Confused about what to do?

Question

My parents didn't approve of me dating Mark because he was 32 and i'm only 19. a couple of weeks ago he wanted to know if i wanted to move in with his sister. That way we would be able to see each other and have a real relationship. I told him I couldn't do that right now, and that i had to figure out a way to keep him in my life and them too. If I moved I wouldn't be welcome back home, my family would turn their backs on me. He said he already had it all figured out if i would just go ahead and marry him. I asked him does he still want to try and be together if I wanted to wait on marriage for a while. and he said he still wanted us to be together but he had to figure out some things too. I'm confused about what to do, i want him in my life but I have always been the type of person to do what is expected of me. Should I Move and be with him. Or should I listen to everyone else and keep them from turning there backs
on me.

I asked him what would he have to think about. And he said he wanted to get married and he didn't no how long he could wait. I told him if he loved me he would wait until i'm ready. He said he did love me. If i choose him over everyone else they will no longer stay in my life. I don't want everyone to look down on me because of the age difference but my family are that kind of people. I'm just so confused about what to do.

Answer 1

I have no problem with dating older guys, but this guy seems to be pushing you from your family and right into his life, which may mean he could be a little controlling or even abusive at some point. I would be careful. Why would he want you to move in with his sister and not move in with him? My honest advice: he sounds like trouble. Go to college get a degree and focus on you and your education before you get married, if after all that is done and he is still around then I guess that should show you he's dedicated to you. It just sounds like something's not quite right though....

Answer 2

Never burn bridges with family....ever. You need them more than him right now. You run the risk of alienating them and should he toss you to the curb OR you tire of him because you find out he isn't the person you thought you knew then you're screwed.

You seem like a sensible kid. I'll be quite frank. Although its every man's fantasy to land a 19 year old when you're 30+ chances are it may not pan out. At least statistically. Naturally there is always the exception and just reading your question reflects you possess maturity beyond the average 19 year old.
But heed my advice. Don't rush this. First its moving in and then before you know it you're pregnant. And that my dear...throws a wrench into your life and complicates everything should you decide this fellow is not for you.

You have plenty of time. If he throws a hissy fit and tells you he won't wait or gives you an ultimatum...lose him. Just making a demand of that nature upon you shows that your opinion is of no value to him.

Good luck

Answer 3

Hi dear,
I will suggest you to wait for some more time.
You have to give yourself some time to grow and discover your life before committing to someone in your very young age.Your family will always want you to be happy.

I am not sure whether this guy is serious about this relationship so no comments on that.
But I would like to say before jumping into something you can think what you both will do say after three years.

I am saying you this from my experience. So you gotta believe me.

This is the time when you can learn, build a strong career, hang out with friends.

After two-three years you are ready to move out with your sweet heart, by that time you will have a decent job to support yourself and your man will respect you.

Answer 4

Wow, I'm very impressed by your ability to work so hard to make things right!!!! :-) I think that you're doing things the right way. You want to be with him, and if he really cared about you, then he would understand that and wait. Of course he's anxious to be with you--that's flattering. But he still has to be willing to wait until you're ready for it.

I think you need to keep things well between you and your parents. If you move out now and they turn their backs on you, it will hurt like nothing else you've ever felt. You don't need that.

I made the mistake of leaving my family when it hurt them very much for a man. We're still married today, but my family doesn't have much of a regard for him for this reason. Things would be so much easier if I had just waited. Please learn from my mistake!

Answer 5

I wouldn't move out. That would be too high of a cost, losing my parents for a guy. Guys come and go but your folks are always there when you need them. But that's just me, you have to do what you want to do. You're an adult and can make your own decisions. I would give it some time and work on my own life before running off with a guy.

Answer 6

Listen to your heart, but don't forget about your head.

Why don't you try making a list of all the reasons why you love him (you never used the word) as well as all the reasons why you love your family (you didn't say you loved them, either).

Then make a list of everything that makes you happy as well as a list of everything you hope to accomplish in your life.

What do the lists look like?

Maybe you need a little space from both your boyfriend AND your family?

It's time for you to take control of your own life and not be swayed by others.

Go rent the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts. It's about a woman who needs to figure out who she is and what's important to her. A woman who learns that you need to please yourself first before you can take another person into your life.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Do NOT risk losing your family over this guy. I would take a good long hard look at the situation and ask yourself why your family feels the way that they do. The age difference sounds like the least of it.

Answer 8

Hunny, if you want to be treated like an adult act like one, call your parents and sit down and talk. Explain that you love him and what you want for your life, and really listen to them, I don't think that they are out to stop your life. The question I have for you is why did he say to move in with his sister, hell he should be a man and rent you an apartment if he wants to be able to see you. Also Hunny if he is really in love with you he would wait, even if it meant never....

Answer 9

Personally, I would follow everyone else on this one....He is too old for you. Your life just began and His is half way lived and you will find out that you have less in common the more you are together......I am sorry about this but it's true.

Answer 10

Why is this older man choosing a girl fresh out of high school and pressuring her to leave her family? There are red flags all over this situation!