My boyfriend wants have sex and we will both be 18 when summer comes. However, my family is Catholic and I was taught to wait till marriage but after being with him my thoughts have started to changed. My parents had me out of wedlock. I don't want to have sex and then regret that I did but I don't want to choose not to have sex and then regret because I didn't do it. I don't know what to think. He claims to love me and that having sex will only make us closer, is he right? Someone please help me!
2007-12-06 07:18:37 · 29 answers · asked by raidergurl2008 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since waiting for marriage is a personal choice, both of you are right. What counts is what's right for you. You have to do what's right for you without having any outside pressures.
2007-12-06 07:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing about love is that it is patience. I know its cliche, but its true: if your boyfriend loves he'd be willing to wait until you're ready. Consider all the reasons you want to wait, outside of your religion. What are your life plans? Will the possibility of children get in the way? Trust me, sex is nothing you will regret either way except if you do it before you're actually ready. And no, he isn't right. Sex isn't guaranteed to bring you closer. It has just as much chance at tearing you apart as anything else if the two of you aren't ready.
Just from personal experience, waiting until marriage is the better option because then you have a solid guarantee. A lot more goes into sex than people are willing to admit to - a lot of emotions and expectations. Ask him if he's ready to meet those needs since he's so ready have sex because that's something people can not handle until they can handle marriage any way.
2007-12-06 15:37:27 · answer #2 · answered by Scarlett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its understandable that you dont want to have any regrets. You said you were taught to wait until marriage and that your parents had you out of wedlock. They might feel they made a mistake and should have waited until marriage, and they don't want you to make the same mistake they did. Your boyfriend may love you, but most guys will tell you anything to get what they want. If your boyfriend loves you they way he says he does then he will wait. My advise to you is wait until your married. If he loves you he will still be there.
2007-12-06 15:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by alley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having sex does not "make you closer". Spending time to get to know one another and your true colors is what brings you closer. I'm sorry, but an 18 year old male is in his prime and will say just about ANYTHING to have sex. LOL (Just being truthful) He might very well love you, but if you are not ready (and it sounds like you're NOT since you're not sure if you'd regret having sex at this point), then he should love you enough to wait if he TRULY loves you. You do what is best for you. We are responsibility for our own well-beings, and who's going to take care of us MORE than we will?
2007-12-06 15:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are to be commended for upholding virtue.
The positive thing is this: Waiting is the right thing to do and keeps things in right perspective. Being 18 is adulthood, but being married is committment.
It is rare that someone who does not want to follow the path of marriage will follow the path of responsibility and committment and faithfullness to you in the long run. If he is "that" serious about being so close, you cannot be closer than marriage, for the "two shall become one". It is in this sense of the term he is wanting to become one, but not rightfully and legally, and as you stated your belief, not approving at all in God's eyes.
The negative is this: For whatever reason, you have allowed yourself to get into this situation where sex is now a choice. If you two were becoming so close, why was not marriage mentioned and discussed.
He is right: sex will make you closer. However... it's "that" closeness that's reserved for married couples. It seems that he does not share the same belief system you have. This in iteself may pose a big problem and conflict in your relationship.
It makes me wonder what else does he not share about your goals, beliefs, and etc..
http://www.housefellowship.org
2007-12-06 15:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to wait until you get married to have intercourse. Then you should have enough will power to prevent yourself from doing something you might regret. Go with your gut feeling. Your boyfriend might be pressuring you because he wants it too. If you make the decision not to do it, then your boyfriend should respect that. If he leaves you because of this, then you know that it wasn't meant to be.
I myself am a catholic and born out of wedlock. Growing up I wanted to have intercourse. I didn't want to be abstinent. That was my choice. But there are some people, like you, that take pride in being a virgin.
2007-12-06 15:27:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Ernest J Folk 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was exactly the same, my bf was ready for sex whereas i wasnt so much, i believed in sex after marriage but i was always open to everything, i think that was partly because i was a virgin and people make sex a big deal, whereas he wasnt so it wasnt as big as a deal, make sure u talk about it though, it is good to keep it all out in the open, i explained to him y i was not ready and he understood and respected me for it.
we did have sex and i dont regret it at all, it did make us closer, and i am so glad it was with him, dont feel rushed though, there were so many times where we were going to have sex b4 hand, but i backed out because i thought i was ready then realised i wasnt, and he was supportive and ok with it, but when i was it was great
dont let him pressure you though, do it for you, not because he wants to, if you both love each other, u will know, and your family will be ok with it, my family are catholic and i told my mam that when i was thinking of having sex with him, and ok at first she didnt really like it as we had only been going out for a few months but she realised i was mature enough and we were very much in love and i wasnt being pressured, and both my parents were very supportive, you dont have to tell your parents, as i no some catholic follow teaching very strickly, but if you want to go for it.
xxx
2007-12-06 15:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay true to yourself and your beliefs. If this guy really loves you and wants to be closer, then he will wait. Period! If he leaves the relationship because you wouldn't have sex with him , then he truly didn't love you to begin with, more than likely was only after the sex and you will then know without a shadow of a doubt that you in fact made the right decision to stick with your beliefs.
2007-12-06 15:26:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having sex won't make you closer. If anything it might rip you apart. Sex changes everything in a relationship. If you aren't emotionally ready then you will be filled with regret and guilt. If you are torn in which direction to go then you are not ready to have sex. If your boyfriend truly loves you then he will understand. If he doesn't and he gets angry then he just wanted you for sex the entire time.
2007-12-06 15:24:26 · answer #9 · answered by mamabee 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything you might regret. You can only lose your virginity once.
I too am Catholic, Traditional Pre-Vatican 2 Catholic!! WAYYYY old school. I wished I had waited when i was younger and gave up my virginity to a man that didn't deserve me.
Sex is really NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
Its ONLY a big deal in a solid, monogamous MARRIAGE.
Really.
2007-12-06 15:29:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋