Gifts for an ungratefully selfish husband?

Question

Would you continue to buy gifts and or try and make plans for a spouse who did not think of buying you an aniversary or b day present. They claim to be buying you something on pay day but that day never shows up. I don't want to be petty or childish. I do not feel I should behave like a person who is selfish however after a while you start to feel as if your being taken advantage of and being made out to be a fool.

123abc Would just like to wish you a very Happy Birthday ...

I would like to say to those of you who made a point to say that I picked him and I married him. If you think he pulled this crap while we were dating you are sadly mistaken. Like most men when they date he put his best foot foward was romantic, gave cards, took me out, and yes bought me a b day & christmas present. It was never about the amount of the gift.

Answer 1

Wow, I'm going through something similar myself. I too feel bad and I think it's easy to when it's happening to you. Somehow even though they do this to you, you feel like a jack*ss not giving something to them. I think he does need a taste of his own medicine though. He needs to know how this makes you feel.

Answer 2

While I agree with other posters that gifts are all about the giving and not getting, that's only true to a certain circumstances, I think. Like giving to those in need. But it doesn't apply in relationships, or on special occasions.

If I was always giving someone xmas gifts or bday gifts, and they never even sent me a card or a nice note for me on my bday or on xmas, I'd think twice about continuing to be so generous (unless the person was sick, or elderly, or a kid, or unable, etc...). It's not the gift that counts, but the thought, the gesture, and if your hubby can't even write you a nice note, or give you a massage or SOMETHING in return, then he's being a total dud. I'd stop giving the gifts. You won't feel like a fool or feel like you're being taken advantage of if you stop giving the gifts.

Answer 3

What you need to GET him is a reality check! Why stay with such a person who doesn't seem to give a s*** about your feelings? I know the kind of person you are, a nice one by nature like me.. but that doesn't mean you need to be nice when he's being a jerk. I wouldn't get him a thing and when he has nothing to open on Christmas.. and he looks at you, you can laugh and be like "you've got to be kidding me".. He can't go on thinking he can not give anything in return. And you aren't being petty or childish! I give gifts to those I love and adore and who do the same back. Don't give gifts to those who don't cherish you. It's a waste.

Answer 4

It is sad for you that he makes no effort. If i were in your shoes, i would not give him a damn thing. He bought this on himself. I also want to add that i understand it is not the fact that he is not getting you the gift, it is the fact he is not making an effort in any shape or form to be a part of the holidays with you. I would imagine if he even took 5 min and made you something, it would be great cause he put in the effort. If he asks why, then he is an idiot. ( sorry to berate your man, but i just am trying to get point across) good luck to you!

Answer 5

It depends on whether he is ungrateful and selfish in EVERYthing or just when it comes to gift-giving. Perhaps he honestly doesn't believe in it, or just thinks its a chance for the retail chains to make more money. If you think he genuinely loves you, and you want to stick with him, find something to do on that special day that HE will enjoy instead of sticking to the same old pattern of giving him something and being disappointed when you get nothing in return. If he is generally selfish and ungrateful about everything, and you STILL want to stick with him, stop doing the things that you feel most strongly about - ie giving gifts when he doesn't return them, or cooking supper every night if he doesn't say thank you and doesn't help. Try to break the old patterns and forge new ones that suit you both

Answer 6

If he does other things for you, then it would be petty. Not everybody is a gift buyer and many men never bought gifts for anybody but their moms. Only you can be the judge, not us. For instance, my guyfriend was not big on gifts or cards, but he DID things that were very thoughtful. While he and his wife split up, that was certainly not one of her complaints. As another poster said, it's about the giving, not the receiving. I would be more upset (and angry) if he was forgetting gifts and cards for his kids. No excuse for that, IMHO.

But yeah, I understand. Sometimes you just feel like a fool.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he has positioned money till now you. it somewhat is good which you're like that and you will desire to no longer enable others to ensure the kind you act. i'd recommend that if each and all of the money is being put in one pot (which it's going to be whether it isn't any longer) and you pay costs and supply one yet another allowances. you apart from would set a shrink on how plenty you're spending on presents. it isn't any longer proper who that's for. If he would not think of that's honest, i'd ask him whether that's ok in case you spend $2,000 and $7,000 over the subsequent 2 years on you and you 2 will conform to spend $80-$ninety on him. I assure that may not fly. he's doing this considering you enable it. Relationships shouldn't revolve around money and fabric issues, in the event that they do, the relationship will crash. i'm prepared to wager that your husband has different subject concerns that he has no longer addressed. I say this because of the fact he believes that fabric issues are important. And specific, consistent with what you have suggested, he's egocentric. enable him comprehend your concerns and don't enable it only be decrease than the carpet because of the fact for sure that's bothering you and the sentiments are only going to worsen. good luck

Answer 8

The guys your choice for a husband, It is not a normal husband that carries an events calender in their head, 24/7 and maybe he was raised in a family that didn't make a big deal of ( Special days). Go with the flow. And save yourself a lot of grief.. Your a big girl now... It is not a material gift that is needed , it the Love and respect. you promised in the wedding vows.

Answer 9

Buy him things for the house or anything that you can use also. When it comes to your birthday or anniversary, remind him way ahead and/or tell him exactly what you want. You might even buy your own present and tell him that you wanted to save him the time. If this is the only big complaint you have about him, it might be worth it to let it go and focus on the positive qualities he has.

Answer 10

I wouldn't buy him a gift. If gifts mean everything to him, then he would think enough to buy them for you as well. I would just hold out and not buy him anything. When he asked why, I would tell him that he never bought you anything, so you just thought that was the way your marriage functioned.

Answer 11

Do what makes you happy...if that means giving him a gift then do it, its your choice. If all that gift giving is by way of hoping he will catch on and give you a gift then don't do it.
Its not coming from your heart anyway.
No one can make a fool out of you unless you let them.
He, by the way, either has unresolved issues about gifts left over from his childhood, (more common than you think), or hes just a common azz.
Discuss it with him and find out.