Why does my friend talk down to me, at the most random moments.........?

Question

e.g. I'll tell him something that happened to me, and he'll sarcasticially respond, "did he?" or "is it"? in a purpously patronising voice.
It seems random, but what is the "trigger" cause them to do it at that moment in time?

Answer 1

I know what you are talking about. In my case, it was consistently my partner that was rude. Sorry to say, you are a victim of his mood and overall, his continual disrespect for you, in general.
C. :)!!

Answer 2

You may be assuming that he means to hurt your feelings. You can always check in with him to see, like others have said. Nonetheless, even if you are assuming, all feelings are valid. It just depends what we do with them. So if you take your valid hurt feelings but use them as a reason to hurt back, or don't communicate and then start to resent him, you have contributed to the problem with your friend.

As others have said, it's probably nothing personal, and even if it is, these comments are not your fault. You are probably just a bystander to his feelings. And if it happens enough, you can start to wonder if he is really a true friend to you, esp if you have shared with him that it hurts your feelings when he does it.

Last thing to consider is that some people honestly don't read social cues all that well, and they don't know when they are being inappropriate. Things like tone of voice, eye contact and staring, knowing how to keep personal space so everyone is comfortable...these things are pretty subtle and it is largely expected in our society that people just learn how they work and how to use them. Not all do.

If you are going to assume anything, you can assume that he doesn't know he is hurting your feelings, and tell him. And you can assume that he doesn't know how to use his tone of voice and help him practice.

Answer 3

Well I would say the trigger is jealousy and that just brings out the worst in people. Maybe he secretly likes you or just wants to be you. But letting someone talk down to you isn't right, so let him know whats up, before the situation spirals out of control.

Answer 4

He wants to be superior. Probably no trigger, just when he is in the mood to let you know. If you go along with that, fine.... otherwise you can do better, with friend who is supportive and respects you.

Answer 5

You are asking the wrong question.
This is happening so that you will learn how to take care of yourself and set a boundary with him.
Here's a possible response:
"You know, when you do that, I feel put down by you and I feel hurt/angry. Is that your intention?"

Answer 6

I'm not sure the case against your friend is convincing, but if in fact he talks down to you my question is why would you want a friend like that?

Answer 7

Ask your friend, not that I want to be lazy with my answer or anthn but I never met him, never knew how he was in other situations, wether he has problems himself etc, etc, etc.
So, I would say he finds you whiney, or he just wants to be a jerk, or he has problems and now dumps it all on you.
Go ask him, he should stop doing it.

Answer 8

He is ensuring he is the alpha. Keeping you in check at any given time means to him that he is in control and not you.

Or he thinks he is funny but lacks social awareness to know when sarcasm is humor and when it is not.

Answer 9

Perhaps you are acting in a naive manner which just naturally invites sarcasm.

Answer 10

It dosn't sound like 'talking down' to me. It's more like 'tell me more'. I sometimes say thoes phrases, but to encourage the gossip or whatever story a person is telling