My boyfriend hardly ever talks or communicates with me. I really love him, but I am about to give up. We have been together 6 years now. How do you deal or handle a person like that?
2007-12-06 07:27:15 · 17 answers · asked by Stormy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you guys are ready to take yor relatiosnship to the next level. Tell him exactly how you feel. If you are having trouble putting it into words just write him an email or a letter. Make sure to let him know that you are only doing this in order to save your relationship. Tell him how important he is to you. And let him know that you need his help in order to fix this.
Relationships are hard and unfortunally walking out is much easier than confronting your partner. But the problem is that we cant keep our whole lives running away from problems. It is very difficult to have to tell somebody that you just dont feel the same way anymore. The real challenge is not finding the perfect person to replace them but to stay and fight together as a couple to save your relationship.
We as human beings hate being comfronted. We feel hurt and imediately get defensive. Be prepared for his reaction which it might be to start pin pointing the things that you do wrong. Do not take anything that he tells you personally. As he might be hurt. Just reasure him that you love him and that you are just taking your relationship to the next level which will make your relationship stronger than ever and indestructible.
You need to help yourself and help him bring the wall of pride down. Once you guys have finished pin pointing each others dislikes about each other out. Then YOU talk about the solutions that you are willing to find to his discontent. You will see how quickly he is to do the same with you.
Relationships are always worth fighting for.Becasue they hold the key to our happiness and we all know that happiness is definitely worth fighting for.
You can reach success with your partner if you stick together and fight to save this. Remember is YOU AND HIM against the world. not you and him against each other.
2007-12-06 07:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by mizthing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is empty around everyone and not just you he could have a form of narcissism (search Internet for an article). If it's just around you, he may not love you. If he is a true narcissist it is very unlikely he will change. Either way you should give up on "Changing" him. You must love him as is or leave him. There's an old saying that women marry hoping to change their man and men marry hoping that their wives won't change. You have a very common problem with other women, which is your unrealistic goal to change another person. You may be able to change him a little over a long period of time but don't expect big changes. Even with good psychiatric care and all other variable being good, it is very difficult for people to change.
2007-12-06 07:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by David K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude.. I had the same prob with my last bf. Totally emotionally closed up. What you've gotta do is talk to him. Maybe he doesn't even realize that there's a prob. It may not even have anything to do with you if he does have a problem. Just ask him what's wrong, and what's bugging him. If you've been together 6 years, I imagine that it's something major for him to be keeping whatever it is from you. Secrets are what usually make a person close up like that.
So Good Luck, and remember that the only person who can really answer this question is him. =)
2007-12-06 07:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by Tiger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very difficult for somebody who is emotional - like I bet, you are- to handle a person who's emotionally aloof, cold. I personally cannot do that, and with that type of people I don't relate in a personal way. Six years is a long time, you cannot change him, not even Dr. Freud could do that, so, if you cannot stand anymore his emotional emptiness, or coldness, let him go, move on.There is plenty of better fish in the ocean. ( I personally couldn't have a dead man walking, as a b/f or husband).
Good luck !
2007-12-06 07:37:08 · answer #4 · answered by Idon'tlivehere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Stormy, perhaps hes empty due to anger from his past and his mom and dad not teaching him any social skills.
Most men are likes little boys...I've yet to find one that acts like a "mature" guy. My man appears to be the strong and silent type, but I'm afraid he is similar to yours. We hardly have any meaningful conversation and when I ask him anything its like an effort to answer or he says "I dont know".
Of course this reflects our past as well, we've known each other 4-5 years been married 3 of them and have have no intimacy at all now. So, I don't know how old you are...but I've just turned 60 and comfortable in not being pressed for sex if that makes any sense. So theres other issues I dont have to deal with.
As far as dealing with it? I used to resent it...but not anymore.
I'm not happy with settling...and know I more than likely would be happier on my own with my faithful and fun-loving dog, so who knows what the future holds...Im sticking for right now...but if you can see your way to more...go for it.
Hope this helps.
2007-12-06 07:41:05 · answer #5 · answered by DeeDee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a husband of 30 yrs. who does the same.. he is bi-polar... to deal I take it one day at a time.. I have learned if I want a conversation I have to do the asking.. and even than the conversation is very short. I would say it is a guy thing but... don't really believe that... I know several guys that are not like this.
2007-12-06 07:32:55 · answer #6 · answered by sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You let them know what you need from them, and if they cannot deliver, perhaps you move on.
We are all responsible for our own happiness, AND entitled to it. Better to find it out now that it's not working for you, than when you're married a few years and kids are involved (if they're not already) and you have to go through the court to be able to walk away. It's okay to think of yourself. If you're not happy and the person is unwilling to compromise, then you might need to take matters into your own hands. Good luck.
2007-12-06 07:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on yourself for a little while. Do fulfilling things, hobbies,distract yourself. Sometimes all it takes for us to have a wake up call is to see hour partner positive, enjoying life to it's fullest, full of confident and happy. This is contagious, before you know it he will start to wonder and little by little he will get with the program. U have 6 years invested in this, don't give up so quickly,,good look and chin up,,ok?
2007-12-06 07:41:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Per my experience, it is either depression or something tramatic has happened to him in the past. Maybe some one or a few people (like family) put him down or laughed at him when he showed any type of emotion.
2007-12-06 07:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. The problem lies within him and unless he wants to acknowledge that and do something about it, there isn't much you can do. Can you handle being with someone like that? What if he never changes? These are questions you need to ask yourself. Good luck to you.
2007-12-06 07:31:40 · answer #10 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋