Me and my wife are seperated.?

Question

We have been seperated for a year now, she get maintenance and extras frm me to keep the house and children.
I also do favors and do more than my share regaurding child care.
The other day she got stropy with me for not doing mainenance work ( bathroom lights not working and a problem with a tap ) This year I painted 200ft of fence with hardley any reconition for this.
Do you think I should pay mainetenance and do all the repair work to the house ?
Or should she get a man in to dothe work ?
What should I do ?

Answer 1

She is using you
Walk away and concentrate on your relationship with your kids

Answer 2

I think if you are doing all this and at some point meet a woman (you may already be in a new relationship) but im guessing that the new woman may feel a little like you are still very much involved with your EX. I know that its arguable that you do the house stuff as they are your kids but I think it sounds like theres still a real element of dependancy on you from your ex and it will probably cause problems down the line. I think you are doing your bit regarding the kids with both child care and finiacial support so id back off a bit with the DIY. Its only my opinion but when you get into a new relationship your ex may get funny if you suddenly dont want to be doing her all these favours so id back off a bit now. Just a thought. If the split is for good then your ex needs to begin to live independently from you and whilst ever you are there doing all the jobs you'd have done whilst you were together the situation simply wont improve. Goodluck!!

Answer 3

I don't understand why you guys are still separated if your doing all this for her, she should take into consideration of taking you back if you been doing all this for a year and being separated, i say since your not living there, she can either do it herself or get some other guy to do it, it sounds like shes doing nothing but making you burn up all your free time and keeping you from having your own life, if you guys are not going to get back together by now, i say go ahead and file for the divorce, do yourself a favor and stop doing and paying for the maintenance on her house, you don't live their, and until you do, it shouldn't be that much of your concern, she is just using you, and for all you know, she maybe seeing another man while she makes an *** out of you, i hate to see this happen to other men, i been through a similar situation.

Answer 4

That's a rough one. I assume you both own the house and depending on the state you are in there are laws that prevent you from just abandoning your family. About the only thing you could do is pay someone else to do the necessary repairs to the house.

Do you hope to get back together with your wife? Have you considered a legal separation or a divorce?

Answer 5

If you don't live there anymore and are paying for the kids, i don't think you should also pay for the lights, etc. nor do the painting. Children are both yours, she should remember that , you also.
Stop overdoing, you're separated. She needs a proper break to move on with her life, you too. Do what you have to do for the kids, but don't act as if you were a couple, you don't sleep with her anymore for god sake !
Now stop with all the favor stuff, just do what you have to do for the kids, full stop. Get ready for a fight though. You need to preserve yourself for the new lady in your life if you have one, or for the one to come. Your couple is over, you have kids, good for you but stop with the favors stuff and the painting, coming around, call her to see if she's alright, buy her medicines when she's not well, get her shouting at you when she's on her period, etc.
Even if you wanted her back, you wouldn't get back to her by acting like a carpet.You're too available for her.

Answer 6

If ur seperated why should u keep doing all the house repair, ur the kids father not her slave or repair man. Its about time u put ur foot down now before she gets any worse and demand more from u. U should start getting on with ur own life now and just spend the time with ur kids and not repairing the house over her head, let her either do it herself or get some1 else to do it for her, she is usen u and will keep doing it and will take it to the next level and see how far she can push and get what she wants.

U do way too much, just keep paying the maintence and see ur kids anything else she should see to herself, next time she asks u to do something, just keep saying u cant, ur busy and have work to do and tell her get some1 else in. she will soon have get some1 else in to it for her!!

Think of it this way, here u are doing all this for ur ex wife , and when u finally meet some1 new, u be hurting ur new partner feelins by running everytime ex barks or demand anything from u, she will think u either still have feelings for ur ex or u think she isnt worth anything 2u coz all u do is jump when the ex wife says so, put ur foot down now before some1 else comes along... Goodluck

Answer 7

Paying maintenance is more than enough. Its not your house although your kids live there. If you do decide to continue doing work around the place, know its for your kids benefit too. It sounds to me a bit like she is squeezing you for everything she can get. Dont take it laying down , but dont be rude. It also sounds to me as though she is still in Love with you. She has no right to be stroppy with you , tell her to back off. Personally, if i was in your shoes and i still loved her, i would try and get back together - forget all the past and differences. LOVE can overcome anything.

Answer 8

As long as you're paying maintenance & doing your fair share with the kids, she hasn't got a leg to stand on regarding you keeping up repairs on the house. Maybe she does need another man to come and do the house repairs - might keep her off you back.

Good luck

Answer 9

As far as painting fences go, she should hire someone to do that or do it herself.... I could see if you are knowledgeable about plumming and the plumming was in a state of emergency and she couldn't get someone right away where she might ask you for help (considering the children)... but generally, speaking it comes down to the kind of seperation you have... are you seperating in order to divorce or are you trying to reconcile? If the ultimate goal is to divorce, tell her to hire a man.. if you're ultimate goal is to reconcile, why wouldn't you want to help out with what will hopefully be your home again?

Answer 10

you're doing too much! she's never going to learn to stand on her own 2 feet while she's got you at her beck & call. she's got the best of both worlds, hasn't she. you need to distance yourself a bit. keep up the maintenance & childcare, but get on with your own life too. tell her if she can't afford to get a man in, you'll buy her a manual. why couldn't she paint the fence? stop spoiling her & she'll soon see what the real world's like. good luck, diane.

Answer 11

Lucky woman....all the benefits of having a man around the house without him actually living there. You are a fool to keep doing things like that for her....she has money (which you provide some of) so let her hire a handman next time!!