I'm scared of my mother in law - what do I do?

Question

I know that a lot of people have issues with their mother in law. However, I feel that my mother in law is...a real life psycho. An antisocial woman capable of doing physical, bodily harm.
She has been difficult many times, but I had an especially bad experience with her that totally freaked me out and as a result I cannot bring myself to see her. When I think of getting together with her again, I get really, really anxious and pracitcally have a panic attack over it.
My husband and therapist are pushing me to 'get over it' and resume a relationship with her. I honestly don't feel comfortable and don't know if I can. The therapist thinks it should just be a 'superficial' relationship, that we should not put ourselves in a situation where our well-being is in her control after what happened, but I'm so frightened by her that I don't think I could manage.
I want to do this for my husband, though. What should I do? Pop several Xanax and just go for it?

Without getting into the whole story, my mother in law cornered me, threw things at me (the xmas gifts I had given her, because she didn't like them), locked me in a room, refused to get me medical help when I desperately needed it and was at her home in the country (this is the one that freaked me out so badly). I had to call 911, but I couldn't get cell phone reception and she wouldn't get off the computer so I could call from her land line. It was so, so terrible. I think I do have a phobia of her, but I think it's pretty justified considering everything that happened. My husband says he will protect me this time, but he let the other stuff happen ,so my trust is not there.

Answer 1

I think your husband and therapist are wrong. I am no doctor but I can say this you should not put yourself in a position that you are not comfortable in. Anyone who refuses to allow you to make a call to get medical attention has real mental problem. Most would tend to help a wounded stray animal.

Your husband is the one who needs to see a therapist to help him deal with his issue of being raised by a crazy person. You can not reason or relate to an unstable person family or not. Bottom line there is not point in having a superficial let her son have the relationship with her and have nothing to do with her. I would work on getting over the fear of what she can possible do to you and you might want to look into an order of protection. Let your husband know that him acting like it was no big deal and telling you to get over it is unacceptable Maybe he should have a talk with his mother. .

Answer 2

Get rid of the therapist. A superficial relationship??!! That is ridiculous. The first thing you should do is hold your mother-in-law (MIL) accountable for what she did to you and how she made you feel. If you can't speak to her on the phone, then write her a letter (not a hateful one). Write to her in a very civil manner.

Tell your MIL that you would like to have a relationship, but you are afraid because of how she acted. If she doesn't respond well to your letter, then write her again and tell her that you don't believe that you can have a relationship with her until she learns to control herself.

Seek a pastoral counselor, not a therapist. Therapists help you with temporary fixes. God's word can help permanently.

Answer 3

FCuk that!. to hell with the shrink and your husbands thoughts they weren't there while she was tossing granades at you and locking you in the closet . Reminds me of that movie where the woman cooks a bunny on the stove.
SHe's a pysco, and by you saying your husband didn't help before tells me he had known about it. He's most likely frightened by her as well. Sad situation.

You will do most things for your husband but this YOU WILL NOT tell the mother to go fcuk her self and further more you forbit that nut bar to come 500 feet near you and put a strainging order out on the biatch. and if she trys to lay a hand on you again it will be her last move she makes. and if your husband doesn't like it to bad he should have thought of all this and the concenquesnce this would cause you and your family. He must have known what she like all along. Hell i have a violent father but i would most definately warn my significant other of his style. least they'd be forewarned and can handle what would have to be done before all hell broke lose.

Answer 4

Okay,,,without knowing what she did it's impossible to give a really good answer to your problem. For all we know, something that could be a freakish experience might not be to another person. Anyway, if you don't want to be around her, but your husband is insisting you do so, just always keep him with you in her presence. The chances of her harming you or anyone else prob aren't as high if you have someone with you. So like I said, without knowing what she did, you prob won't get very many good answers.

p.s. Xanax is habit forming and not good for you. Stick with therapy.

Answer 5

I would think that if the therapist would like you to confront the situation, that it should be in the therapist's office. You have to be able to trust your gut instincts even if it isn't the popular decision. Tell the therapist that he/she needs to be present to help your husband understand the enormity of the problem.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

Your therapist is a quack! What therapist "pushes you to get over it"???? None. It should be done in your time, your way. Your husband should be supportive of YOU since you are his wife. Shouldn't he? If he wants to have a relationship with his parents, then he should have one, but it doesn't mean you have to come along for the ride. While it's not healthy to harbor a grudge for the rest of your life, you should not force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with!

Answer 7

In the interest of harmony, yes. Listen to your therapist and your husband - I'm sure they wouldn't do anything to put your life in danger. Just remember, she will always be your husband's mother. I don't particularly care for my daughter-in-law, but my son will NEVER know that. I just smile and act like all is ok and no one is the wiser. It's not like they live with me, I see them 3-4 times a year - which is fine and I am not going to jeopardize my relationship with him for the few hours a year I have to spend with her.

Answer 8

Don't take any crap. If you're scared, get mace.

You've got to establish, if not dominance, equality.

Case in point:
I went out with two other guy friends, one married, one with a girlfriend, to get out motorcycle permits. We all knew our women wouldn't like that. My friend went home to his girlfriend, and said nothing. My other friend went home to his wife, a wife from a third world country where women still have the attitude that they must stay in their place, and he said nothing. I went to my girlfriend, took the permit out of my pocket before I even went inside the house, and walked up to her with it in my hand and said "Look what I've got!"
She was displeased, and I told her "tough."
She said I was NOT getting a motorcycle, and I asked her what gave her the idea that I wasn't, and how did she think she could stop me.
She was soon silent.
My friends caught Hell from their ladies.

They didn't bring it out up front.
They didn't stand up to them.
And now they have a precedent of folding under pressure.

Your mother in law has got to KNOW that you're not taking any **** from her. GET MAD. Get MACE, if she comes at you, nail her. Be strong, MAKE her respect you, or respect your power, but do not allow her to run YOUR life.

Xanex? F- Xanex - give HER some Xanex. You don't have to pretend to like her. You don't have to get along with her. You can be civil, but you don't have to sit there and take it. When I date a girl, if the parents don't like me, I don't ingratiate myself to them. I once even said; "you're only making your daughter hate you. If we get married, I'll move her far away, and you'll never see your grandchildren. Is that what you want?" I don't spend the holidays with them, and I'm strong enough to walk away from the woman I love if it gets too bad - if she can't understand that I don't tolerate disrespect, then she's not worthy, though I may love her.

Listen, if you need to talk it out some more, you write me privately. I'll call you up if you want. Let me know. And let me know how it goes.

Answer 9

Hunny, if it was so bad, then don't go and your husband should have more concern over your feelings, let him go if he wants. I don't talk or see my mother in law, she's mean,I am a heart felt person and don't get along with people who don't care about their families. Fire your therapist, get you another. "Get over it" how dare them say that to you.. My heart is with you..

Answer 10

If your therapist is recommending it, you should do it. Otherwise, what are you paying him or her for? The therapist wouldn't recommend it if there was a likelihood of it being dangerous. Therefore, it seems clear that you have developed a kind of phobia -- a fear that is unreasonably strong compared to the actual circumstances. What you should do is learn some relaxation exercises, and just go for it.