Have you screwed up you're marriage by cheating only to realize that you really love your spouse?

Question

What did you do or are you doing to try and get them back and is it working?

I appreciate your input Bonduesa but you are being presumptious about me. Maybe I was the victim here.

Answer 1

No but I screwed up by not trying harder to work through our problems.

Answer 2

Funny you should bring this up since I was talking about this to a friend of mine last night. I can completely understand why sometimes people feel driven to cheat (though I still believe it is wrong and would never do it myself) when they feel as though they are being neglected or mistreated. There is a basic human desire to want to be noticed by your spouse and sometimes we feel it is our right to go out and find these feelings from other sources when they are missing at home. Once you have made that decision though you have also broken the basic promise you made to that person by marring them.

The person who cheated my feel as though it was not their fault that this happened but that they were driven to it by their spouse. I can not disagree with this enough. Communication (I know most people forget how to do this) is, was, and always be the key to resolving problems. It seems so easy to most people to just blame someone else for their problems and then not accept responsibility for the actions they took.

I feel bad for people who cheat but personally don't believe a relationship can be saved once that has happened. Once again by that point you have destroyed the marriage by breaking the promise you vowed (before God in most cases) to keep.

Answer 3

YES I HAVE. And let me say, there is NEVER a "GOOD REASON" {thats nothing more than an excuse by the way} to cheat.

I have, in the past, been very unfaitful to my wife. She fully knows about it. I never could have imagined the hurt I was causing, [by the way-if you have children, no matter what their age] everyone involved.

Heres the thing. You all (like I) Had plenty of time and are and adult.....and thought things through before we said "I DO".

We didn't say I might, or IF - THEN, or for a while, or until I see cellulite, or not if you cant get rid of baby fat, or not if he won't loose the beer belly. we said I DO.

We have attended counciling and totally changed our ways in life, and it has been over a year.......but trust is a might fragile thing. I have great respect for the fact that my wife is willling to try to forgive, but they NEVER forget. It is and will be very damaging.

I almost threw it all away - and it wasen't until I moved out, that I realized how she has stuck by me through thick and thin-and she deserves better.

Word to the wize for both gurls and guys-DON'T DO IT. Someone will tell (usually the one you cheated WITH, or their friend) and someone will find out. ITS NOT WORTH IT!

Answer 4

I cheated only because I was tired of being cheated on. He'd promise over and over agin that he'd be faithful, only to screw around again and again. He and I were so co-dependent that I couldn't see the forrest for all the damn trees. It was sickness. In the end the mistrust, hurt feelings, insecurities, bad-mouthing, it all just came to a head. This crap lasted 15yrs. We've seperated 3yrs now and we're the best of friends, no longer lovers.

Answer 5

Yes I did that. Not that I didn't have good reason to stray but that's another story. Got back together with my wife and promised to make things better. Life was great for three years and then she left me for her girlfriend. The person I cheated with was actually an old friend who really was the one I should have stayed with. Good luck to you. Remember though, your best intentions might not be enough.

Answer 6

Yes,its not easy to say you are sorry but its worth it. Its going take time,you have hurt someone and betrayed their trust. You have to be honest and sincere about what happened. It s going to take time for the spouse to heal and trust you again. Don't put any pressure on spouse let them come to grips with and decide. You reassure and show them that you are sorry for what you have done.If you really love them and they love you , Time will heal and your Love will bring you back together.

Answer 7

People don't cheat because they don't love their spouse. It seems that people cheat out of boredom and curiosity. Marriages can heal from it as long as both people are willing to put it behind them and move on. It can NEVER be thrown in your face or even brought up because that opens up the old wounds. Good luck honey.

Answer 8

sorry to hear about your screwed up marriage. but when I made my vows, I promised to keep them no matter what happens. That is what a commitment is all about.. Not throwing in the towel , when things get a little rough and running off with the first man that gives you some attention. all your life there will be temptations, you just have to be stronger then your emotions, get some maturity and look before you leap.

Answer 9

My first husband was a cheater, I forgave him for ten years and finally could not take it anymore, we divorced. I learned that once a cheater always a cheater. I am happily married now and my ex is still single.

Answer 10

I cheated and that actually helped my marrige.. cause I dated what I thought was my dream girl, perfect in everyway for two years.. but in the end, she turned out to be just like my wife! Go figure.. so i got away with all the drama, and now i am soo happy with what i have.

I actually take my wife out on the same dates I would have taken my ex... An I am enjoying it.