i have a big familly and i work?

Question

my husband never helps with anything -chores or raising kids we have 9) im in my late 50's i wokr to help out with the money issues, how do i get rid of the resentment i feel with all the responsiblities i have on my sholder and his lack of help. hes not even there for me.. he never even says i love you or how can i help u. hes very self absorbed. what should i do?

Answer 1

How old are your kids if you don't mind my asking? 9 kids is a handful and my hats off to you. Maybe its time you took a break and went on vacation by yourself, take a breather and if he asks - tell him you're going on your own because you want to sort out the rest of your life and you still want him in the picture. Remember those kids are not getting younger, nor are you. You still have a good chance of finding someone who'll make you happy, I suggest you begin asap.

Answer 2

So what does he do all the time? Watch TV? Read? On the computer?

- Make out one of those nice charts for the children to help you:

Put things on there they can do like: dusting, emptying waste baskets, setting the table, tidying up the living room, tidying up the bathrooms, brushing and feeding the dog, taking dirty clothes all to the laundry room, etc. Rotate the chores so they don't get bored.

- Very sweetly ask him if he's unhappy with you working and tell him you feel so exhausted like you have no energy or something

- Hire a housekeeping service for 2 -4 hours a week (or a nice high school girl from your church to assist you as a Mother's Helper)

- Leave him little notes a couple of times a week like: "Darling, would you mind picking up the dry cleaning for me? It's at so and so cleaners - here's the tag. Appreciate it. Love you. XOXOX" or "Dearie, Would you mind checking Johnnie's homework when you get home and check Mary's spelling list? Love, Me" Sometimes make them little love notes saying how much you appreciated his help with one of the little jobs he gave you. Occasionally, when you give him bigger jobs, promise you are bringing him a treat like a hockey movie or dessert or chocolate kisses for all the children who do their chores.

- You could have a family game night once a week.

- Ask your husband's opinions on things to make him feel important and involve him

- You might consider a regular family meeting

- See flylady website and thebusywoman yahoo group for organizing and homemaking tips

- If nothing works, can you do without your job?

Joy to you!

Answer 3

with 9 children,you still doubt his love? come on, love is not expressed by words only but by action. May be after 9 children, you are sure that your husband loves you. As for him not helping you with the chores, you better talk to him about it.

Answer 4

He is your husband, in order to find his true feelings, you must ask and have a social conversation. Through romance is where the truth shall be revealed. If that is not the case, it would be best to confront the problem or to make a change by your own doing.

Answer 5

i thought that a marriage was 2 help one another,but i guess in your case your husband doesnt care.u have to ask yourself what r u willing 2 put up with,when it comes to taking care of kids and home chores men tend to think that women r better at that than they r.if u dont think that he loves u, then seek helpto mend your marriage,u have alot of kids so being alone may frighten u,if u feel like your husband is unfaire then and uncaring then u know best

Answer 6

If he doesn't help out, sit down and write out a chores list. Put all the kids names on it and your husbands. Let him know what his chores are. If he refuses to do his share, stop washing his clothes, stop cooking for him, don't pick up after him.... you get the idea.