Why can't i get over him? (need advice fr. married couples)?

Question

I'm an old-fashioned woman once it comes to love. Not as naive as i used to be - i got my heart broken over puppy love in high school and i've learned to become realistic. When i got to college, i met this person who ended up being one of my close friends - probably the closest i've been to anyone for a long time. I never thought i would fall for him nor would he fall for me. We had a good relationship - nothing i've ever experienced. I was so comfortable with him - we could talk openly and trust each other about anything and everything (rare nowadays) and we could also laugh and understand each other. For a friendship, we were very affectionate - taking care of each other if one was heartbroken or not in a good place. Looking back, i'm surprised we kept inside the boundries as friends. He was always respectful and a gentleman to me - this was truly a special relationship no one can understand except for the two of us. Close for about three yrs...

Early this yr, we fell for each other year very deeply (hes always had feelings and i never caught on). We were "together" for a little (cuddles, give him first kiss) - i KNEW it would be potentially a good relationship. It was always my ideal relationship to end up w. a best friend. I could see myself being with him in the future for a long time but not at the moment. I had that "gut feeling" that kept telling me, "yes, be with him but wait. not now in your life." Very strong feeling and i agreed. I'm at the pt in my life where i want to start a foundation and finish my studies first. He understood completely and it was hard for both of us. For the next couple months after that, we tried being friends but i think it was harder for him than me. I told him back then that i would get over the situation of us not being together someday but i would never get over him. It's almost been a year and who knew i spoke the truth back then. I've met and hung out w. other guys but NOTHING compares to him. I respect him as a person and it's hard to shake him off. After the past few months, i've learned to not force feelings - to not force getting over him and not getting over him. It is what it is and let your feelings be. It's been months and i STILL feel the same way. I know for a fact the only way i'll get over him is if God allows me to meet my future husband. Other than that, i don't think i'll ever get over him.

WHY? Why does it SEEM like everyone's moved on including him....except for me?

I know i'm young and there's soo much more that will happen as a i get older and i shouldn't hold out for anyone and just live life but it's hard...i simply just can't get over him...

Answer 1

how do you know that God did not put him in your life for a reason? Maybe he was the one and you let him go. Life is a funny thing, nothing is spelled out for you. You can't expect to know and see everything. Experience life for what it is not what you think it should be. If this man was supposed to be the one for you than it will happen. Don't force it. You feel how you feel and if that is for this man than try and make it work, it may be easier than you think! Live more and think less. You are only young once so don't waste your precious time. Pray about it and God will take care of you even if you don't think so he is!

Answer 2

Have you ever heard that saying, "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, you were meant to have it. If you lose it, it was never yours to begin with"? It's corny, but it really applies here. You made a decision based on your goals and on a very strong feeling you had. Just because it was hard, and caused a lot regret, doesn't mean it was the wrong thing to do.

Since he is now in another relationship, there's not much you can do. He moved on, and it is not your place to interfere in what he has now. You could hold out, hoping that if things don't work out for him and his current girlfriend, you might have another chance to tell him how you feel, but don't set all your sights on him. Try to meet other people. Date. Get to know other guys, and see if there's anyone else you like.

If you make up your mind to never get over someone, you won't. But the truth is, most people don't end up with their first loves. I'm not saying that to minimize your feelings, or to suggest that you are overreacting. But try to reframe your time with that great guy so that you think less about "the perfect man who got away," and more about the meaningful experiences you shared with someone who deeply touched your life. Even though it wasn't the right time to be together forever, you still learned a lot from each other.

It must be very hard to have lost a good friend, as well as a partner. What a lot to deal with - it is understandable that it is taking you a long time to get over this relationship. You do need to acknowledge, however, that no matter how much he means to you, he may not be the person you're destined to be with. And for all you know, the man you end up marrying may already be in your life! Don't be so blinded by a past love that you don't see what God has put in front of you. Just try to be open to His plan for your life.

Answer 3

Finances are pooled into one account -- you are a team and a couple -- no separate accounts. What my husband and I did in order to have "free money" and not have to account for what we bought just for fun or if we wanted to buy something for each other -- we each got a certain amount of money at the first of the month. Some years it was only $20 and some years it was $150. This was money we could save up for something, spend that very day, etc. As far as credit cards, one account and you each have a card, paid off with the joint checking account you have. I don't think a husband and a wife can both have careers and have a happy marriage. I think both can work, but one has to have the household as their main goal. Otherwise, who is there to make a home, to nurture a home, and have a comfortable home to come home to. And, when you have children, I believe the mother should be home with them for the first 2 years, at least. No one will love your children more than you do and they need that nurturing. Now for your marriage -- DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. No questions or thoughts about this. Any problem will be solved and discussed. And, your marriage is the most important thing -- nurture each other and take care of each other. When you do have children, make sure they don't become more important than your marriage. Good luck.

Answer 4

gee maui, now u going trough what i've been going for a year and a halve accept the difference is that i don't want to give up, but still kinda like u, i can't no matter what i do, it just keeps staying strong, my love for her, my feelings, they never fade out, they never go. i know it hurts going trough this and unlike what almost everybody on answers tells me, they always say to move on, but from my personal opinion, every time somebody told me to just move on, i ignored them and what happened, something good. trust me, i've been trough this very situation for a longer period of time, u know the story, just sing in and i'll be on so we can chat, maybe then i could become a bit more helpfull. and i'm going trough even worse now, new problems to face. if u ever read this email me and i'll explain, cause i don't think i'd type that as n answer and it's a long story. also, a little advice, u should check ur email more often, like before and after going on answers, might come in handy!

Answer 5

Finding a husband won't help you get over this friend. I know you've already heard this but is sounds like you had great marriage potential with this guy. You two were attached and close so you will always carry an attachment to him. You probably will even compare your future to him. Well I wish you were more like this guy I date once...although I sure hope you don't tell your future hubby that! Are you sure your friend has really moved on or is he just good at hiding it? Time helps but never completely heals.

Answer 6

Because there's something wrong with you. It could be a chemical imbalance or an improper diet. Or maybe you just need to get laid.

Stop asking questions on the internet and come over to my house, and I'll help you move on.

Answer 7

I will always agree to this being the best advice, and have noticed one other question like yours today, so I felt obliged to copy my response to you as well...

"You will always believe your first love was your last, and your last love was your first!"

Be sure to write this down, and hold onto it :)

When you do finally move on, you'll realize its true meaning... its not over for you girly, not by a long shot. Take your time, and you'll see your way when its time.

be sure to save the quote. My grandmother told me this years ago, and it still remains true with most things in life... as you replace them, things are quite as they seemed before... be content in how it works, and accept it for what it is.

Answer 8

you're not alone, there are so many people who feels the same way as you do...i even felt like that before also...know what why are you holding back yourselves when the two of you can be together?...why are you worrying about the future so much...?be with him damn it!!!stop hurting yourself!!!you deserve to be with him and so does he...don't be an idiot...never say no to love...come back to him and tell him how much you love him...

Answer 9

It is said best friends make the best marriages! Why do you want to get over this guy?You better grab his a** before you regret it!! Try again! What's keeping you apart? your studies?they have to end somewhere you better hurry an try to get this guy back!!!! RUN!!!!!!

Answer 10

Your friendship sounds like an ideal marriage relationship ouside sex. What's the problem with being with him? If you still have feelings for each other, go for it, and God bless you