My new husband has a tradition of spending Christmas morning with his Ex-wife's family to watch thier son open his gifts, we are both invited this year. This year however, I don't have my daughter (from previous marriage) either but we get have both children the day after Christmas and I was trying to plan a "late" Christmas morning for our house. Here's where the problem arises, we bought both children a "big" christmas gift each and then a few small gifts. The cost was split for the big gift for his son with his ex-wife and my husband says that they always let him open this at his ex's families house. I want to see if he can open it at our house since he won't have much besides that gift and her family will have alot for him to open there already. That way Christmas at our house won't seem lopsided. My husband says that things will not be changed this is how it was done long before I came along. I am desperately wanting to create traditions at our house, please help!
2007-12-06 06:27:51 · 11 answers · asked by calleen24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The tradition sounds nice and as long as your invited and treated well by the ex and her family then don't try to stop the tradition. Remember who it is being done for, his son. Also, I think you should start some additional traditions that revolve around your new blended family.
I do think that it is less than appropriate for him and his ex to split the cost of the big gift. It would be better to have several medium size/cost gifts so there are some to open there and some to open at ex's house.
2007-12-06 06:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by Robert B 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I definitely think you two need to sit down and talk things out in full details, because I can really see both sides. Plus, your husband doesn't really know if the ex-wife would have an issue with this if he doesn't ask her. I love your comment about creating new tradition, since you two have a new life together. Also you can always play the let's turn the table around and see how both of you would feel if it's the other way around. I think most men, would 1st have an issue with spending time at the ex-husband house on Christmas day. Anyhow, if neither of you are willing to compromise, I think you should definitely do the early Christmas at your house, allow his child to help with other things that morning...yes it will still feel lopsided, but your husband doesn't feel like that matters and then once your everything is done, allow your husband and his child to visit the ex-wife house for Christmas for maybe an hour. So in the end you both get what you want. Who knows maybe the child will speak up and say what he would like to happen, next Christmas.
2007-12-06 07:05:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aside from his child support, he is not obligated to provide more. Of course, it is wonderful if he can. He now has a blended family and he cannot show favorites among the children. If it is a financial burden and would unreasonably affect others he has to say no. On the other hand, YOU have a blended family alos and YOU can not show favoritism. I am with my second wife (and last) she has a son from her previous marriage in a very prestigious university. Despite having some scholarships, it is istill more expensive than I planned for education. But we talked about it and we are BOTH willing to make this a prioity. I never use the word "sacrifice" you do NOT sacrifice for your family, you prioritize. We feel, when all is considered, that the BEST education we can provide for this young man is what we should do. We CAN do it, so we do. He is doing excellent and I am sure his future will be better because we prioritized his education. What better could I do with my money? You should have a 50% decision in your family's funds, above and beyond anything he is court ordered to pay, and the EX should have nothing to say in that. NOTHING. If you decide this is the best choice for this young man, then find a way to finance your share.
2016-05-28 11:23:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where as the gift was paid for by your husband and his EX, it should be opened in front of both of them. Were I to split the cost of a gift and not be able to watch the child open it and be excited, I would feel cheated and left out. Find another way to start your own tradition.
2007-12-06 07:03:40 · answer #4 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As families change, traditions should change to accomodate the new family members. This is especially true when it comes to new marriages.
I'm sure there's a way to work it out so that your step son has a nice xmas with his mother and a nice xmas with you and his father as well. Personally, I don't feel it's right for your husband to expect you to spend your Christmas at his ex-wife's house. That's just asking for an uncomfy situation.
2007-12-06 06:33:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
While the present was paid for by both parents it should be opened in front of both of them. You need to tell your husband that he needs to start thinking about the traditions of ALL of his family. In the future you are best not to split presents. Good luck!
2007-12-06 07:55:04 · answer #6 · answered by tom_gpp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditions we remember most never centre around the "biggest and best presents we had", try to think up some quirky, original and fun things that you will do every year that make the day special and memorable. If you try to stand in the way you will always be in the wrong-make the time you all spend together extra special and full of love!!! try not to get too hung up on the small stuff! Search on answers and see if anyone has asked questions about thier best christmas or xmas traditions etc and you will see that the things that are special to people are very easy to acheive but hard to forget!!
Go to his exs for christmas, put on a gorgeous outfit and be the nicest most wonderful guest and by trying as hard as you can to have a good time, you will not only have a good time, but you will go up in everyones estimation and remind your husband how lucky he is to have you!
2007-12-06 06:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by ditto 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
The first thing to remenber is this is the childs tradition. Mom and dad want this, and don't try to change it.
2007-12-06 06:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by tysdad62271 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your invited to go with him so I defiantly would but it sounds like you are going to have your "late Christmas morning" with your husband and daughter only.
2007-12-06 06:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
It's time for him to break that tradition and start a new one with you. It will be a hard adjustment but this tree needs to be pruned..... :-o
2007-12-06 06:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋