Is it one big package deal? Or do you feel that your vows only apply to your spouse, and you are not obligated to make it work with their family of origin?
Please explain your logic. Thanks so much for your answers!
2007-12-06 06:28:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i married my husband for him. not his family. hes even closer to my family then his own.. we have had our ups and downs with both sides of the family but we stay together regardless if its a brother a mother that has caused problems. we look at it this way. only 1 other person in this world we have to please and thats our spouse
2007-12-06 06:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by kitttkat2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a kind of tricky question. I don't really know how to express my whole view on the subject. I will give the point of view from my marriage. Both me and my husband do what we can to make things work with our in-laws. Partly because I am close to my family and he is close to his. And we don't want to lose that. Also for the fact that we have children together and if something was to happen to either one of us we would still be connected to that part of the family. And we don't want to burn our bridges. At the same time though our family's realize that there are boundaries. When my husband and I got married we left our parents and made our own family. They do not get involved in our marriage. They don't give advice and we don't run to them every time we have a problem. Also I am devoted to my husband and I would choose his side over my family. (Luckily I don't have a husband or family that would make choose sides). So I think it a mixed thing your vows apply to your spouse but you cant expect them to completely be rid of their family. And you shouldn't want them to. You both are not obligated to make things work between families but you should want to try out of love for your spouse. Also both people should make it clear to their family that its your marriage and there are boundaries that they should not cross.
2007-12-06 07:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's true that it's not in your vows to make things work with your spouse's family, but at the same time, you do that for the love of your spouse. I do everything I can to be a good in-law to my husband's family. Admittedly, I'm not perfect, but I do my best because I know it's what my husband would like. He doesn't do the same thing back to my family, but that's just not who he is. I do what I do out of love, not because I know I have to.
2007-12-06 06:37:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree because these are the people your spouse grew up with and learned life from, to a point. Normally, your spouse will love and respect them, and so should you. In the same light, your spouse should be doing the same for YOUR family. Eventually, you grow into your own as a family unit and things seem to work out. Godloveya.
2007-12-06 06:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My vows are to my spouse only, but my commitment is to him and, in a way, to his family. I would not be being a good wife if I participated in "family drama" or if I couldn't get along with his mother. Family harmony is important, both in our home and when we're with extended family.
2007-12-06 07:39:51 · answer #5 · answered by betternher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my husband isn't really all that close with his famliy. But that dosen't mean I don't have to put up with them. Even though they do and say things that upset me, I respect my husband by just dealing with it. He dosen't want a rift with his family and I respect that. I want the same when it comes to my side of the family too. We just keep the peace and go with the flow when we are around our families. But we both don't do around our families very much. Mainly because we live out of state from where everyone else lives except his mom. But she is so busy with her life we just do our own thing until she wants to see the kids. Now if he was really close to his family then I would have a lot more to deal with. I believe that if you want your spouse to respect your family then you need to do the same with theirs. It is a give and take thing.
2007-12-06 06:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. No way. That's what some people think because they decide to marry their family too, but you don't have to. Once you have your partner and IF you have control over your life (only IF you have control) you are just married to that person, if you are weak and with lack of discipline and the kind of person that the rest of the world can walk over you, then you marry the rest of the family and you will do what the family does and wont ever respect you or your family.
It's more on the kind of man that is in the relationship, and that's the job of a good man, with a backbone. There are guys that people can mess around, and there are other guys who nobody mess around with.
2007-12-06 06:33:48 · answer #7 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, since I live right next door to my in-laws i think I did get a package deal. I have been trying to set limits for the last 10 years but they still don't seem to see them. They walk in my house anytime they want and always seem to be here. I am beginning to think I am Debra from Everybody loves Raymond. Maybe if when you married you could live in another state or maybe even a few miles down the road it could be different.
2007-12-06 06:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by precious1too 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely....wheather you like it or not, if your spouse is close to their family, they will always be a part of your family. Assuming it a healthy relationship with the family....that is actually a blessing.
2007-12-06 07:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, yes, you don't just marry your spouse but the whole family. And don't ever think that you can come between them....blood is blood unless the family is just really awful and abusive.
2007-12-06 06:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋