husband has abandoned?

Question

my husband and I have been married for 51/2 years we have 3 small children (5,3,2) he left us the Friday before Thanksgiving came back by on that Mon. and paid the power and phone bill,bought us $93 worth of groceries and since then NOTHING our rent was due on the 1st I have been a stay at home mom all this time so no need for daycare I have been able to get on state assistance however I still have to pay registration fees for the daycare and what ever the state can't help with on the weekly fees.I can't get any help from family because they don't have it to help me either.As for my rent the state has a program that will give me $200.00 towards it if I prove that I have the rest.I am not trying to give a pitty story but I am LOST cause I am running out of ideas and I have no way to buy Christmas for my kids and it looks like we won't have roof over our heads. any ideas on what I should try to do we are in a contract here till 0808 if it is broken we still have to pay til they rent it

Answer 1

First, take a deep breath.

Second, take control of your finances. List everything you "need" in life. Make a realistic budget and go from there.

Third, in the short term, your strategy should be survival for you and your kids. Call the local legal aid and explain your circumstances. For now, you have to consider the worst case scenario: you husband is not coming back, he is not going to continue to provide for you family.

Fourth, frankly I think you are doing a great job so far. Just keep it up. I know it's hard, but just keep going.

Fifth, call your landlord. Tell him what is happening and that you are doing your best to find the money you owe, or will owe.

Six, find a group of people you can talk with. There are many self help groups out there. You need others who have been there and survived.

Seven, follow my "100 phone call" Rule. If you are willing to here the word "no" 99 times, generally you will find help on call #100. I've actually found that it takes no more than seven calls to find some "luck."

Best wishes. You sound like a winner. Just keep up the hard work for a bit longer.

Answer 2

at first, i'm very sorry to hearken to approximately your issues. yet those are no longer issues that may not be able to be triumph over. bear in recommendations, money out of the rest can continuously get replaced. now's the time which you would be able to take the right action. today touch an attorney and seek for their advice. you ought to be secure and an attorney can do this for you superb. What he has executed ought to contain the police, i do no longer understand, yet an attorney can superb advise you in this. you could recover from this. After some stressful paintings, you could prevail. Will he come back? that's no longer substantial, touch an attorney and all the right action to be taken and locate your attorney's advice precisely. he or she ought to tell you what you want to hearken to, even if it somewhat is on your superb pastimes. do this real away. in case you do no longer understand the thank you to locate an attorney. call your community Bar association and ask for a referral of an attorney who can take care of what has take place superb on your area. Why did he run away? reason he's a coward. overlook approximately those telling you to wish. it somewhat is the act of a lazy and vulnerable individual. Wishful thinking will no longer restoration something. you ought to TAKE action NOW. call AN attorney!!! i'm hoping this has been effectual to you!

Answer 3

Seek a good relative, if not in the same state the better. Think about someone that can shelter you for now. This will help you get away from this man in case he decides to show up and second you will be able to save the little money coming to you by these organizations. There are churches that will help with the question of toys for the your kids. Over all, chin up, it's ok,,You have your kids to think about and all of us have gone through experiences that have bended our pride and will. I'm confident that eventually all this mess will pass..hang on to those kids like never before. if you have faith, then pray. Focus,,,don't give up.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry that you have been put in this position and especially for your children. you married a low life good for nothing man! any man that would do this to his kids at Christmas time is a piece of useless crap! talk to your landlord and explain the situation, maybe they can work out something until you can find a job. if not you are going to have to find a friend that will let you stay with them or your family. i know you said your family wasn't able to help financially but they may be able to let you live with them until you can find a job. its good that your children are young, and maybe they wont miss gifts for Christmas. there is a program out there that helps give children Christmas gifts when the family cant afford Christmas. I don't know what i would do if i were in your shoes. I will pray for you and your children. things will work out, i know it is hard and will be hard for a while. but you are going to have to be strong for your children's sake, and pull yourself up and out of this situation. God Bless!

Answer 5

Do you belong to a Church Organization? I know that if you are having tough times, Churches help out greatly. Have you been to your local Job and Family Services?? They should be able to sit you down and give you food stamps and cash assistance. But I know that my sis had a hard time after her husband left her, because all the bills had to be in her name (and they were all in his name).



I AM SOOO SORRY. But there are people out there to help you out. Like I said, Call around to Churches, Job and Family Services and I know that the local Goodwill's help you out with your DP&L payment if you have a disconnect notice???
Go to a local food bank and they can give you meat, cheese, milk, canned veggies, fruit, juice...

If you need anyone to talk to, please don't hesitate to email me.

HOpefully your husband will come to his sense and help you out.


EDIT####
Like the lady that said below..you are going to have to get a job. That is the only way that you are going to make it. What i suggested before is a quick SHORT solution. you might be able to qualify for free day care while you work!

Answer 6

Two things:

1) Spousal support
2) Child support

We don't really know the exact circumstances behind why he left but the fact of the matter is, you have his children (three of them, at that). It is his duty, as a father, to help ensure that they are provided for. If it has been since Thanksgiving, and he's not trying to help or at least help you figure out a way to manage things since he's been gone, you might have to force him to help. You had babies (and a marriage at that!) together. He just can't walk out like that and leave you to manage things.

Answer 7

ok...before I start....do you know the Lord? because if you are obedient to Him then you have nothing to worry about.

I found myself unemployed, no gas, no money, with two small children, no food, owing everyone, facing eviction and two car repossessions....

Because I trusted in God and was faithful, a complete stranger dropped $300 cash in my lap one night at church and told me "God told me to bless you". My church paid my whole rent one month, my landlord reversed the cancelling of my rental contract without me ever talking to her, I lost only one car, I was blessed with a job I never applied for, another church gave me food for about three months including Easter baskets for my kids, and God has made a way from that day to this....because Im obedient and delight in Him.

so I ask you again...do you KNOW the Lord, beloved? If you dont I encourage you to get to know Him. He wants you to depend on HIM first and foremost.

Answer 8

First there are some programs, St. Vincent De Paul is one, Cara is another, Cara pays the bill once a year. Call them now...You can sign up at the salvation army fro xmas gifts also, there are churches you can go to, call the mortgage company and talk to them, he has to pay the rent also. My heart goes out to you and your kids.....

Answer 9

You need to find that dead beat husband and get child support and alimony from him. He will never have any luck at all, what goes around comes around. I will pray for you and your kids.

Answer 10

I know this won't help in the immediate sense, but what your husband did is not legal. You need to consult an attorney, pronto, and get him in to file for divorce, and to get a temporary order of child support and maintainance.

On your own in this situation, you should qualify for help, but if you don't bring it to anyone's attention that you and your kids have been abandoned and left unable to take care of your responsibilities, they are going to see you as a married couple. That would mean your husband's income would be considered when determining if you qualify for assistance.

Depending on which state you're in, your husband should realize that just because he left, legally and financially, he's not on his own. He is a married man with three kids, in reality and in the eyes of the law. That means that if YOUR credit goes down the crapper because of this, his is flushed, too. He may not realize that (my soon-to-be ex did not, at first, though he didn't do what yours did). It might be motivation enough for him to do what he needs to be doing.

I'm in Texas, and here, there is a Texas Workforce Commission. I assume all states have these. You should contact them to find out about getting government assistance for childcare, and they can help put you in a job.

You need to start talking.

Go to your landlord (or apartment manager, or whoever) and tell them just exactly what is happenning. Assuming it's not some big company where you're just a blip on the computer screen, see if they have any suggestions, or if there is anyway they can help. Well, first, have they started proceedings to evict? If I'm not mistaken, they can't just throw you out immediately, and they would RATHER get their money a little late than have to evict you, because that involves effort and money, and they still have to find someone to rent the place you left. If you have good rental history with them, they may be willing to work with you. See if they will allow you to split December's rent up over the next several months. Allow yourself time to get a job (but get one -- now.) If you start now, you would have at least a little bit of a cash flow by January. If you can pay January's rent on time, with a portion of December's rent, they may be willing to allow you to do that. You just keep paying for the current month, and a portion of December's rent, until December is paid off and your lease is up.

If they won't do that, if I'm not mistaken, the eviction process is something like thirty days. If you can get back on track before then (with your own money, and hopefully you would have found him and will be getting the money he SHOULD be paying you) you could probably stay.

With childcare, same thing. Talk. Call around, find a decent place and pray they will allow you to prorate the registration and/or supply fees. Or look into home daycares, that don't usually have a registration fee. Or start one yourself, if you feel so inclined.

As far as Christmas goes, that sucks. But you have GOT to prioritize. My husband just left, and even though he's being beyond generous, there is just not enough money to do a big Christmas. I'm going up to the dollar store and getting stocking stuffers, and that's what Santa's bringing this year. Consider putting in things you would likely be buying anyway. My mom used to do this, and I do it with my kids. They get the little individual boxes of cereal, juice boxes, fruit snacks, Little Debbies, toothpaste, a notepad with crayons and pencils (they're 4 & 6), bubbles, stickers, etc. I really wish I could do more, but it's just not in the cards. To make up for it, we're doing activities that are free or very very cheap to bring out the fun of Christmas. We're baking Christmas cookies, decorating the Christmas tree (thankfully, we have allergies, so we don't have to buy a new tree... just use the fake one we have had for a few years already), getting in our jammies with popcorn and watching movies like Elf and The Santa Clause. Do art projects. We went to see Santa at the mall (A note: Tip him off NOT to ask about what presents they want) and point out every house we pass that has Christmas lights. I grew up comfortable around the elderly and sickness, because my grandparents would take us to visit nursing homes and shut-ins, so I take my kids (along with their cousins) out to do the same thing. Your kids are just babies, and they are not going to care that there aren't any presents, or aren't many presents, under the tree. If YOU are positive and upbeat and excited about what you ARE doing, they will be, too. You don't have to "buy" Christmas. I'm having to tell myself that on a daily basis, because I had a lot I really want to give my kids. But I'm so blessed, because my kids are just REALLY special. We haven't brought up presents, and when their teachers did, both of them said they wanted something like bubbles or a coloring book. What they're REALLY enjoying is all the activities we're doing, and all the attention and love we're giving them. Will we probably do a bigger Christmas next year? Yeah, probably so. But I do know I won't ever think of "buying" Christmas again, because my kids are showing me it's not about that. They have just total joy on their little faces over simple things. And considering what is going on in their family life, they need our attention and fun activities a lot more than they do another spider-man action figure or TMNT DVD.

You might want to consider contacting the Salvation Army and local churches. They can often help provide Christmas gifts for children.

But I'm not kidding. Call and get the money your husband needs to be paying you. I don't know for sure who you would need to contact, but it would probably be good to start with the non-emergency police line (they should be able to direct you to the right folks) or the local district attorney's office.

Good luck, honey! I know that's gotta be awful. You can make it through this, and one of these days, your kids will realize what happened, and they will look at you with an amazing amount of respect.