My wife is a Filipina so would this also apply to her?

Question

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support...

Edit
Though I would love to take the credit for this masterpiece I cannot. I received it in an e-mail today and wanted to share.

Answer 1

My friend had the same problem.

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly in Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http:// I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Answer 2

As someone above posted, you could always install another back up G1rlfriend 2.0 program into your laptop. Just make sure your Wife 1.0 program doesn't detect it or it will initiate support programs like Screams 1.0, Hysterics 1.5, DishThrow 2.0 or worse, the dreaded LorennaBobbit 5.0 and your whole system could experience constant crashes, boot up failure and possible power plug malfunction. Also, if you are not careful and do not use protection programs like Trojan 1.0 or Trust 1.5, your back up G1rlfriend 2.0 program might become contaminated with a replication virus and produce an illegal pirated copy of your original Junior 2.0 program. This will automatically upgrade your G1lfriend 2.0 into a M1stress 2.0 program which require constant costly maintenance. I don't have to tell you what a big headache this can be both financially and emotionally, so install back up G1rlfriend 2.0 programs at your own risk : P

Answer 3

Reading through the whole thing, your attitude is actually quite refreshing. I as a Filipino, have discriminated foreigners coming here because they are looking for a wife or for sex and act as if they're kings or something. Like, I know my country is in economic shite, and as if to insult us more they "buy" a wife. But then I realized that it takes two to tango, a lot of poor women here will do anything to take their family out of poverty. Sigh.. Here's something that might hurt a bit though. I loled at the discrimination part about being smelly but...it is sometimes true.. hmm well most of the time. The Philippines is a tropical country man, and its very hot here, unlike where you were from. As a result, you perspire more here. Bacteria thrives in heat. What's more, your body is not accustomed to this kind of heat, so yeah, you should take extra steps for hygiene. For the facial hair is untidy part, I don't believe that there is such a stereotype, since you are a man. It is expected. You might consider trimming them though, if you're extremely hairy. No one wants to date someone who looks like Hagrid, would they? Since you are young and are looking to socialize, socialize with people your age, such as college kids who don't need your money. The last part is important. You can start from...lets see. What is your business here? Get in contact with young professionals who you can be business parters with. If you keep being in an environment that automatically puts you in the role you were discussing, it will keep putting you there unless you change your environment. How long have you been in the Philippines? And I agree with Japs, Philippine History..

Answer 4

Ha ha. For all you ladies out there shaking your heads and you guys laughing too, here is a letter my wife wrote to tech support I found in her email last week:

Subject: Service guide for husbands

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Desperate


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:\>I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "snoring loudly" wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Answer 5

Before installing either Boyfriend 5.0 or Husband 1.0, try to run Spyware 8.1 to eliminate the the irritating popup Jealous 1.2.. lol

Answer 6

Well Ron Artest pulled Paul Peirces shorts down while defending him.

Shaq was known as backboard tester cause he broke backboards.

Rasheed Wallace got a technical foul for looking at a ref.

Answer 7

Very interesting. Programming wife has advanced technologically from the obsolete robotic system. No push buttons needed, only a click will do.

Answer 8

my advice is to run 2 systems simultaneously.
Add Girlfriend 2.0 as a fail safe alternate when wife 1.0 is acting up

Answer 9

This piece of "funny" article has been going round on the internet for years..I have read this a few years back but then, you might be the original author.

Answer 10

Philipina women tend to be like the way your describing. They are also very loving, loyal, fun, make great mothers to your children, and make outstanding lovers. So before you decide to swap out your software, think about all the good things Philipina women are!