after 15 yrs. he decides this?

Question

My husband decided to leave our marriage because
I did not like his friends- WHo are drunks-
I spent too much money--- Yes I spend money-- But I also work and he spends too.
and he felt uncomfortable in his house--- I moved things around the house and like it very neat.
How could someone just think that this justifies his living with another women.
He has not been happy for many years

Answer 1

My question back is: why didn't you leave him first?

You don't like his friends. You prefer to spend money on the things you want while your husband does his thing.

You rearrange the furniture without asking, even though you know it annoys him.

You know he's not happy and yet you don't mention anything you've done to improve the situation.

Guess what? He went looking outside your home and relationship to find happiness. I'm not surprised, neither should you.

When was the last time you were really happy?

Oh, and you never mention a key four-letter word -- LOVE -- once. I suggest you discover something that makes you blissful before you are too old to care.

Answer 2

There were deeper problems to have caused him to leave and it really had nothing to do with the other woman, she just happened to give him incentive to go. Most men when given their freedom soon realise they do not want it after all and come crawling back. He is probably the type of man that runs from his problems instead of facing them, as his drinking problem is an indication of this. I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time right now. Hang in there, one day you will be glad he left as I am sure his drinking problem did not make life any happier for you. Best wishes!

Answer 3

I think he has wanted to leave for a while and has just come up with excuses so he doesn't look bad. Some people just have to blame everything on someone else. I know how it goes. I got a divorce after 17 years, and he made sure to tell everyone that it was my fault and he was using most of the excuses that you listed. I say good riddance. I have not been this happy in so many years. I found a wonderful man who really loves me.

Answer 4

Melissa, it is typical for your partner to make excuses to justify themselves when they are in the wrong. I know that maybe this didn't take you so much by surprise. You probably have known for awhile that things were not ok. I was in your same spot sometime ago. In my case I was clueless because we never had any type of arguements or fights. One day I came home and she was gone.Luckily for me I was patience and took the take to re-evaluate myself and become a better person. Eventually she came back and we have been able to work through our issues. In your case maybe you should try to do the same. Take care of yourself for now. Focus on the person you know you are. That person he met. Think about everything that you have missed in the past 15 and do it,,,enjoy life...If you still love him, he will see this new change and will want to be a part of it,,if not,,then you will still be happy and life will go on,,,,take care,,and good luck!

Answer 5

Sounds to me like he was just looking for a reason to move out to be with another woman. I seriously doubt the things you listed are what caused the breakup of your marriage. He more than likely has been seeing this other woman for a while now, and was just looking for an "excuse" to leave you.. rather than telling you the truth about what was going on.

If he hasn't been happy for many years, that's his problem.. not yours. If he gave a flip about his marriage to you, he would have done everything he could to work through whatever issues there were.. not out jumping in bed with another woman. He obviously doesn't have any respect for you.

I say.. let him go, and move on with your life. You deserve a lot better than a creep like that.

Answer 6

I suspect that he truly is unhappy about himself, and not you.
He only thinks it is you because it is easier to blame your habits etc. than be accountable for his own.
More important than anything is looking at what your needs and wants are and does he or did he fulfill you?
Many men experience wanting to be " happier" by leaving and meeting someone new because it is a hell of a lot easier than trying to work out the issues with you.
However, when they get deeper into that relationship, they will find that 'new person has issues too.(Don't we all?)
I say live your life fully for you, and if he is going to do that, then it is a sad thing, yet, you too can and will find more happiness when you are true with yourself about your own needs etc.
Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I know it hurts. Btdt. He's just looking for excuses, but you have to let him go. Trust me, you will be the stronger for it. I know you don't want to break up your marriage, and all that entails. 15 years is a huge investment, but you have to make a clean break. You dont have to forget him (you never will, you will probably always love him, too) but you do need to let him go. You don't even have to start dating again right away. You'll do that when you're ready. What you will need to do, however, is refrain from sulking, or sitting there thinking about him constantly. You need to put away all pictures and momentos of him for a while, pull them out later when they won't hurt quite so bad. Remember the good times, but also remember the bad. Keep it in balance. Change your life a bit. My brother says that when a woman changes her relationships, she gets a new hairdo. Try it. Also, try something else. Change something else about you that's easy to change and (preferably) doesn't cost a lot of money. Go crazy for a bit, then re-center.
Lots of luck to ya

Answer 8

Why don't you count your lucky stars, as it sounds like he wasn't meant for you or you for him. Find someone who shares the same ideals as you, so that you don't feel you want to change that person. Of course, he is justifying living with another woman....it is called accountability and he doesn't want to be accountable for his own choices or actions. If he hasn't been happy for years, is it just possible that you really haven't been either? And I would think that you now have the opportunity to create a happy life for yourself....I wouldn't want to be someone if they weren't happy with me. Life is not a dress rehearsal....it is the real thing.

Answer 9

Have you seen the other woman yet? He's just blowing you smoke about the friends and the money and the house. Tell him to step up and be a man and tell you the truth. When he comes back knocking on the door, just tell him to keep knocking, cause no one is going to answer...good luck

Answer 10

well not want to sound mean but it all seems to come back to you. could it be that YOU are the reason why is hasn't been happy in years? Have you tried to consider his feelings? maybe actually lower your spending (after all you admit spending) have you considered his take on the house decoration (after all he lives there too) have you considered letting him see his buddies? (as long as he is not getting drunk with them and you don't see them) I mean you are married right? should maybe consider his view and opinions? cause it seems you simply do as you want (that is based on the little info you gave us) sorry but he may have a point there.