"Lay down with me, tell me no lies. Just hold me close, dont patronize...dont patronize me. Cause i cant make you love me if you dont...You cant make your heart love something it wont"
2007-12-06 02:07:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I think that although it has potential, it shows a lack of literacy and the lines echo the words of songs already writtten. "cause" is not the same as 'cause, which is a contraction of "because", and "i" (lower case) shows inadequacy in the psychology of the writer. You are a poet, or at least are attempting to be a poet, so you should have sufficient self-confidence to use the upper case "i". Poetry is not text messaging and it is difficult to take a poet seriously who uses "u" instead of "you". As you say..."don't patronize me". Look at form, line breaks, etc. and learn "why" poets use them. It is not "nuveau" to run poetic lines together in a sentence, it's just poetic prose...which is not really poetry.
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just giving you honest, straightforward feedback, which any poet who posts poetry should be ready to receive.
Keep writing...just treat it a little more seriously
2007-12-06 02:35:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheat that is a song , can't remember the name of the woman who sang it but george micheals did a cover.
2007-12-06 11:30:50 · answer #2 · answered by Casey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice nice nice
i'd fall immediately for you after hearing these words
2007-12-06 11:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋