my exhusband has a new girlfriend and has decided that he is going to spend time with her away from our kids. The first time was 2 weeks ago, he went to New Mexico on vacation with her for 10 days then he's leaving tomorrow for five days to go to Mississippi with her. Granted I am happy for him that he's moving on but my 10 year old is pretty upset that Dad keeps leaving and in her own words hates this woman because she is taking her Dad time away from her. I have NEVER said anything cross or bad about this woman. I love the extra time I get with the girls, I really am not complaining about that. After about 2 days, my girls begin to ask for their Dad. Honestly, I could never leave my girls for an extended amount of time like that to be with any man, my obligation is to them. Tonight, I finally told him I had enough and I was worried about the girls and his constant leaving. I guess fathers are different than mothers. We have joint custody.
2007-12-05 18:18:47 · 13 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In addition, he is a physician so he is frequently on call and I have to constantly work around his schedule. He was on call during the entire Thanksgiving break, the girls saw him one day during vacation.
2007-12-05 18:19:44 · update #1
so what is the question sorry
2007-12-05 18:23:55 · answer #1 · answered by lirpa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you still didn't ask any question so, I presume you are venting. A lot of women use their kids to control a situation that is really out of their control. You husband has a right to move on and do what ever he wants. Obviously you want to put a guilt trip on him for doing it. You have to tell your kids that you and Daddy are no longer married and that is why he is going out with someone else. Tell them this is what happens when Mommies and Daddies get a divorce, they find new partners. Also, you need to tell them that their Daddy will always be their Daddy and your will always be their Mommy even if you go out with other people or marry them. Now that you don't live together things will be different. Keep reinforcing his love for them and not your disapproval. Kids are not stupid they read between the lines more than you know. Perhaps when you find "your" right someone you might want some time alone with them.
2007-12-06 02:39:48 · answer #2 · answered by Tiny Jr. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, don't let the girls blame the dad, and don't tell them stuff like "I don't know why he goes with her all the time either". Stuff like that just makes it worse for the father/daughter relationship. Tell ya'lls kids that sometimes dads need some alone time too and that he doesn't love them any less (as long as that's true...never lie to your kids). Don't be worried about his leaving, just express concern and tell him the kids are disliking his new girlfriend because she takes their daddy away. In a way, if you take the kids' side, it is teaching them it is ok to be selfish with people's emotions. That it's ok to put their needs up front of someone else's. Eventually it won't matter who. Worst case scenario, granted, but still plausible.
2007-12-06 02:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by unclewill67 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel for you. my ex basically did the same thing. my son was 16 when me and my ex split up. he wanted to stay there, he had 1 more year of school to go and he wanted to finish at his school, i had no problem with it, my ex was always out running around, thank God my ex in-laws lived 50 yards away. i hated the fact that my son was home alone. i would call him each night to make sure he was fine. he was always studying for one thing or another. my daughter went with me and she never seen her dad. to this day their father is not in their lives. you're doing exactly what you need to do. and yes i think guys are like that. my daughters ex is the same way. he had time to go back to school while my daughter is struggling to raise her family. her ex see's his son maybe once every 3-6 months. he had moved 6 hours away and now he is moving even further away then that so he may now only see his son once a year. my daughter and her ex-husband also had joint custody. she finally got fed up with it and took him back to court for full custody. it may be in the best interest for you and your girls if you would get full custody. you may also have to get the girls counseling. your 10 year old is going to be going through some tough stages and she really don't need the extra burden. so she may need counseling to learn how to deal with these things. i wish you and your girls the best of luck.
2007-12-06 02:38:32 · answer #4 · answered by yak4the8car 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you've already told him your feelings about it, I suppose the next move is up to him, It sounds like you told him in a confrontational way though which is not good, Ask him if you, him & the girlfriend can sit down and discuss it. Tell the gf. that you don't want to interfere in thier lives at all but you want her & the kids to have a good relationship. Just ask them what they suggest. It will make a difference whether this girl is in this relationship with your ex for the long term or is it a new relationship? But regardless, leave the problem up to them to solve. This is just one of the issues you two will have with your children because of the divorce, it hurts kids in many ways and the two of you will have to practice a lot of damage control for your kids. Men do seem to be able to be without thier kids for long periods of time more than women, it's just the way it is. When they ask for thier dad just tell them when he will be back, tell them he misses them too & he loves them. Then try to distract them. They will remember as they get older who was with them all the time, he will be the one to suffer in the long run when his relationship with them sours from not spending enough time with them but you should have nothing to contribute to their bad feelings about him or his gf.
2007-12-06 02:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by thisaintall07 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your kids that their Dad and you are no longer Husband and wife .It hardly gives you or you children any satisfaction that you Husband is living with another lady after your relationship had broken up.This is high time , you should be little composed and bold to tell the truth to your children.Please don't go on telling fiction to them for months .....on and on.Put a stop to this which is unethical and not a fact.Tell the fact in manner that becomes
understandable to them.
I know this is difficult job for you.But you will have to do this.There's none else who can do it better.
God Bless
2007-12-06 02:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would talk to him and tell him how the girls are feeling and that since there Christmas vacation is coming up that you would recommend that it would be a great time for him and his girlfriend to take the girls and all spend time together and this way he is involving the girls in his life and they too are getting to know the new girlfriend...
2007-12-06 05:21:16 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay - since you're okay with his new GF, have you considered being friends with her? Because the father is so 'into her' at the moment, maybe you can ask your husband if its okay with him for the two of them to have dinner with you and the kids... at least the kids will get to know her and stop hating her, at the same time, the dad gets to spend time with his kids. You seem like a great person to be so mature about this - you'll know what to do. Good luck and God bless.
2007-12-06 02:23:30 · answer #8 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men are different than women that's why GOD let us have the kids! Maybe your daugthers should talk to their dad an he will get the feeling from them instead of you! He probably just thinks you are mad because of the other woman an trying to hurt his relationship! Let your girls tell their dad!Whenever he goes on his trips why don't you take the girls an go away keep them from thinking about it! Take their minds of of daddy dearest!
2007-12-06 02:27:39 · answer #9 · answered by ajjsdj4ever 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Adults have a life beyond their children. I love my children dearly, however I sometimes needed a vaction away from them to relate to my bf in an adult environment.
You need to explain that she is not taking him away from them, but rather trying to get to know her better. Tell them that he knows them very well, and loves them already. Tell them that adults have to have adult companions too. Tell thme that if you and he were still together, you and he would take some adult vacations too.
Never reenforce their doubts about how much their dad loves them. That is wrong, and could affect their self esteem.
2007-12-06 02:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband is absolutely right. he is in love, he divorced u cos he didn't love u any more and now he has to start a new life. he will not dedicate all his life to your daughters and he shouldn't. and i don't see what's wrong with telling to your daughters that. they re selfish brats, this is not a good feature to give your children in their future life. the world didn't stop spinning when they were born neither it will when they die. try to explain them that. nobody will ever be treating them as if they are the center of universe except u and that will make them very depressed in future life
2007-12-06 03:13:15 · answer #11 · answered by yeahright 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋