This is our 5th x-mas together. My husband and I live 6 hours away from my inlaws. The first x-mas we were together we asked them to come here and they refused point blankly. As a result we have spent every x-mas eve here and travelled all day christmas to their house for dinner. They do not have any family or do any special traditions at their house. This year we do not have the money to drive that far or the time as my husband is going to school in a town two hours away January 7th (two rent payments), and I will have finished my fourth year of my degree on the 21st. Now they are furious with us!!! My husband feels terrible but I told him that they are being selfish.
2007-12-06 07:26:16 · 14 answers · asked by Kelsey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Gah, I know what you mean, I'm in the same situation. Our in laws don't budge when it comes to xmas plans.
And here's the situation - 'traditions' work while your kids are young. When they grow up and start their own families, then in laws have to be respectful of the fact that things have changed and traditions can't continue on as they have. There is a new family member, with their own traditions and their own family.
At best, going to their home every other year is fair. Alternatively, getting everyone to agree on a new way of celebrating the holidays would be ideal. But to continue spending your holidays in the car so someone else can have their way is not right.
2007-12-06 07:36:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you & your husband feel that it is for the best to stay home then do so. I would hope that a "family" decision was made by the both of you to begin with so no he shouldn't be upset with you. If your in-laws have no other family that comes to their house & there are no traditions then they should loosen up a little. They need to be more understanding of your situation.
2007-12-06 07:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by sugarbear0772 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have made the effort for 4 years, and they can't make the effort for 1 because of your financial situation, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. They don't think that they should have to put the effort in. Have a good holiday with your husband and tell them we'll see you whenever.
2007-12-06 07:39:20 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say unless your in-laws are very old, or do not have a reliable car, or some medical condition that would keep them from being able to drive that far. Then they are the ones being selfish. Your husband will just have to get over not seeing them this year, and they will get over being mad about it.
2007-12-06 07:35:38 · answer #4 · answered by cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind your husband that you have done the drive in the years past.
Since his parents are unwilling to come to your place, tell them that if you had the money you would go to their place. Maybe they will give you the money to pay for your travelling. It is really just the gas money and that should not put them out that much.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-06 07:38:19 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband did the right thing to do. Your in-laws wanted it their way, gave a damn about your reasons: very selfish of them.
Tell your husband there is no reason for him to feel bad, he did the right thing to do. Talk with him, don't allow these demanding folks to ruin your holidays, leave alone your marriage.
2007-12-06 08:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by Idon'tlivehere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are being selfish....the right thing for them to do is to offer to come to your place and bring the food. I have 5 children ages 29 all the way down to 9.....they know better than to let me try to push them in directions they don't want to go in....I have told them never to let me.
2007-12-06 07:30:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Totally agree with you. If they cannot make the effort to come and see you while they know how hectic your schedule are ... they can stay home alone. you do what you have to do, send them a formal invitation with both your signature and your husband's on it and voila. if they show up great, if not, too bad.
2007-12-06 07:36:08 · answer #8 · answered by caliguy_30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are being selfish. why do you have to travel to be with them all the time? why can they not come to you? i'm not understanding why they cannot understand that you simply cannot financially afford to go this year. i would stand your ground. these people need to learn that the world does not revolve around them.
2007-12-06 07:41:26 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at first your husband needs to accept as true with what you pronounced (i'm specific he does) and he will ought to seek advice from them - no longer you. regrettably your mom and dad have become the youngsters and you're being compelled to grow to be the mummy and dad. i think of you ought to positioned it out to them that we (meaning them and yourselves) are in possibility of loosing each little thing. in line with risk your husband needs to proportion some info to cajole them...info which includes earnings vs charges. on the comparable time you ought to sound expertise of ways he feels approximately his misplaced of job yet he has to greenback up and a minimum of attempt to get some thing; any element. the different option you have is that in the event that they do no longer want to get a job you could ought to evaluate getting a job and having them babysit the youngsters. reckoning on the dating between them and your toddlers that would or won't be a solid theory. base line you won't be able to enable them to tug each little thing down. on the different element reckoning on the place you reside there won't be plenty in the way of jobs so this situation won't be waiting to be solved till the financial device turns. you additionally can attempt to accomplish a splash study and notice if he ought to even get any form of job. you won't want to combat this element if there is no possibility of a job. individually despite if job possibility are narrow he must be finding. You by no skill understand what is going to fall into your lap.
2016-10-10 10:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋