6 months pregnant should i leave the father?

Question

i've been with my boyfiend for 3 years, both of us have being married before, not living with him, as met him soon after i seperated and he not in a position because of fininical obligations, when i found out i was expecting he wanted me to get a termination as he felt it would upset his previous family. after alot of soul searching i decided to carry on with the pregnancy without him but he then made the decision to stay with me, i've 1 previous child nearly 10 who was born with problems due to a difficult pregnancy and ended up in scub. he told his ex wife 3 months ago and she went mad, hates me and is threating to make his life hell if he has anything to do with me or this baby and is using his teenage kids as a weapon, he's lying to her about still seeing me and he because he feels guilty about how devestated she is is now going to couselling with her to get her over it and making me feel like its all my fault, i love him to bits but feel like i'm wasting my time, i'm scared

Answer 1

Wow. you have a tough decision ahead of you. It can't be easy to feel guilty even though it's not your fault how his ex-wife reacts. It surprises me though because if she couldn't handle him moving on then why did she get a divorce in the first place. I guess the best thing to do is to ask your self if you really want to be with a guy who has to lie about being with you so that he can still see his kids? Do you want that kind of pressure on your family? On your teenager? Ultimately no one can make the decision for you. No decision will be perfect and I think they all will hurt someone.

Answer 2

Ok so HIS ex-wife is saying she would make his life hell if he stayed with you....? Ok what the ex is trying to do is control your boyfriend even tho he said he wanted to stay with you & the baby. Your boyfriend needs to do something about the ex..because it's clear that she's SELFISH and want things to go HER WAY. Things can't go her way when there's a child coming into the world..the child needs a father & he's stepping up!

I know you think that his ex's family is going to ruin your life as well....but it doesn't have to be this way. I don't know if you can communicate with the Ex or not but if you can..talk to her & let her know a baby..a living soul is involved. If she don't listen then she won't listen...and it'll have to be her problem & you'll have to stay away from the Ex..and your hubby will have to as well.

If the kid's ex don't listen..and they're being brainwashed by their mother..then let your BF tell them & SHOW them what's going on. I know it may confuse the teens alittle..but the facts from you are better then lies from the mother.....

Answer 3

You said it kiddo, you are wasting your time. You do not need this stress in your life pregnant or not. You are better off on your own. He has baggage that he has not let go of yet and by the sounds of it never will. You should not have to explain yourself to the x wife or justify any of your actions, unless it directly involves her or her kids safety.Using her kid as a weapon is out of order and your partner sounds like he is never going to stand up to her or more importantly stand up for you. So as hard as it is , move on and let him go, let him have therapy with his wife, he sounds as if he should have some himself whilst there. Her been in therapy is not your fault, those are her issues not yours.The fact that he wanted you to get a termination on the grounds it would upset his x wife and his kids says it all. He isnt a man.
Been scared is natural, especially when you are pregnant, but you need to ask yourself if been alone with your new baby is more scary than spending a life with a man that has not the backbone to stand up for you or what he believes in and is making you unhappy.

Answer 4

I agree with columbo's answer (for the 2nd time today! =D)
Very, very good advice.

I really don't think this guy is going to be there for you and your baby and he's only going to bring you more stress unless you LET GO.
Just please, if you live in the U.S. (i don't know the laws elsewhere), demand child support!
Like it or not he helped make this baby, you didn't do it on your own, and he needs to take responsibility. I know you said he has other financial responsibilities and I'm sure his ex is taking everything he has for the kids he has with her, but he has to support the child he made with you, too!
I'm sure he is going to try to make you feel guilty or keep laying on the sob story about how horrible his ex is, but he got HIMSELF into this situation. It's time for him to stand up and be a man. And if he refuses, the court will make him.
Remember that you need to make healthy choices for your new baby.

Best wishes!

Answer 5

Im sorry but this guy is not a guy who I would want, he had no business telling his ex wife anything about his relationship with you, why does he consult with her anyways it should only be about the kids they share, what goes on in your relationship is between you and him its none of her business, seems there is an emotional attachment to her still and he let all this happen its not your fault and honestly you would be better off without him...

Answer 6

Well done for making the right decision to bring up your child !
WELL DONE !
In UK people are so nasty and I just see them not willing to help at all and blaming you and they're so WRONG !
YOU ARE RIGHT and well done !
As for leaving him, well if he helps you and supports you all good, but in reality he has no claim to you affections if what he said is really true. He should be so sorry for saying that !
Now you have a GREAT life ahead of you and you will bring up your children well and you don't need all the nonsense.
Even in UK there is some support for single parents but life is actually MUCH better on the continent.
Imagine, you get on the boat in Portsmouth and straight away there are friendly staff and free child care is available while you can goto the restaurant !
Then in France there is very good childcare and it is under 50 pence an hour.
In Switzerland it is even better and you get paid at least double what you get in UK.
And with decent people (many of whom goto Church) you have a strong society to help you.
None of us bring up kids alone, we do it in a society, but UK society is morally bankrupt.
Why not leave him if he does not SERIOUSLY love you and support you because there is so much GOOD in this world !
Even in UK you will be helped, but you then pay so much tax you help UK too. So don't listen to nonsense anymore !
STAND UP FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL KIDS !
WELL DONE !
YOU'RE A GREAT PERSON and it is my pleasure to answer your question.
Thank you.

Answer 7

I find it very interesting that your boyfriend is more willing to care for his ex wife's emotional needs than yours. He's actualy going to counseling with HER to help her? The fact that he's lying to her indicates that he still loves her and cares very deeply about her feelings. The fact that he wanted you to destroy the evidence (by killing your own child) indicates that he doesn't love you AT ALL. The only thing you're getting out of this situation is child support. Yes, you're wasting time.

Answer 8

Your boyfriend has issues, and his ex wife is insane... your pregnancy has absolutely nothing to do with her... she and your boyfriend are divorced. so there is no way in hell it should affect her or anyone else....

people are nutso.

your boyfriend included.

being pregnant is not a valid reason to stick around. you have to decide what is best for YOU... if the boyfriend is lying about his association with you, that is sad... i don't see why he has to sneak around behind his ex wife's back to have a new life and girlfriend.

if it were me, i'd stop the insanity and go forward with my life.. but ultimately it's your decision.

Answer 9

I totally agree with answer number 2... I mean, it's not your fault for one, and I think that you and him need to pack up and move very far away from the crazy pyshico...

Answer 10

agree with answer 2