My boyfriend wants to move for a job...does that mean he doesn't care if we're together?

Question

We live in Tampa, Florida. There was recently an offer at our job for an agent to move to Tulsa, OK. for a management position. My boyfriend is considering taking it if the offer is good. He told me very casually over our work's instant messaging system: "I might be moving to Tulsa", and didn't tell me much more until I constantly asked him wtf he was talking about. Then he explained the issue. So...if the money is good and they offer a good package, I could see why he would consider it.

I guess my question is...if he moves, even if he's just considering it and inquiring about it, that PRETTY much tells me where our relationship stands. He doesn't care about leaving and I, nor his friends are important enough to stay.

I guess I'm just the one to put love before a career. He's the oposite aparently.

So anyway...yeah...that pretty much tells me where him and I stand right?

First, Let me add that He moved from Texas to Tampa in late 2004 for this same company. They were shutting down the building where he was at, and he was forced to decide to stay in the place where he had always lived and lose his job, or keep his job, get a raise and a relocation package and move to Tampa. This guy is IN LOVE WITH TEXAS, and he left that place for is job. But he was faced with the threat of not having a job.

Here in Tampa, he has just renewed hi apartment lease last month and bought a brand new car in Augut. The same job that moved him before is here and will be here for him. he has the job security. This is something he is considering if the options are better.

he doesn't even know what the pay is, or if they will accept him.

Secondly, I mentioned to him that if he moved back to texas, I might go with him, because I've been in Tampa my whole life. I have my 5 year old son here too. I couldn't leave him. i would bring him with me.

But when we talked about this yesterday, he did bring up the fact that I offered to move with him if the opportunity came up. I don't know if he was just joking though.

Answer 1

Right but wrong! Right if you don't care or love him enough you don't move. If you do love him enough you would go with him. Of course that is if he ask you to go with him.. Then it would be wrong and you would for sure know where you stand.This is a test of love that my wife did not pass. :--#)

Answer 2

It depends. Perhaps, if you have been in a long term relationship, and have been considering moving your relationship further, he could be taking the job to help get you stable for a life together. On the other hand, if he is not making any mention of your relationship continuing with his move, then he is very much telling you that your through. Maybe you should set down with him, and just ask questions like "Where do you intend to be staying," or "Will I be able to visit?" before hammering him with the "You don't love me! That's why you're moving."

Hope everything works out, and remember, if he is wanting a job more than you, then you would be miserable together, and eventually, he would find a girl at work he likes better too.

Answer 3

Speaking from experience, if someone is willing to move that far from you for a job, it is best to start considering that they might not be as vested in the relationship as required for the relationship to make it. If someone is willing to walk away from you, then maybe it just isn't meant to be. I know this might sound heartless, but I went through this no more than a year ago, only I made the mistake of moving there as well. As it turned out, the whole thing fell apart and then I was alone in a place I didn't want to be in the first place.

If you aren't enough to keep him here, then find someone who thinks that you are. Trust me, you deserve someone who thinks you are!

Answer 4

You have not asked a question but have made a strong statement. Often a younger person has to set goals for his life, a career which will help him develop skills that will benefit him and his future family. Love and being together with no future and dead ended is not a lifestyle to be desired..Sooner or later , if a career opportunity is missed, on whom will the blame fall? That's right !! You !

Answer 5

Maybe he was feeling you out to see how you would respond....would you offer to go with? Be upset with him leaving? Or maybe he is giving you a heads up that he is not serious enough about you to consider your feelings when making life decisions.

Bottom line, you can guess all you want....which can be sheer torture for an unforseen length of time or you can talk to him about it....face to face....no IM/text business. Ask him what his intentions are, find out how he feels about your relationship, and where you stand in his decision making process. It's not always easy to hear the answers, but, if you don't ask, you'll waste precious time and energy wondering.

Hope it works out for the best for you.

Answer 6

Maybe he thinks that it is more important to pursue his career before looking for a life partner. Unfortunately, oftentimes people are on different pages without realizing it. I was with a guy for almost two years and then he just decided that we should just be friends so that he could be with other people. I was very serious about him and he said he couldn't see being with me forever. Ouch.

Answer 7

Have you heard the one where you should never assume anything?
If you have questions ask him. He maybe thinking its a great way to establish himself so that he can build the foundation for a good family life. Or he might just be the *** you think he is right now. My point is that you will never know unless you ask.

Answer 8

Men are usually the opposite... Of course they prefer to go out, get jobs and be productive. To men that is what counts. Sitting at home, being lovey-dovey and cuddly and all that doesn't pay bills, it doesn't support your family, and it doesn't contribute to the economy.

Of course a lot of us love women because their values are different.

Answer 9

what stops you from going with him? is that an option?

I moved from Orlando to California for a job. I wanted to work it out at the time, but the long distance thing got to hard for that boyfriend and I especially after he moved to england.

Answer 10

No it just means that if he needs to move for a job. It may also be a test to see how much you love him because if you love him than you will move with him.