This is a tough one--holidays after losing a loved one?

Question

My aunt passed away this spring-she and i LOVED Christmas. I could go on and on about the memories. Her husband and sister ( my mom) have decided that since she isn't here, they aren't even going to acknowledge Christmas. My thoughts are--it;s even more the reason to celebrate-she loved it so much. We usually draw names, but this year I decided I'm going to get everyone something because that's what my aunt would have wanted. I also moved far away this year, so i won't even be around my family for the holidays. Any thoughts? Am I doing the right thing?
Thanks, guys!

Answer 1

Losing a loved one is a tragedy, but I would point out to your mum and uncle, that your aunt would be horrified if she knew they were going to cancel Christmas.
Go ahead with your plans. Everyone will be sad this year in your family, but maybe you will need to take charge, because I believe that when everyone does get together, they will have a good time, and can celebrate your aunties life, even if nothing else. You will be able to share all the good memories, and that will help in the healing.
I wish you, and those you love, a peaceful and blessed Christmas.

Answer 2

Not acknowledging Christmas would be a huge slap in the face to your aunt. I cannot understand why your uncle and your mom would even consider that idea. By all means buy everyone something and let them know just because your aunt passed away doesn't mean everything should come to an end. As hard as it is to be happy especially at holiday time, your aunt shared your love of Christmas and to ignore it would be like forgetting her. Send your gifts and be sure to call everyone Christmas day. Donate time or money to a charitable cause in your aunt's name too.

Answer 3

Be sure to wish everyone Merry Christmas. If you can't see your family, be sure to call them and if they want to talk, be a good listener (it sounds like u are). Getting a gift for everyone is a thoughtful idea and most adults are appreciative of a gift (no need to be over the top like plasma tvs, cars, etc.). It is understandable that ppl don't feel festive after a devastating personal loss. But maybe a quiet Christmas, reading the Christmas story in the Bible and possibly even a Christmas dinner with the whole family (being together is the main thing, not overeating) might help. Again, supporting each other is much more important than the manmade aspects of Christmas (decorations, food, festivities, etc.).

Answer 4

I agree with you're wanting to celebrate Christmas even more but everyone has their own grieving process and what you're able to cope with may not be the same as her husband and your mom.

I would respect their wishes, they may not be ready to celebrate. Since it was so important for you and your aunt maybe there's something you can do for yourself in honor of the value you both put on Christmas. This way you're still acknowledging the sentiment between you and she but allowing others to handle the best way they can.

I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging Christmas and sending cards, that's also you're right just try not to do too much yet.

I love Christmas too and hope my family would have an extra special celebration too.

I wish you and your family all the best and Merry Christmas!

Answer 5

Everyone deals with death differently. I was in a similar situation; my Mom & I were both Christmas freaks, and when she died, I went your route-I viewed it as a celebration of her love of the holiday. My brothers went the other way; Christmas hurt them because it was so wrapped up with my Mom in their minds. It took them a few years, but they're back in the swing of the holidays.

Perhaps it's a good thing that you won't be around them this year; they might upset you, even get angry, because thinking of your aunt pains them, and you will remind them. You might also get mad at them because they are not celebrating your aunts life, but trying to deny it. Both of these things happened in my family. But just as my brothers realized that life goes on, and I realized that everyone handles pain differently, your family will too.

Send them all presents with a note, "Miss you & Thinking of you" without a mention of your Aunt. Merry Christmas to you and yours, you're right, your Aunt would have wanted it that way.

Answer 6

Everyone responds to grief in their own way. Some withdraw from happy things because they make them sad to think their loved one isn't there to share it. Others enjoy those times more either because they feel that's what the loved one would want, or because of a desire to enjoy life to the fullest while they are still able to themselves.

If you find greater joy and peace in celebrating more fully this holiday your aunt loved so much, do it. It's a wonderful way to honor her. However, if it would add to their grief, I wouldn't acknowledge the holiday with your mother or uncle. It could only make things worse for them.


If there isn't anyone in your family who shares your feelings, try looking for organizations in your community who need help. Offer donations of time and/or money/gifts in memory of her.

I'm sorry for your loss, especially at this time you and she loved so much. God be with you all.

Answer 7

The first Christmas without my dad was awful. It's a tricky thing- you know life has to go on, but it seems wrong to celebrate.

Since you live far away anyway, perhaps you should respect your family's wishes, but make charitable contributions in your aunt's name as your gift to family members, and send them a card indicating that you have done so. I know I would have appreciated that gesture. Maybe get them each a small, modest gift if you feel truly compelled to do so. But remember, everyone grieves in their own way and you really should try to let them handle the holidays in the way that feels right to them.

Good luck and my condolences to your entire family.

Answer 8

I am a Funeral Director and I hear these stories all the time. It is very difficult and people deal with these emotions differently. Some repress their feelings and some like you want to celebrate the life of the person, not the death. My suggestion would be to remember her life and her love for christmas. Dealing with death head on is always best. Society has placed death and an unmentionable. Its silly really since everyone will loose someone in their life and will die themselves. Its best to come to terms with this and speek freely of it because it is so common. Hope this helps!

Answer 9

So sorry to hear that Ash..its really hard to cope up with things we usually do when a loved one pass away..... bear in mind that its God's will....good guys die young...your Aunt is happy right now with our Lord........and she would be much happier to see you with the rest of the family during the Holiday.

Answer 10

Yes, you are doing the right thing. Do what your aunt would have normally done, and do what she would have wanted you to do. Thats what would make her happy.*