how do i deal with my memories of child abuse?

Question

i was sexually abused as a child, i have never told any one about it, i am in my 30s and have always managed to put it out of my mind, but latley its all i can think about, i dont know why the past has come back to haunt me but it is starting to get me down and affecting my daily life.

i was abused by my mothers then boyfriend,from the age of 8 to ten, he used to come int my at night or when my mother was out

i have managed to block out what happened, but like i said latley the memories have come back, so clearly, ive started having panic attacks, but have been unable to tell anyone the reason why, i cant even bring myself to say it out loud, ive never used this as an excuse in fact i have been determined not to let this hold me back, so why would it start getting to me now? and why am i finding it so hard to block out, i dont understand

please, i dont know how to handle this at the moment, its really getting to me

thank you for the comments so far, im not sure if i will be able to go to see anybody about this, like i said i have never told anyone or said i was abused out loud , i cant bring myself to do it.

i feel angry with myself for allowing the memory to come back and affect me in the way that it has but thanks for your advice

Answer 1

The reason it's coming back persistently is precisely because you're trying to block it out. It needs to be a part of you which means you do need to get some help with this. It's a huge thing to have happen to you and your mind is saying, 'Enough is enough'. you can't pretend the abuse didn't happen. Please don't try to reject the memories but get some good help with this. I always refer people with real difficulties to the site below. It's the UK's professional body of counsellors and psychotherapists (not sure which country you're in). you'll be able to find someone in your area. It's a good age to start looking after yourself and you'll find it very difficult at first but hugely helpful. I was abused from the age of about 8 too and it has affected every aspect of my life. But having got help has made me understand it and understand me too. Please be care enough about yourself and find someone to help you.

Answer 2

If it is bursting to get out then you absolutely have to talk to someone about it.
There is something in your life right now that doesn't feel right although you may not be able to either acknowledge or understand it.

You have been incredibly brave over the years in the face of some appalling things happening to you, none of which did you ask for or bring on yourself.

Talk to a trained therapist or even your local priest. They are sworn to protect your privacy and like you they have learned to compartmentalise information.

This is a burden you need to share, if only to throw light on what is troubling you now.

You have always been strong and brave, you can face the demons and laugh again if you allow yourself the chance.

Wishing you strength and power every day from now on.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry you went through that. I've never been a victim of physical abuse, but I've been through emotional abuse so severe I have no self respect and very little self worth. You probably feel twice as bad as me. It very hard to move on with. You can never forget, and ignore your thoughts. Denial makes it worse. You need to convince yourself that all of it happened. You need to take out all your anger and safeness about it out, so that you can move on. You can't move on till you except it. You need to tell yourself that not everyone is like them, and that there are good people in this world, and extremely few ever want to hurt you. But most of all, get a phycologist/psychiatrist/therapist. No matter how embarrassing it is to say all of that aloud, it helps. You could also tell a treated friend if you ant afford to see a professional. It's hard to get over, and no one should ever have too, but lifes easier once you do.

Answer 4

after 20+ years of repressed memories.. you should seek professional counseling on this matter. Why? because you should be closely monitored with follow up visits so they can change tactics if needed while trying to find closure on this.

This is a VERY sensitive matter and requires a lot more help than a short read on Y!A can give. And any such short read could potentially do more harm than good, due to our limited ability to interact and visit in the future.

See a counselor.

Answer 5

You are the victim. It was not your fault. I had sessions with a transactional analyst, who was a priest and he helped me forgive my father. My father dies a few years ago. He sent my wife a message today through a medium to say he was sorry and was ashamed of what he had done.

You are possibly suffering from mild to medium depression which is allowing repressed feelings to surface. You'll need to speak to a professional analyst to get over these repressed issues and put them back in the box and put the box back on the shelf.

Oh, and I didn't believe in mediums, until today..

Answer 6

I hope you understand it was not your fault.
Please go and get some counselling to help you deal with this
Did you prosecute the man who did this?
If not maybe you could think about doing it now
Take care xXx

Answer 7

it's time to talk it out you need a professional councilor
u don't need to spend alot but u do need some one who will ask the right questions
i'm 56 and i just went through this

Answer 8

firstly you have to accept what has happened to you in your own head and understand that it was through no fault of your own, if talking to someone helps then do it as you should never feel ashamed of what has happened and you should NEVER let it ruin the rest of your life, good luck

Answer 9

It wasn't your fault what happened. There is absolutely no blame attached to you.