My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for a short time but they insist they are in love and want to marry in a year or two. The problem is, my daughter is pregnant! This was not on purpose. She was on the pill. Anyway, her father and I think they should have a small, quiet wedding right away. They say no! What are the pros and cons to this. My daughter thinks that we want this just to save us some embarrasment. I said either marry the guy or get rid of him because why subject a child to a lifetime of being pulled between the two of them if they don't marry.
2007-12-05 16:29:39 · 22 answers · asked by followtheson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to mind your own business and allow her and HIM to make Their on decisions. they know what they want to do with THEIR LIFE. you and your husband need to tend to your own business and leave them alone. she right you are trying to save YOU and DAD some embarrassment. GodBless
2007-12-05 16:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well my question to you is why subject a child to a rushed and arranged marriage? It is not fair to your daughter, her boyfriend and their child. Just because they are in love doesn't mean they have to get married right away because of a child. They will marry when they are ready. Wouldn't you rather have your daughter wait until she is ready rather than to rush things and end up in divorce? I don't see what the big deal is, they can be in love and raise a child without the rings and a piece of paper. My husband and I were together for only a month when I got pregnant with our first child, we then had another child 2 yrs later, got married 6 months after he was born, and we just had our third in april. We got married when we felt the time was right.
2007-12-05 16:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but I was in your daughters shoes when I was 16 and I think that you are totally wrong. A good marriage should be based on a strong connection and they probably haven't had time to build that yet. Too many people get divorced. I am a strong believer that you should only marry once and be sure that's it's right and go into knowing that you will never give up on eachother. If they are grown up enough to realize that they don't have a great enough bond, then you should be proud and be even more confident in them and their ability to raise a child. Congrats on the new grandbaby! :P
2007-12-05 16:41:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mischelle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
agree with everyone else why are you trying to make them get married. This is not the 1930s. You want her to marry him or get rid of him. You are losing either way. If you make them marry and they are not ready it could end in a messy divorce and hurt the child later on. If she gets rid of him then the child will defiantly be pulled between two parents when he wants to visit the child. So why not let them wait after all it is there lives and there child. You are very cruel
2007-12-05 17:18:01 · answer #4 · answered by rene1695 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. I think your daughter and her boyfriend are afraid to commit but guess what - sharing a child in this life is going to be a pretty damned big commitment to begin with. I am thinking your daughter may not want to force the guy into marriage and he may be dragging his feet. This is more likely than the other way around. Tell them that they can have a secret ceremony at the justice of the peace and you will plan a nice wedding for them in one or two years time if they want but timing is important. It'd be nice if the child was born to a legal union - ask them to consider that.
2007-12-05 17:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should tell her that having a child requires a lot of commitment and that its not fair for the child if after a year or even a couple of years the father leaves. If she trusts the father so much that she has no doubt that that might ever happen, then respect her choice and let her follow through with her life. Just as long as you clearly remind her of how important it is for the child to have a stable family from the beginning of his/her life and the it is up to her to provide that for the baby. Also, if you let her know that you will always be there for her no matter what decision she makes, she will probably listen to you more.
2007-12-05 16:42:27 · answer #6 · answered by DD 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
One mistake has already happened...there's no sense in making 2. Don't push your daughter into getting married. It is far better for the child to have two parents that get along and are amicable than to have his parents go through a messy divorce because they rushed into a marriage that shouldn't have happened. Not to say that would happen, but there is a high possibility if they rush into it.
2007-12-06 01:54:38 · answer #7 · answered by aly_des 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two people should never be "forced" to marry. They will each be resentful in time wondering "what if." Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. If they love each other, they will marry eventually. (you hope) But the child will grow up being used to the system whether they are married or not. It will seem normal to them because they haven't known any different. Just make sure the father provides support and money for the medical bills and child. If he won't support the birth, don't put him on the birth certificate. There are many legal issues later that can crop up and if he won't pay, he doesn't need to play or be a part of the child's life. I was in love several times in my youth before I married. And even then I ended up divorced to my first wife. Forcing something can only lead to disaster.
2007-12-05 16:51:15 · answer #8 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Why put a child through a messy divorce when they realize after a couple of years of marriage it was a mistake?? Having two parents that love you and can still be friends than having two parents that hate each other after a miserable marriage and use a child as a pawn to get under each other's skin. I think thier showing thier responsibility by not rushing into a shotgun wedding and you should respect that.
2007-12-05 16:42:30 · answer #9 · answered by candice b 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is what I believe.
Marriage is just as easy to do as a divorce is. (So to speak)
If things don't work out between the two, It will only cause MORE problems besides having a child involved in this case. You dont want your daughter to be a divorced single mom. Let them go at their own pace... Someone said it earlier, Its not as Taboo as it use to be. Think about how cute it will be to see your grandbaby in the wedding as a ring bearer or little flower girl.
Support whatever she wants to do... Dont make it any harder on her than it has to be already.
I hope this helps.
2007-12-05 17:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by AnimalLuver 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't make your daughter marry someone after such a short period of time. Who knows, if she had never gotten pregnant, they might have broken up by now.
I would say wait. Being pregnant and not being married, isn't such a taboo anymore. Especially, if you have a supportive family behind you.
I say, support her decision to wait. Divorce is a horrible thing. Don't make her marry someone, just b/c she's pregnant. It might end up being a bad situation.
What's important in this situation is that the father is present. Even if, they aren't married. It's important she gets financial and emotional support in raising this child.
If they still want to get married, after all this chaos of a new baby settles, then they are truly meant to be together.
2007-12-05 16:33:57 · answer #11 · answered by J'adore 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋