? For married couples?

Question

How would you handle if you were upset with your spouse and tried to talk about your problems and what was bothering you but they ignored you and avoided the subject for several days.

Would you take that as a sign of no longer being interested in the marriage and leave? How would you handle that?

I should have been a little more clear. The subject is finances and his responsibilites. I work and pay more then half of our bills as I make more then him. We agreeded that he would pay certian bills. He is constally behind where I come in and pay it for him because it needs to be paid like cable or electric bill. He does not pay back the loan to me nor do I have access to his pay check. I say pay back since I contibute to more then half I would also like to save something for a rainy day not live week to week. If I need to pay all the bills alone then I don't need to be married as we are not a team. Our money is separate as his spending is a problem and I did not know about this until after we were married as he yes me to death and lied. I should have done a credit check but I was stupid and never thought he would lie. I feel that I am being taken advantage of as he knows if cable is turned off when I get home I will pay it there fore who cares. Him avoiding me dosn't help

Answer 1

Honestly, I would feel the same way as you do. My husband has kinda done that to me too. It really hurts my feelings. I feel like he doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Or even worse I'll be like "is he cheating". I think they just get tired or worried about something. I'm sure he loves you very much.

Answer 2

Men use the silent treatment as a form of control. Women use sex. So, to get him to talking you will need the following items: ice cream, and your mouth!!! (hint-hint)

You should have been more specfiic in the first place.
Marriage is not 50-50. If you make 20% more then it's 70-30. Don't make him feel less than a man because you failed to look deep before you leaped. If you don't want to be married that's one thing, but if you can't stand the idea of you making more money than your man, maybe you need to reevlauate your wants and needs and plan accordingly. Be warned, though, that what you wont do, another woman will, and one womans misery is another womans dream come true. Dont think that just because you dont want him, no other woman will. Besides that, does he make up for things in other ways. Example: respect you, have great sex, fix things, make you laugh, show up when he's supposed to, will he make a great dad???? Think about it!!!

Answer 3

You need to talk about whats going on. The longer you don't talk about it the situation will get worse. Find some place away from home or just driving in your car. Let the other talk and just listen don't interrupt . Truly listen and see how the other feels. Listening is not easy but try. It may save your marriage. Its saving mine.

Answer 4

Women use many things against men when they get mad. Guys use the silent treatment.

Just because he is not talking does not mean he doesn't love you. When you hold out sex, does that mean you don't love him?

If you want to fix the problem.

Before your husband gets home from work, go get naked and sit on the sofa till he gets home. I can almost guarantee that he will talk to you.

Before the games begin undressed your husband and then talk about what is wrong. After the talk go at it.

Makeup s*x is always a blast.

Answer 5

avoided the subject for several days? May he just had to go into his cave and think, for a while. some men are like this. I would not take it as no longer interested in the marriage. Just chill out and quit throwing more fuel on the fire

Answer 6

Sometimes men just don't like bringing up and talking about the bad stuff. They just think that its over and done with and you can't do anything about it so why talk about it. So just see if he can see things from your point of view to see if he can understand how you feel and do the same for him. Put yourself in his shoes to see how he might see things differently. That is what has worked for me. My husband always hated when I brought things that have already happened. So I just appreciated that he could at least see why I was upset and then I let it go becuase I couldn't change what happened. Holding on to things will also cause unneeded problems.

Answer 7

Well, I believe that people process things at different rates and at different times. I know for me, I will avoid a subject for a few days while i'm thinking about it. Yes, it drives my wife nuts, but it gives me a chance to think about it and address my own feelings. And I would never want her to leave just because I wanted to think about things. Married couples need to communicate, but the communication may simply be "I need to think about this for a little while. I still love you, but I want to think about my feelings before we talk about it. Please give me time to process this, and we can discuss it later, when we're both ready." For me, if I jump into things too fast, that's when i say something really stupid that i regret for a long time. Hope this helps a little.

Answer 8

What I tend to try to do in the situation you describe is step back one communication circle. Instead of trying again to bring up the subject that was bothering me, I would instead talk about why we can't talk. I might ask a question like, "What can I do to make you feel safe when we discuss things that are important to me?" I would also state to my spouse that I value her opinions, that I am interested in her point of view, and anything else that would reassure her that she is safe to be in disagreement with me.

Once you talk about how to talk about the issue, then the next day you should be able to talk about the problem in the manner you discussed.

Answer 9

First of all leaving is by no means at answer at all. It doesn't solve any problems. And if you quit at this you will quit at everything in life that gets hard. Communication is NEVER easy. My husband does that to me at times, but instead of trying to control him with my emotions, I give him space to think but let him know I am here for him when he needs me. He will appreciate you more in the end when you are patient. I am sure he loves you. Men are like that. All they need is space.

Answer 10

No, you would not leave. No, it does not mean that your spouse is no longer interested in your marriage. Who said communication was easy? You both have to work at it. Try discussing your issues from a different angle... maybe how they felt about the situation, not how you felt.