my friends always say that I'm cold and that I don't have feelings.
I can't understand why. they always tell me about their problems asking me for solutions. and come to me to cry.
I always try to understand their feelings and help them finding a rational solutions to their problems.I am always there for them in hard times but they never show any gratitude instead they always say I have no feelings.
I always try to be considerate and never said they were wrong to feel a certain way. but sometimes I think they take very bad decisions because they are very emotional and later they always admit that.
I don't like to cry and I don't talk about my feelings. is that why they say I am cold or is it something else?
if there was something wrong with me what should I do?
plz help
2007-12-06 07:24:21 · 8 answers · asked by lovely girl 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
when they say I am cold it really hurts me. I am a good listener and only offer solutions when they ask for it.
2007-12-06 07:32:21 · update #1
It sounds to me that you are telling them the truth. and the truth hurts the3y are looking for someone to pat them on the back and say; "you poor victim, It's not your fault"- (that you made that stupid decision) But they keep coming back don't they Because truth is and all ways will be just that truth. So they know you are right but they don't want to be told right but they want to know right. In other words they would love to come to the same right conclusions that you tell them. but because it comes from someone else it hurts and in turn they see the person who hurt their feelings as cold.
So my advised to you is stick to your guns keep it up you are doing well. Feelings are fickle and will lead us astray. You will be seen as wise before your time when these same people grow up (if they ever do)
2007-12-06 09:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by Zdaddysdinosaurs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually when a person is upset, they go to a person they know will listen and support them (give them answers they wanna hear). You may not be telling them they're wrong, but even a glimmer of you saying that they may have not made the right decision can set them off.
When a person is upset, they are irrational and know they are. The want support. SOmeone to tell them that they were completely right in whatever it was they did.
This is being rational, not cold. They call you cold because they want to find something hurtful to say in their flustered state. They want to make you feel bad for trying to say something they don't want to hear.
2007-12-06 15:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by eos_is_aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friends desperately wish that you expose yourself to them in the same childish way as they do. But you are of another and richer mould, and your friends cannot realize that, or they will not accept that.
A way of helping yourself for you might be simply to decide going on definitely being the Oracle as you really are for so many friends around you.
And you might even try and ever more develop that beautiful quality of yours, thus paving your own way for becoming a great psychologist, a professional psychotherapist, a shrink, or a glowing Saint of some such sort.
Anyway, do you know the "Desiderata" line, "Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence".
This might become your motto, and you might even add "pride and style" unto it.
2007-12-06 16:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by pasquale garonfolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe u should not so rational. They must feel you are so rational that they think u are not so sincerely. I suggest u try to express ur own opinion, u can say what u really think.Maybe it help u to regrant ur friends. Good luck.
2007-12-06 15:46:43 · answer #4 · answered by Matt S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When they come to you, they are not really interested in you giving the "right" answer, just need someone to listen and feel sorry for them at that moment.
They don't want it fixed, they just want a sympathetic ear.
I learned this from my wife.
2007-12-06 15:30:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,nothing wrong.Tell them you are not a social or spiritual counselor.You have your own issues to deal with in life.
2007-12-06 15:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Trish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no control over what another "thinks". Only what you "think" can you have any control. When they say "you are cold", what does that cause in you?
2007-12-06 15:28:56 · answer #7 · answered by Premaholic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are more wise than them or than ur age and don't complain all time like ur generation u do ur best to help ,and ur a good and honest friend do not blame ur self ,good luck
2007-12-06 15:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by nerman h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋