Help - whos right here?

Question

Married - kids. Wife will not accept responsibility - have 3 mortgages on house, (oh we can afford it - I was told) whenever I get mad about anything she blows up at me - accuses me of being depressed (family history-long story), not taking my medications, and won't back me up on anything. I don't feel depressed, but wes I have been more angry lately - have been saddled w/ a lot more stress than usual over past few months. Long story short - shes pissed about me not being on meds. Wants me out. I am at the point I am willing to leave and go off the meds permanently because I feel she is the reason I am on them in the first place. I am pissed that she never admits her problems with money and lack of control are why we are in such a hole. Should I leave? Should I stay?

lots of good help - thank you. As far as the sham religon answer - I'll put that one in the "Why I don't answer the door for guys in suits who aren't the FBI category." I am going t suggest therapy to her today to get her to see I am not the only one with a problem. (not going to say that of course, but I hope it will come out)

Answer 1

Some one is being selfish and it's not you.....maybe being on your meds helps her hide reality from you and when your off your meds you see the Whole Truth.....I think that you need to take the Check Book and start being responsible for the money......and get your finances back on track.

I am talking with some experiance with the Meds.....I used to take them after my first husband died.

Answer 2

Well, is sounds as if with 3 mortgages on the house your problems are not getting better at all. I take it she has a spending problem, and you are letting her or enabling her to do this. You are wrong for doing this....and she is winning the battle over you. You have to put your foot down on the spending, and get a grip quickly. No you don't have to leave, she would see to it you would loose everything, and still pay for her and the kids and the mortgage. If possible get with her parents....for support....and seek marriage counseling. Remember if you can prove to her parents that she is having a problem with the money they can listen. You have to have support from her side of the family or you will look like you are the one that is wrong. If she isn't working....she should be if only part time....so she can spend HER OWN money she earned on things she thinks she has to have. As far as your medicines....why tell her whether you take them or not....if you are very passive when you are taking them...the dose can be too much.....you have to have a clear head, to function properly, and a good healthy diet. Talk with your Doctor about the problems with your wife, and her acquisations about the meds. See if the Doctor can lower the dose slightly so you do have a clear head, to deal with the marriage problems, and financial problems. Get those 2nds paid off on the mortgage, (try to refi into one payment, to lessen the load) Without taking out any more money from the equity provided there is equity left. And buckle up the money belt, stop all the spending. Tell her she needs to get a job....and she needs to pull her weight around the house...not weigh it down. Geezzzzz Good Luck...I think you just need to face this and work it out. Remember why you fell in love....and find some of that again with her....that will definately help.

Answer 3

I'd be pissed too. Only you would know if your depressed. She is SO wrong. Does she even consider that if your are getting depressed it's HER JOB to do what ever is necessary to help you stay balanced. I'm sorry no disrespect intended but she's a B*ITCH. If you can live without the meds what wife would want you to shoving SH*T down your throat everyday knowing that there are side effects to medicine especially after long term use. I wouldn't jump straight to leaving but I would mention ALL the different aspects of the financial situation. How it'll effect your children's future(COLLEGE&SUCH). How it effects your mental well being ETC. If she doesn't try to see things your way then..........POOF! POW! B*TCH! I'M GONE!!! (don't jump straight DIVORCE) But don't allow her to lean on you financially. Do only what you have to for the kids! Not HER! Then after you leave give it sometime to see if she'll start to understand your point of veiw. Then maybe you guys will evenutally reconcile and be able to raise your kids in a stable environment. (BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY.) Good Luck & God Bless.

PS. Might even help for her to read some of your response from your Y/A community!

Answer 4

Yikes @ three mortgages on the house. It sounds like someone isn't too bright with the budget. You make it sound like it's her but did you also sign the paperwork?? Of course you're stressed. Being in a financial bind is stressful. Stay on your meds, get in therapy and take control of the financial situation if it's that outta hand. If she's not responsible with money, stop giving her any control. Financial issues can always be worked out. Make a plan and stick to it. Leaving now would only be bad for your kids and probably a financial nightmare for you. It sounds like you both have problems to own up to. I would give it some time, work on things and then re-consider in 6 months. Good luck :)

Answer 5

wow....there is a whole lot of stress going on in your home, and that can not be good for your kids! Sounds like you need to do a bunch of down sizing on lifestyle and get rid of a bunch of that debt, and marriage counseling. I can understand why you are feeling angry, and I think I would be depressed too in your situation, the thing is...often it is better to eliminate the things that cause the stress, because even with meds, if the stress causers are still a factor the depression will still be there as well. It sound very much to me that you feel very disrespected in your marriage, and if you are going to survive the marriage, it needs to be addressed. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Complicate situation and already a lot of hard feelings between both... and maybe both have reason, you and her..
I think, if every day is a fight and screamming with the kids listen maybe for sometime you shoudl leave house, and ask kids if want to stay with mom or with you this time you are living.

Try a serious conversation and for sometime separate to calm down to then take the right decision, it will be just some time..
It's good living in a hell not for the kids...
Meanwhile, try to be nice and calm down , not been angry, bcs is useless, not getting no where this way.

Keep you faith, better days will come:)
Good luck!

Answer 7

Take a break. You are not being appreciated, medicines or not. In a marriage whatever decisions are made, both parties are equally responsible and therefore the team must come togheter to overcome situations. There are children involved. You need to get to a better place with yourself. Focus. Work on you. Step back from the situation for a few days. Visit a friend or relative. Clear your head and make a plan for financial recovery and present it to her. But unless you are at a place where you feel better about your own self you wont be able to help anybody else. Don't make a harsh decision,,,relax. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

no one is in the right. just two persons extremely pissed out and stressed.

what makes both of you turn on each other in anger when this should be the time you pull together to solve these things. try not to focus your frustration on your partner. think of the solution not the problem. you wont get anywhere if you just point fingers at each other.

this moment right now is your trial, your defining moment as a couple. would you look back on this and regret that it didn't work out?

if having gone through everything and you feel that separation is the key then separate first with the material things that pull you down. sometimes stepping back makes you see the bigger picture.

Answer 9

I was reading a letter from a woman who said while she was growing up her parents fought constantly. They finally divorced and this woman said she had a much healthier relationship with her mother as well as her father after the divorce. She said she wish they did it sooner because all that happened between her mother and father had a direct negative effect on her. Don't stay because of the children,either go to consoling or leave and try to have a healthy relationship with your kids. Who knows your relationship with your wife might be more peaceful. Don't go off your meds without the knowlege of your doctor.

Answer 10

I can almost feel your frustration, and understandably so! Marriage should consist of two people who love and support one another. In your marriage, your wife sees no reason to have to support your point of view, to respect your efforts and concerns, and she lacks any motivation other than to blame it all on you not taking your medication. Now, regardless whose fault it is, if your doctor has prescribed medication for you then it should have been for good reason, you should take them. You must also stop blaming her for having to take the medication as doing so only leads to more battles between the both of you and this cannot be of any help. Tell her you will agree to taking the medication if she will agree to attend some type of therapy with you and a certified marriage counsellor. Good luck to you!

Answer 11

Oh my gosh, I am surpirsed you haven't had a heart attack! You have 3 mortgages on your house and she thinks you can pay for it? You lose your equity that way. No wonder she wants you on Meds. So she can hose you over some more. I would maybe try a teporary seperation, but do you feel safe leaving the kids with someone who disrespects you in front of them? I would start a bank account of your own ( tell her about it so she doesn't accuse you of hiding money) to help save to pay off the mortgages. Good Luck!