I see on here many times that people think?

Question

that a mans ex wife comes before the new wife if there are children involved. Can any one explain this to me.....it makes no since...they are divorced and aren't obligated to each other any more in my opinion.

I have an ex husband who is my friend and we have a child, but I don't put him before my husband.

Answer 1

They aren't obligated to each other that is fact, but they are obligated to the Child......I am a Second wife to a man who has a daughter from a previous marriage.....

The ex wife doesn't come first, but I make sure that the child has a good relationship with both parents.

Answer 2

The ex wife doesn't come before the new wife, but BOTH the ex and the new wife come before the kids. And sometimes the guy needs to work nicely with the ex so that the relationship stays civil for the sake of the kids. And honestly, for the sake of the new wife.

When I first got involved with my husband, I was livid at how he brushed me off and dropped everything for his ex. His reason was because his ex held the cards when it came to him seeing his daughter. So of course he would kiss her *** because it was the only thing he could do (until court) to keep tabs on his daughter and make sure she was okay. He wasn't thinking about me, his wife, he was putting his child first, as he should have. I just wasn't liking the way he went about doing it.

Now, we have it worked out. My husband and I have figured out how WE want to deal with all the ex issues. And we do it together. I understand his place in his ex's life and it's ONLY for the sake of his daughter. And sometimes it's harder for some than others because each person deals differently, but that's how it is in a blended family. And well, nothing ever goes according to plan :)

** ADD **

And as a mother to my own child, I vow to NEVER become "that ex" if anything ever comes between my hubby and I. I will always put my child first and never come between my child and his Daddy. I just won't do it.

Answer 3

Well, if you think about it...isn't that why there had to be a Support Division for the children of previous marriages? Due to the fact that alot of ex's tried to forget about the fact that they created children that should still have continued to receive love and support from both parents. So, you might look at it like it is the ex that is coming before the new wife, when really it is the children in the care of that ex that is coming first.....as it should be. This is something that new husbands or wives have to give alot of thought to before marrying someone with children. It is not that childs/childrens fault that they don't have both their parents growing up and shouldn't have to go without that parents love and support because of a new marriage.
**NEW COMMENT**
I just read your additional comment...is the reason you don't feel you put your ex before your husband due to the fact that you have custody of your child? Your ex might possibly feel the way your husband does in keeping the peace for the sake of the child? You really don't state how he chooses his ex before you.....so hard to really know why you feel this way.

Answer 4

I think you are right. They both share a common interest in their children, and should do their best to keep things easy going for the sake of their kids - not let their differences get in the way of doing what's best for the kids. But that's about it.

If a divorced parent re-marries, then they really need to put their new spouse in the #1 slot and not but the ex first. I suppose it can get tricky, sometimes the line between what's best for the kids and the ex can get blurred in the eyes of the new spouse, but overall I think the newly married spouse with kids from a previous relationship really needs to spend extra time, especially in the beginning, making their new spouse feel like they are #1 or else there will be problems.

Answer 5

Your not obligated to each other after a divorce but if there were children born as a result of that relationship then you really need to try to get along with each other due to the fact that you will be involved with each others lives at least until the child becomes an adult and possibly even longer.

Answer 6

You are mistaking a man's relationship with his children THROUGH his ex wife as a relationship with his ex wife. YES he HAS to deal with his ex wife because SHE is the mother of his children. YES they are obligated to each other based on the fact that they have children together and that they BOTH get a say in raising those children. If this bother's you then you should steer clear of men who have children.

Answer 7

I think that the new wife should definately come before the old wife!! Why would the ex have to be first, just because of children? I don't get that.

Answer 8

You are right and wrong. The thing is that they are obviously a part of not just each other lives but they are family as well. Who says you put the ex before the present that is just not true. You do however put the children in front of everyone. That is the choice they made when they decided to have them and there is no way around it. When you have kids you are stuck with each other one way or another. Be it financially or as a active parent either way thats just the way it is, and i know cause it sucks!

Answer 9

They are both obligated to the children, the fact the parents couldn't get along has no bearing on their responsibilities to the children. The kids are far better off being shown love by both.

Answer 10

I think that there has to be a balance struck. He would have to take care of his ex wife to a certain point where there are children involved, just out of a sense of responsibility. He's not going to take care of things because he loves her, but because she has the children that he helped create. Divorce means that there is no love. His love lies with his new wife, but he cannot ignore the responsibilities of his old life.