I am a Hindu girl married in Delhi & then went abroad.My husband who is the only child of his over possessive parents sends them 70%of his monthly salary, who control his money like hell & are v.sensitive that I may stop him from sending money in future.I came to India in between and did further studies.My husband paid almost 50,000/- Rs. for it after I begged my in-laws.Now I have found a job in Dubai.But now my my in-laws are forcing me to also send them a big part of my own monthly income while I wish to financially support my parents who are facing financial difficulties after my marriage.This is causing tensions & my in-laws say that since my husband spent on my education,so only he & my in-laws have the right over my earnings.My husband says that if I support my parents,he will never spend money on me in future.I want to add that my husband holds a joint account with my father-in-law in India from where money was funded for my studies.Can my in-laws dominate me like thi
2007-12-06 04:39:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is so different that the United States, so I could not answer in a way that fits for your culture. In the United States, others would not control your monies. If they did, it very likely would lead to a divorce. Are their other thoughts in India about this?
2007-12-10 07:01:17 · answer #1 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I don't get why 70% of your husband's income goes to his parents. My parents nor my husband's have any input on our income. I wouldn't tolerate his parents telling me what to do with my paycheck. What are you 2 supposed to live on and start a family with if you're both giving them a ton of money? Your husband doesn't sound like he has any strength to tell his parents enough is enough. He needs to get some. Although, I don't really know your culture and what's expected so forgive any advice that goes against that.
Here's what I would do...find out how much was spent on your education. Then make a repayment plan and contribute an amount monthly. I find it silly to repay your husband and what your in-laws have to do with it, I'm even more lost at...BUT...to make peace...repay it. Make it a reasonable amount but you don't need to give all your money. Then support your parents with a monthly payment as well. There should be a way to do both. Make sure you have some left over for yourself as well. See if a repayment plan quiets them at all.
Your husband telling you that he will never spend money on you in the future is ridiculous. He's your husband, he has a duty to help support you as well as you to support him. He should also be willing to help you with your parents. He should also be proud of your character for wanting to be there for your parents. Your strong bonds to your family is only an indication of how wonderful you will be with the family you have with him. I hope all works out for you.
2007-12-06 04:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by WutheringHeights73 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no humanity left in ur in-laws.
But I think its one of ur duty to help ur parents..
How much they have spent on u, ur husband can never spend that much for u..
And why is ur hubby sending 70% of his salary? I think its too much for old saas and sasur. Are they wasting it or collecting in thier own account? I think ur hubby is not yet matured in this case, he doen't think individually...
Start saving ur money for ur kids...
50,000 is not a big amount for ur hubby as he is earning in Dubai...and wasting so much of salary...
They have made u to study further only coz that u'll earn for them for ur whole life. I may be bit arrogant but sorry, my friend too is facing the same problem..
Well I want to tell u that if ur hubby is good and cares for ur thoughts then talk to him about this. Tell him that my parents have taken so much care in bringing me up and now its my duty tp help them at the time of crisis. If he doesn't listen then give some part of ur money to ur parents without tellling it to in-laws for sometime.
Or if u can borrow some money from ur CLOSE friend then do so n give it to ur parents and tell ur close friend that u'll return it slowly. I know its not good to take money from others but....
U r a working women, make use of it....
2007-12-06 05:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by Rani M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I don't know much about your culture, but the both of you need to cut ties with both sides of the parents. Your husband needs to respect you as his wife and you need to do that with him. The two of you need to put your money together and figure out what you want to do with it. Either of you are obligated to take care of anyone. Your husband has the right over your earning, not your in-laws. And you have the right over his earnings. The in-laws, both his and your parents needs to back off.
2007-12-06 04:50:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, its time you stood up for yourself....what you are trying to do is absolutely right...telling you, your in-laws need to be put in their place.....im from delhi too so i know how it works, but your in-laws have no right to demand money from you...you can go to court over this, tho not recommended....either your husband does not get that your parents are his in-laws or hes just to blinded by his parents fury...either way, you gotta do what you gotta do....tell your in-laws that your parents need the financial support too..the whole idea of not asking your husband to support your parents is right and respectfully you have done what you must and are going to support them yourself...there shuld be no problem...this is a classic case of stupid fockin in-laws jus bein mad greedy....and it pisses me of because this still happens in my country....honestly, be firm with your in-laws, explain to them nicely that they get ther share from the son, so you want to support your parents.....if anything repay your husband back for the money he spent on your education....honestly, i'd tell you to get out of this relatioship, but thats being extreme....i don get it why doesnt your husband think for himself instead of listening to his greedy parents....all in all, make it clear what you want to do with your money, since you are earning it and it is rightfully yours....nd honestly 50,000 rs is nothing....its prolly like 3500 dirhams....so don worry....
2007-12-06 05:11:53 · answer #5 · answered by b.arnav 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tuf situation but needs to take right decision???
ur not a machine to work for the ownerwho buy that...
Not only for ur parants who ever in need u have the right to help them with the money ur earning...
Try to convince ur husband.. If he wont accept let it be.. Parants r first.. live ur life..
2007-12-07 00:12:04 · answer #6 · answered by vnky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look dear ur parents also spend money in ur up bringing...nd after dat ur husband supports u for few time....itz better 4 u 2 explain ur husband abt each nd every thing....so try 2 dominate urself...dont compromise becoz ur parents r as equal imp. as ur in laws...infact they mean more dan ur in laws
2007-12-06 04:59:53 · answer #7 · answered by sunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him you are not geeting full salary.. dubai sheikh is eating half your salary and send the same to you parents.. :).. dont quarrel.. play some trick.. bec your husband is wrong so you also confuse him and help your parents..
2007-12-06 08:48:29 · answer #8 · answered by samcric 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 70% of your salary can go to your parents...only fair!
2007-12-06 06:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by prtpjs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋