I'm going through a divorce right now, and I'm going to be moving back to my home state, getting a new job and starting school (college). I've never lived without roomates or anything, and my best friend in the world is deployed to Iraq until February 2009. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to keep the lonliness from driving me crazy. I'm trying to keep busy, but at night I know it's going to get to me. Any suggestions?
2007-12-06 08:03:35 · 20 answers · asked by ivyheatherclover 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With a job and school, you aren't going to have time to be too lonely.
Turn off the TV and get out side. Meet your neighbors, old ,young, men women, bake cookies for the invalid upstairs.
YOU do not have to spend one second alone-but it is a GREAT idea.
Spend time every day, still and quiet. Let you inner self talk to you. Dream big and go with it.
Exercise, walk, take pictures, get on the bus and just ride around your new town.Go to study groups at school.
Go to lectures at school, get to a gym.
Eat right.
Use this time to DEVELOP as a person. READ!
WAIT at least a year before getting into a relationship again. Rest and recuperate. Heal your heart. Do what YOU want to do. Eat crackers in bed, wear holey jockey shorts, don't shave, whatever you want.
Travel. Sign up for a weekend at a lake with a couple of new girlfriends.
PS something that really helped me was getting a little bed. I didn't have a huge bed with a big empty hole in it, but a tiny bed with no room for a partner for a while.(Twin bed, make it pretty and girlie.)
2007-12-06 08:23:38 · answer #1 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the reasons for your divorce and without knowing your wife, it's hard to answer this. It sounds like this didn't just come out of the blue and has been brewing for some time. If you didn't want the divorce and you think she might feel the same way deep inside or that she may regret it and come around, then there would be hope. If you still love her and you think she still loves you, then you should try. Ask yourself: why did you two get married in the first place? What changed? What would you do differently if you had another chance? You said you still love her and you have babies together. I don't think running into another relationship is going to help anything at all. If anything, it will just compound things even more and you'll feel even worse than you do. Use this time for yourself. You don't want to seem desperate or clingy. Treat yourself nice right now. I you don't, who else will? You might want to pursue some interests or hobbies, join a divorce support group, join a health club or work on a health/fitness routine, or whatever else you enjoy doing. Spend as much time with your kids as you can, of course. Also, use some of your time for self reflection and self improvement. Whatever happens between you and your (ex)wife, you will be a better person, father and husband the next time around. This is not to say that your wife was not at fault, too, but you can't control what she does or thinks, so just concentrate on making yourself better. Another thing you could try is to see if she would go to marriage counseling with you. I know, you're divorced and ideally, marriage counseling comes before the divorce, but there are no rules here. You should try everything you can and then, if nothing works, you can be at peace with yourself, knowing that you really tried everything. If she doesn't want to go to counseling, and maybe even in addition to that, you may benefit from some therapy to get through this yourself. I sincerely hope everything works out for you. I'm not that religious, but remember that prayer can help, too. Good luck and God Bless!
2016-04-07 22:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't against adopting a pet I highly reccomend that! Also do things that you enjoy. If you enjoy lighting candles when you get home from work and soaking in the tub with a good book than do it! Going back to school will defenitely help you too. You are going to meet a ton of new people. A good idea would be to get together with a study group a couple nights a week or join a club. Don't worry things might seem hopelessly lonely now but in a few months I'm sure things will be much better. You just need time to adjust to this change in your life.
Good luck :]
2007-12-06 08:10:29 · answer #3 · answered by ~Jack~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are doing all the right things so that you have a chance to turn over a new leaf. I was sent to work in a strange country on contract and it was the best thing that ever happened to me - I am now not afraid to be alone. I restarted doing calligrapy, which I had left off many years ago, I took up photography, read books, learnt how to use my computer better, wrote stories etc. Make sure you have internet at home - it's great for chatting to friends and family around the world. You seem like a nice positive person - good luck
2007-12-06 08:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lonliness when you are trying to fall asleep can be a struggle. keeping busy reaching small goals will make you feel pround and accomplished. This will help you as you ready for sleep.
Gardening and pets are loneliness-busters. Even a bird will bring so much joy and to have someone to talk to at the end of each day is a genuine requirement.
At night going to bed early is very helpful. Doing things just for you such as painting, reading, bubble baths, cooking are great.
2007-12-06 08:21:20 · answer #5 · answered by chilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can find things to do at night on the computer to keep you busy, whether a game site like Pogo or some other site but you can also go to a site like life choices web and do things to raise your self esteem since that often suffers in the case of a divorce. Once you get started on college you may find that you are so busy doing homework that you won't have time to be lonely, but remember as well you will be finding new friends to perhaps do things with in the evening. Good Luck to you!
2007-12-06 08:13:23 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make some new friends at your new job or at school. If you stay busy and are content you should not be lonely at night. Maybe you could have dinner with friends or see a movie sometimes and then you will go home to bed. Maybe you should get a roommate for now also if that will help. You will have much to do with a job and school. Is your family around? Hanging out with them some will also help.
2007-12-06 08:10:30 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thoughts you did. When I went through my divorce I hit the bottle very hard but I dont advise you do that. You need to get out of the house and keep yourself busy. If you have a problem at night take some Tylenol PM meds.
2007-12-06 08:12:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're looking at it the wrong way. After working and going to class all day, being in your home will allow you quiet time and time to rest. Tomorrow you'll be out there doing the same thing.
2007-12-06 08:20:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Install a stripper pole in the living room. You might need the practice if school doesnt work out.
2007-12-06 08:08:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋