want to have an affair and divorce over it? or would you rather they do it get it over with and out of their system, and stay with you and you never end up knowing?
ps. Those are the only two choices, so what one would you pick?
2007-12-06 00:47:21 · 24 answers · asked by north e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't read in to this, I have not cheated I was cheated upon in a previous marriage in which I chose divorce. I believe over 75 % of the married couples have cheated upon each other or been cheated upon and dont know it...that is the basis of this question.
2007-12-06 00:52:49 · update #1
You can't rate how many affairs get caught, because you dont know how many get away with it, and many do I assure you, even you may have been cheated upon and never knew it!! lol Humans are not meant to be with only one person for life.
2007-12-06 00:54:32 · update #2
And if you don't have the mental insight to handle this question; skip it and move on and have a great day!!
2007-12-06 00:55:42 · update #3
I'd rather they told me, then there's half a chance of sorting it out before they do it. There's nothing so bad as finding out you've been cheated on after the fact, AND they've lied to you as well. Coming to me first would show they did respect me and wanted to keep our honesty and trust going. If I was really really tempted I would ask for help from my partner to not succumb to it, because we should be close enough to really be honest with each other, respect each other and feel that these things are tests which we should be working through together, specially as the sort of things that make people cheat can usually get fixed with hard work between the two of you.
2007-12-06 01:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Wonderwoman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You took 2and half years to realise you are incompatible. Have you tried discussing with her. Ok she is submissive, but are you implying that you want someone aggresive. Aggressive in your life or only in bed. Firstly don't fool around marriage is a big responsiblity and divorce a real big step. Think before what basically you don't like about her. Are these things inborn, can't she change herself on those fronts? If she can then work towards making your marriage work. Talk to her,it seems you've made up your mind to divorce her. So explaining anything would be useless. But just feel thingsfrom her side too. Not sexual in bed is a stupid reason. Tell her, judge her reactions. And then hire a lawyer and file a case in the family courts. Since your marriage is more than a year you can opt for divorce. But plz think about yourself and her too and also what your life will become after marriage and also think that can a few changes in one's personality save your marriage. It may be possible that she also must be having some problems from your side must be accepting few of your habits which she doesn't like. If she can accept why not you. But its your life, you decide. All I can say is that since you want a divorce and not her do think about her too. Good luck
2016-04-07 21:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the long run I think your choices are one in the same. Even if you never found out about the cheating there would be signs in the relationship that your soul would recognize. Your subconscious would pick at you. Deep down you'd know something was different. Communication and honesty are the only thing that might save the relationship. Cheating isn't just about the physical act of sex. There are usually needs that aren't being met outside of the bedroom. Discussing those needs openly will get to the root of the problems and may help heal trust issues caused by the cheating.
2007-12-06 01:16:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to say what anyone will do in a situation like that. It is easy to speak about "if you do this I will divorce you", than it is to actually go through it.
No I dont condone Cheating, But every case has a circumstance and If that is what is needed for you to get it out of your system, then I wouldnt want to know about it. Because this should be a ONE time thing correct? Now if it something that continues to happen, starts taking money away from the family, interferes with family time, Then YES you should divorce.
It all depends on how understanding your spouse is. If you just have a sexual fantasy, talk to your spouse maybe they will fulfill for you with out the other one having to cheat.
2007-12-06 01:15:45 · answer #4 · answered by lilLuv_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rather than boxing the respondents into such hypothetical situations - let's address YOUR own inability to pick up and move on. By your own admission - you were cheated upon in a previous relationship and ended up divorcing your partner at the time.
Now, that, in and of itself - was what you apparently chose to do and it apparently worked for you. That's fine. Good.
However - and what is unhealthy - is that you have lingering resentment towards the whole situation. Instead of putting it behind you and moving on - you persist on trying to "figure out what happened" and when others try to respond counter to your demands, you become offended.
Bear in mind that a public forum such as this will attract all answers - some of which are helpful - some of which are not - and some of which are just plain childish. BUT you asked the question and now are becoming defensive and sarcastic at people responding to you.
Therefore, as usual, I recommend some serious counseling to help you learn better ways of coping with your sense of betrayal and loss - and all the ensuing negative feelings you still hold and cherish (yes, cherish - for if you didn't actually enjoy feeling like this - you'd stop.)
And pull in your claws. You asked for responses and boxed people into a pair of hypothetical situations. So what did you expect?
2007-12-06 01:16:56 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a contract. An affair, even if agreed upon, violates that contract. Not to mention the lack of moral and spiritual aspect. It is also dangerous to bring an outside party into your sex life. This is also a very bad choice when children are involved. They may be young but not stupid. I would recommend fixing things in the relationship but, that is not an option. So, I say that divorce is best for all parties. Especially the children.
2007-12-06 01:05:00 · answer #6 · answered by Lita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouln't pick eighter one of those answers because both answers will put me in a place that as a human being will devalue me moraly and emotionally. Who is giving you those options? And with what right? You are more important than this. If you are faced with these options then clearly there a big problem with your self esteem if you actually think those are the only options for you. The thing I would do is distance my self from that situation to work on myself and not allow anyone to try to make me choose betweeen wrong and worst! good luck
2007-12-06 00:53:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are going to cheat then you need to be out of this relationship because it is only harming your partner and the children.
Kids know more then you think. If you aren't happy the kids can tell if they are older. How ever you need to remember the things that drew you to your husband and try to rekindle those feeling before you do something that you may regret later on
2007-12-06 01:11:41 · answer #8 · answered by Tammy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my children too much to put them at risk of the injuries sustained in a divorce and broken home is just not a proposition I am willing to contemplate. Infidelity is going to lead to problems in one respect or another, so while there are children at home I would rather tie a knot in it!
2007-12-06 01:16:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would prefer the honesty and divorce over cheating behind my back. Why damage the other persons trust?
2007-12-06 01:05:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋