Again How can I help my son when he gets home from IRAQ when his father and I are in BITTER divorce?

Question

My son is finally coming home ( 2 months late) in a little over 8 days time!
The sad thing is he's in morning over a women I'll just call "BETH" (Civil Engineer) a civilian contractor who he started to see when he was in IRAQ, and later purpose to her.
She was killed 2 weeks ago.

This is in fact my step son who I raised almost from the hospital, I love and know he's mine regardless of what his father say. His father wants my son to stop contacting me but he refuses and telling him I'm his mother.
The thing is my son now in morning has to put up with this B.S. and it's really not fair to him because of his situation!
How can a mother help her son without upsetting him and make him take sides?
I know he in a lot of pain now , and he's coming home to more pain whats a mother going to do?
History:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AniD2jHP_RogMjYvoy4Y.r7sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070831172513AAwTgCm

He's coming home to me I have his room ready now this is still his home!

Answer 1

He's an adult and can choose who he wants to be close to spend time with. The many years you have put into nurturing him are the things which will bring him to you. Let him come and don't put your stuff with his dad on him. He might have to sort through some loyalty stuff but don't get involved with that.

The important thing is for him to know you are there. He'll come to you when he's ready.

Answer 2

Just be there for him when he gets there. Don't worry about what the father says. Your son will come to you if he beleives that you are his mother and his father will grow up some day. Your son is obviosly not a little boy so custody does not apply and if you were a good mother you will still be a good mother no matter what his dad says

Answer 3

In all honesty that's the place you the two get to be grown ups. he's coming domicile from something you will under no circumstances see inyour existence. He lost the girl he enjoyed alongside with the time he has spent there as a soldier. i'm 29 and an ex-militia spouse. Please, for his sake and that i comprehend what i'm talking approximately right here. attempt to maintain your adjustments aside. maximum adult males go there one guy or woman and are available domicile somebody else. I observed a lot of my acquaintances wade by using the exchange. those are issues which may well be worked out later. only welcome him domicile and thank god he made it back alive! I want you each and all of the final!

Answer 4

Yes, still HIS home. But make sure that you are there for him, regardless of the marital troubles, because he may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I hope God works everything out for all of you.

And, YES - YOU are the Mom! his father cannot take THAT away from you.
God bless you and your son and thank you for your sacrifice and your son for his.

Answer 5

You are a typicall mother, putting the thoughts and feelings of your children before that of your own.

In the end, soldiers have to deal with alot and learn to cope. No doubt that his transition back to normal life will be difficult, I suggest that you help him find a good councillor, someone to talk to who won't judge or think he is bragging or looking for sympathy. Someone who is impartial and able to provide advice to someone who is greving in multiple ways.

Answer 6

Concentrate on his issues and keep yours to yourself. You can't control his father, but your step son is a grown man, he can control his father.

Make sure you insist on assistance through VA if he seems to be having trouble coping. Go straight to your congressperson or senator if you don't get action. Good luck!

Answer 7

Just put your problems with your husband aside and focus on your son.He needs you. God Bless both of you.
L

Answer 8

I'll pray for you and your son