How do I get rid of a mental image?

Question

Okay, y'all know the story now. Husband and I separated, for the most part friendly with each other, he's seeing someone.

We want our children to see Momma and Daddy acting in the same way we expect THEM to act, so we're working hard now to keep from being horrible to each other. Early on, though, very soon after he moved out and started dating another woman, there was a blowout, in which he disclosed some information in an email about his new personal life that has burned some really really horrible mental images in my mind. I threw up, then couldn't stop re-reading it for some reason. I finally deleted it.

He feels awful about it, and neither of us are innocent here. I know that. And I forgive him for what he said in a fit of anger.

But now I can't stop thinking of when WE were together, and these mental images keep flashing in my mind of him looking at her the way he looked at me, and seeing them together that way.

I know it'll fade in time but can I make it stop now?

Please try to stick to the scope of the question asked. I did some horrible things early in our marriage, and he stuck with me through them, so I'm not going to turn on him because he said something like that now.

By saying I forgive him, that does not mean we're getting back together. I just mean that I'm not going to hold it against him, and I'm trying to let it go.

I'm just asking if there is anything I can do NOW to help with this.

And I'm not getting into a relationship for a while, so going and sleeping with someone else will not make me feel better. There's too much to deal with at the moment, and I don't think it would be healthy to jump to someone else out of sadness or anger or jealousy or insecurity or whatever.

Rein: I love the man, we've been married for seven years and have two kids. I can't just "let it go." We're going to be a big part of each others' lives from now on, because we are both good parents who want what is best for our kids.

Nicka: LOL Nope, all getting a puppy would do is provide me with something else that would make me sick, AND with something to have to clean up after. I'm allergic. And my kids were late potty-trainers, so I have NO interest in going back to a poopy-cleaning place again.

Answer 1

I may be a bit of an oddball... but in that type of situation, I actually allow myself to think about it... a lot. So that I can get out all of my thoughts and emotions and so that it doesn't creep up on me at some point down the road. Eventually, I reach an "I don't care" stage and that's when I know I have fully let go of it.

You can't really help how you feel sometimes... so sometimes you just have to allow yourself to feel the anger, hurt, resentment, or whatever other feelings you may have. It's just better to do it in a non-destructive way... like writing out what you feel or crying, or shouting when you are alone... stuff like that.

Answer 2

For some reason I have never had a hard time moving on when a realtionship was over. I just find something else to do that I like better....go on dates, do things with friends, think how lucky I am not to be in a stale and dead end relationship any more. I have been in several long relationships in my life, 8 years, 11 years and 6 years......a couple of shorter ones also. Just don't think about the old....in with the new and have fun.

Answer 3

Everytime it pops into your head think of something other than him or your life together that makes you happy. Is there something that you are looking forward too about being single? Maybe a vacation you have planned? Or a holiday you went on as a kid? Just make yourself think of something else.

Answer 4

Its going to take so long for that to go away, when you start thinging of these images, think of something else and picture that, also, sounds werid but get a puppy... sometimes when you have things to do and take care of something your mind will let go ... plus puppys are so cute and you can always keep that in your mind.. good luck

Answer 5

Every time you find yourself alone at night and lonely and thinking of these awful things, slip into your children's rooms and look at their sweet sleeping faces and know that they are the reason that you are going to stay in control. Although your husband has robbed you of some pleasant memories, the children are your husband's gift to you, a piece of him and he cannot take them away from you.

Answer 6

whenever you start to think about it, immediately tell yourself (mentally) to "clear it" and do that until you do.

Answer 7

counseling.

Answer 8

get stoned