My very soon to be husband is making final arrangements to join the military so he can go to Iraq. Although I agreed to be supportive & willing to raise our family of 6 on my own because I know how important it is to him to be active in a war. But now that the time is so near, I feel a bit of resentment. As if he's not in any concern about me or our family. And most of all, I haven't been honest about how I really feel... I'm terrified that he may not even come back!!! With no intentions on changing his mind, should I be truthful with him on how I really feel? Is it selfish of me to feel this way? If I hold this in will I regret it later? I really want to do whats best for all of us. I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet & its heavy on my mind. Any suggestions??
2007-12-05 17:08:32 · 10 answers · asked by lovie808 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, first I'd like to say I could never leave a big family like that! But I'm not him and don't know all the facts that is drawing him to want to go into the service with such a huge respossibilty of his own at home!
I really don't think he's really being fair to you or the rest of the family! I know many wifes and girlfriends to military men go to bed every night, scared and lonely have very hard days to live until there men come home and some never do come home!
And wars change the men! the ones that do come back home, seem to be totally different men and they try to fit back in as if they never left, but realitiy hits them and many find themselves lost! especially if gone for years!
There's going to be many lonely nights for you and him until he returns and your feelings your having now, are true feelings! how you felt before was just supportive feels, and now that the fact he's going to be leaving real soon, well your true feelings are coming out now! and maybe before when you were so supportive of him going, wasn't really truely supportive! You were showing it to maybe make him feel more at ease!
But after you had plenty of time to thing everything over better, you have found that your true feels are totally differnet now! But the problem you face now, is now there is no turning back now for him! He most likely has to go now and wants to!
But a marriage is built on Trust and Honesty, without them there is no marriage! at least one that will last! you can't sit back and hold your feelings in and go ahead with the marriage with this serious problem you have now! You must tell him your feelings you have now! You have to be honest with him! because if you go ahead and marry him and he leaves to go to war not knowing how you really feel! it may haunt you for the whole time he's gone!
And God forbid he doesn't return, I don't think you will ever in your life get over it! Most likely him going still won't have a impact of him leaving, But at least he will know the honest truth of how you really feel!
And to tell you the truth, I really don't think you would be able to pull off the day to say your last goodbye! before he leaves without telling him how you feel now! at least do it to ease the stress your carring over the whole ordeal! You have to be able to be 100% you for your family once he's gone, don't let this drag you down! Get it out and get it over with!
2007-12-05 17:51:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not ever change his mind he wants to serve his country. You however need to express your feelings communicating your feelings is the most important aspect of
any relationship. You are right to feel that you will regret not talking to him because it is the truth. Why is he joining the Army does he not have the education to do something in hometown really he is a father of 6 like to run to war he must be mad or just wants ab serious break.
Really though talk to him tell him how you feel because in the off chance you don't you will live with that guilty conscience that you never discussed this if something tragic happened.
It is always best to be honest and truthful with the person you love and cherish this is a very important time in your life to lower the fences and just talk.
May God Bless You All and Merry Christmas.
2007-12-05 18:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, hon, don't add to his dilemma of being away from his family and wife. Don't you know that he is doing this for you and the children?? He needs a "trade" and this will jump start his career or profession. He doesn't want to work in a "fast-foods" place for the next 15 yrs. He has to be the major "breadwinner." He's not being selfish. Do you live near your parents or siblings? You do need emotional support, of course. Do you have a close girl friend that you can talk with? Please don't think that he may not come back, as there is a very good chance that he will. My son has been over there twice and he is just fine. He'll be returning in March. Give your husband as much support at possible and go to your best friend for your personal support for the time being.
2007-12-05 17:19:22 · answer #3 · answered by wildflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may not even be sent to Iraq, he isn't in the military yet...He has to go through training first...Now you need to tell him how you feel, never hide that...If he thinks just because he joins the military means he will go to a war zone, he may have a shock coming to him...The military can be a good job for him and he may find his perfect place among the ranks...
2007-12-05 17:20:13 · answer #4 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
urgh...i hate the war! i really do the whole system is messed up. pray for him and youve got alot of people praying as well that our soliders return home safely. what are your other options? maybe you should just try and think about this...have your parents help. im not so sure what you mean..get another man to help? no way girl. you dont want any added stress to him about that i wouldent think..you CAN do it on your own. have some girlfriends help or your parents. but even without both of those..you can do it. but if you do feel like you will feel guilty later--let him know. best of luck!
2007-12-05 17:24:13 · answer #5 · answered by Bird Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If telling your true feelings will not change his mind anyway, don't tell him. If things do not go well in Iraq, he might blame you because he would say that you bothered him with your feelings that's why he failed to concentrate on his job. Whatever your religion is, just pray to your God that he will be safe. Just be married before he leaves. In that case, whatever happens to him in Iraq, you will be the legal beneficiary.
2007-12-05 20:17:50 · answer #6 · answered by dol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he signed a contract with the military yet? If so, you can't stop it can you?
If not, mention your concern for his safety . He is honorable for being willing to serve in wartime - that is brave. Ask him to write letters to each of the children to give to them in case he doesn't come back - something you all would treasure. A good memory for them when they are grown. That should bring him to reality.
Joy to you!
2007-12-05 17:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen ma the best thing for you to do is be honest you need to let him know how you feel becuase GOD bless his soul he might not come back rather if its important to him or not family always comes first even before hiw own decisions so yes tell him how you feel you owe it to him he owes it to you tel him
2007-12-05 17:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell him how you feel, but with no expectation of him changing his plans. Not telling him - having him think it's ok with you when it clearly isn't - is not fair to anyone.
2007-12-05 17:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by Jules 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SUPORT HIM MY SELF DO NOT BELIEVE WE SHOULD BE THERE THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING SINCE THE GOOD BOOK
2007-12-05 17:33:23 · answer #10 · answered by DANNY C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋