Please modify my paragraph with better English. Thanks?

Question

I am a girl with a peaceful and patient heart, who could delve into one task and seek the final success by trying and working constantly. This characteristic was formed through my experience of learning painting since six years old, because when accomplish a sketch, I need to observe, compare and modify it repeatedly. I also formed a habit of observing things and people around me and thinking about the affairs and people I encountered. When I dig deeper, I often obsessed by some profound problems, such as what is the meaning of life since everyone will die and why society exists. At the time I encountered sociology, I perceived that those problems are exactly the topics of this discipline. It analysis and explanations of the problems that I was long obsessed with attracted me to delve into this field.

Answer 1

A patient female by nature, I plunge into any task seeking success by methodicaly working the problem until I am successful. I have been painting since the age of six and this characteristic has developed through years of experience. Completeing a sketch requires constant modifacation before I am satisfied with the results. I've also formed the habit of observing everything around me, even contemplating the affairs of people I encounter. When I delve deeper, I'm often obsessed by profound problems, such as the meaning of life since everyone will die and why society exists. When first studying sociology, I perceived that these problems were exactly the topics of this discipline. The analysis and exploration of what I had so long been obsessed with insigated my further investagation into this field.

Answer 2

I am a girl with a peaceful and patient heart. I can delve into a task, and through tenacity and hard work, I reach final success. This characteristic was formed through my experience of learning to paint since I was six years old. I also have a habit of observing things and the people around me. I spend time thinking about these encounters and their personal affairs. I dig deeper during these thoughts, and often find myself obsessed with profound problems such as the meaning of life, since everyone will die; and I wonder about the reason for the existence of society. I have since encountered sociology, and I perceive these problems to be the topic of this discipline. The analysis and explanations for the problems that I often find myself obsessed with have attracted me to this field of study.

Answer 3

OK,here is what I have outlined...

...since six years old,(I would say "Since I was Six years old")
...because when accomplish a sketch,(I would say "When I accomplish a sketch"-no need for because)

.. I also(I would add "have" also) formed a habit of..

.. When I dig deeper, I (I would say "I am" instead of "I")

It analysis(I would say "The analaysis and explanation...) and explanations of the problems that I was long obsessed with attracted me to delve into this field.

Overall it was pretty good,I like the language used,and your writing is a prettty strong piece.

Answer 4

are you sure about using "delve" in your first sentence? i don't think it is the most apt word.... and....the phrase "because when accomplish a sketch" shouldn't that be "because when i accomplish a sketch?" OR..... Actually if i really wrote it my way, i would stop at "six years old" and then make a new sentence that begins with the phrase "In accomplishing a sketch, I had to observe, compare bla bla bla..." And the last part "it analysis and explanations..." what do you mean? do you mean "ITS"? are you referring to sociology? if you are, then it should be "its analysis and explanations...."

Answer 5

You should change "I often obsessed by some profound problems" to "I have often been obsessed by some profound problems" or "I have been obsessed by some profound problems".