasco 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People on here are so mean. Yes, cheating is morally wrong, but you only live once, and what if you ended up with the person you were not supposed to due to circumstance? I can relate to you. I have not had a relationship with someone else, but I feel like my husband and are not meant to be. Everything happened so fast. These people don't know what the hell they are talking about, calling you a whore or other bad names. I hope you make the right decision. Good luck to you.
2007-12-06 09:07:12 · answer #8 · answered by aries8422 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if your husband finds out about ****, don't you suppose THAT will be the end of your marriage??? And what happens if **** decides he wants something more? Are you going to leave Tom then?
Look, you just got done saying you are trying to fix your marriage. If that's the case, then tell **** to take a hike and devote yourself to Tom and UPHOLD YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS.
If you're not REALLY into the marriage as much as you claim, then tell Tom what's what and then you can have your life with ****.
Either way, you have reached the "sh!t or get off the pot" juncture in your life.
2007-12-06 08:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont kid yourself- you cant keep going like that- not only that- good luck trying to make a marriage work with a whole lot of lies when he turns his back. Youve got yourself in a hell of a situation and to be honest I dont feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for that husband thats trying to support you and youre behind his back fowling it all up. I wouldnt keep wasting his time if I were you. I would let both of them go and work on bettering yourself before backstabbing someone that cared about you in his back. But if he's done the same to you than I would tell you to get the hell out of that relationship because then it would really be a ridiculous mess.
2007-12-06 08:32:17 · answer #10 · answered by Iris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to come clean w/ your hubby and he may bolt and the decision is made already. It's absolutely unfair to string both men along, especially if they're both good guys. Your husband deserves to hear the truth, and tell him exactly what you said in your post. Tell him you love them both and are confused and conflicted. I just hope there are no children involved. BTW, any man who is willing to be a married woman's lover is probably not too high on the moral and value scale.
2007-12-06 08:27:39 · answer #11 · answered by asm670 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋