My boyfriend and I having been dating for around 3 years now. We both have two years of college left. Both of us see our relationship ending in marriage if all goes well. The only major concern I have is not in him, it is his family. First off my family loves my boyfriend. Everyone is very kind and inviting to him.Then comes the problem..his family is does not include me in hardly anything. They barely talk to me when I go to their house. I do not feel welcome. Their house is also a very messy place, which my boyfriend and I greatly dislike. I cant see my future kids being in their presence. He had talked with them about it. Nothing changes. He feels very bad about the way I am treated. His mother is very protective and I think this is the cause but it really hurts me. I'd like to be close. What should I do..continue being friendly and try to make a good relationship with them even though it doesnt seem to work? Should I try to give a little distance and accept that we wont be close
2007-12-05 18:52:50 · 9 answers · asked by sjtwae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its a good sign that he supports you in the fact that you and his family are not connecting. you need to accept that they are not that kind of people and its not you. keep being kind and open and leave it up to them to make the next move. you cant make them love you or include you. stop trying just accept the way things are and move on the making your relatioship with your bf better and better.
2007-12-05 19:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by livelongandprosper2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really have to give more thought to the fact that if the two of you have children you may not be comfortable having them around his family. This is a really big statement to make. Whoever said that we marry the person not the family was wrong. His family can probably sense the uneasy feeling that you have when you are at their home. Even though he is not happy about his families lifestyle choices they are still his family. His mother is still his mother and he WILL want his children around her. You have some serious thinking to do. It could work out and you could just have to realize that you will never be close to his family. No one says you have to and you don't need that to have a happy marraige. The two of you need to talk.
2007-12-06 03:02:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't cast doubt into your marriage based on his family. You are building your own lives independent of them. Clearly there are some things that you will never agree upon. As long as you know that and can continue to be friendly with them, there's nothing else you can do.
Your children will not be harmed by their presence, They will be influenced by you and your husband and how you lead them by example. Children are smart and they will understand the difference. The children will see how people treat other people and how they treat their house.
Over time, you might become closer to them, but you might not. The important thing is to not let them influence the life that you and your boyfriend could build with a family. They are your values and they will be instilled in your children.
2007-12-06 03:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can't choose our families...Accept them for who they are...You and your bf have tried to change them and if they don't accept it let it go...You will be living with your boyfriend, not them and when your kids in the future go to see their grandparents, it will be their choice. Keep being nice to them no matter what they do because if you start being mean and try to get it back at them, your boyfriend may take their side and you will loose him.
2007-12-06 02:59:38 · answer #4 · answered by ^Blue Rose^ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was the case with my husband's family. They did not like me. My parents loved him. Lucky for me, we live close to my mom and not his parents. It finally came to a head when our daughter was about 5 years old and we told them, if they don't treat me nice... we just are not going to come visit. They don't rush to meet me when I come over but I don't feel like the plague anymore around them.
Remember though, you are not marrying his family. It is ok to not spend a lot of time over there. Accept that they might not be happy with you, but don't change your plans because of them. If you love him and want to be with him.... don't let them stand in the way. It sounds like he is able to stand up to them and that will come in handy after kids come. Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-12-06 02:58:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look this wont last get out your wasting your time.My partner came from rich educated family father u would think they would love to have their son get married but not their son my partner and they have issues.So he keeps bringing his baggage into our relationship his issues of childhood.So neither of us get along atlast after making it work for 4 to 3years it ended when it got abusive.
2007-12-06 03:17:09 · answer #6 · answered by guygirlmetchat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you can see yourself married to this guy and having his kids, then it is worth it to keep trying to get the potential in-laws on your side. It certainly makes being married easier if you two aren't fighting over them.
2007-12-06 02:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he supports you over them...it should be okay. Its fine to let it bother you, but don't let it affect your relationship with him. I am sure over time....they may get better. I deff would not try to judge their house or their way of life....they may consider you to be snobbish. Just try to accept them, and the way they decide to live. This might help!!!!!!!
2007-12-06 02:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are nice to them, then keep being nice. Dont let them change who you are. If they are not nice back then its there problem not yours. Dont worry about it too much. Stay who you are.
2007-12-06 02:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋