This weekend my 16 yr old son stole $1000 from a wonderful man that I've been dating for 4 amazing months. The problem is my boyfriend told me he wants to continue to have a relationship with me because he loves me but, he never wants to see my son again and that I should send my son to live with his father. He also states that because of this he should not have any of his things (clothes, shoes, personals) and to let him start over w/ nothing. I've made a plan to repay the money. However, my son is a minor and as bad as this was he should be forgiven if he corrects his behavior. I love my child unconditionally and want to move past this with my son and my lover but right now this doesn't look promising. Should I repay the money and move on now or stay and try to convince my lover to forgive my son? Or since this is still new give it more time and decide later?
2007-12-05 14:50:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You shouldnt be repaying what your son stole thats the first mistake your making... your son is sixteen which is old enough to get a part time job, and for a punishment for what he did he should be out looking for a job, and paying him back himself(Taking responsibility for his actions)... I believe making him pay your boyfriend back himself will help make sure he dont make the same mistake again because he will realize your not just going to bail him out... if he did that to someone else, and got caught hed be in juvy right now serving a couple months, or on probation, and have community service plus probably having to pay it back himself anyway. I think you should sit down with your boyfriend, and speak to him about the situation, and what punishments besides kicking him out can be suitable, also about maybe setting certain rules which you would have to have the three of you sit down, and discuss after you come to a compromise on it all. The relationship is still new, and if you dont take control of the situation now by setting boundaries, and showing your son that he made the mistake, and has to pay for it himself then he will just keep on walking all over the guy, and thats what this guy is trying to avoid. Honestly though if this man wants to be with you Im sure if your son shows him he is taking responsibility for his own actions, and truly sorry he isnt going to just up, and leave, but he has to be willing to compromise, and give the kid the chance to take responsibilty for his actions then maybe if something simular happens again its time to kick him out to show the kid its not something you will tolerate either.
2007-12-05 16:47:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The MAn has to be Crazy !!! To ask a Mother to do that with her child Just because the child has a problem !! No Way, You Help your child with his problem , You don't Kick him Out !! If this Man was a real Man and cared about you then he would alos care about your son !!! He would be willing to help you to get help for your son,Not get mad and try to get revinge on your son, like he is trying to do here !! This man needs to grow up and He most likely isn't a father to anyone and if he is then he needs to Learn how to be a real Father !!! Would his rreal dad kick him out for stealing from him or would he punish his son for what he done?!!! And make the son get a job a pay back all the money he stole!! I think a real dad would do just that! This guy just wants your son out of the picture , he's not trying to work things out with you and your son!!! Like a family would ! I'd tell him this, If your with me I am a package deal, that means if you want to be with me then you have to want to be with my son also, we come together or Not at ALL !!! Take care of yur son, he comes first ! And tell that Man , My son comes First and if anyone has to go it will be you !! Good Luck to ya!!!
2007-12-05 15:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by monkeymomma46 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is bad news girl. Get rid of him. I would use tough love on your son. He needs to understand that there are consequences for his actions. File a police report and let him pay them. In two short years he will be an adult and if he does this then he will do time. Your son is the one that needs to be responsible for repaying the money he stole.
2007-12-05 16:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You love your son unconditionally.That is one thing.To NOT make your son take accountability and responsibility for his actions is NOT love but hatred for you are destroying your son by TEACHING him you will cover any wrong he does and that he will NEVER have to be accountable for ANY of the EVIL things he does.
You need to take a belt and wear it out on his butt, however him being 16 it probably wont hurt.Send him to his dad.His DAD CAN deal with him better than you can.He NEEDS a man to be in authority over him and MAKE him behave, and be accountable and responsible for his behavior.You have failed.Your b/f is right and if I could tell him one thing it would be for him to run as fast as he can away from you,because you will allow your son to abuse him in every way while making excuses for your son's rotten behavior.
Also if you are shacking, you have lost your son's respect hon,he sees women as something to be used for sex and nothing more.After 4 months and your son stealing 1000$ from me,I would have had him arrested or taken it out on his behind,THEN had him arrested, your lucky your b/f hasnt done either.You send him to his dad's or make him pay the money back by you and your b/f having him arrested for stealing and letting him sit in jail until after court.He NEEDS to learn a lesson here.And saving him from learning a lesson is not love it is hatred, because if you die then there will be NO one to "save" him from himself, which you cannot do anyway.
2007-12-05 15:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start with this thought. A man you have known for 4 months is asking you to stop a relationship you have had for 17 years.
But your son needs to be punished. Frankly, I would turn him in to police. He is a minor and his record won't follow him once he turns 18. However if you don't punish him severely, his behavior will continue to get worse. It's not about how much you love him, because if you really love him- you will want him to grow up to be a productive, self-sufficient adult with morals and values. Also, make him get a job to repay the money himself. Whether he repays it to you, or to your soon to be ex-boyfriend doesn't matter. But he needs to repay it himself.
2007-12-05 15:01:20 · answer #5 · answered by Meghan 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You should stand your ground and continue to be supportive to your son. He's pushing the limits and he needs to know that A. you will hold him accountable for his actions, and B. you love him unconditionally. You son should pay the money back. If your boyfriend needs it all back right away, you could pay him and then have your son pay it back to you in installments. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have kids of his own, otherwise he would understand that you can't just ditch a kid who is going through a rough spot. If he forces you to choose, it's no choice at all. Show the bum (your b.f.) the door.
2007-12-05 15:02:57 · answer #6 · answered by Rainbow Connection 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Make it clear that you will not accept either behavior. let your man know your son is staying put but you will make it clear that he will have to repay the money. They will need to work out the trust on their own time. You also need to think about what he said. your son shoudl be stripped of what he has with the exception of his "survival needs" such as his clothes. he will need to earn those things back. you already know who your responsibilities lie with. Your son is yours no matter what happens with this man.
2007-12-05 14:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first rule of a relationship:
FAMILY over FRIENDS, even lovers!
Your son maybe a minor and he deserves severe punishment (you can't JUST steal $1000 and not expect to get away with it!!!!), but when you're lover decides to break up with you for another reason, you'd go to family and you're first guess would go to your son. but he would have already lost his trust for you since you sent him away. i'm sorry, i really don't understand why you would even doubt the situation. think of it this way: let's say both your son and your boyfriend are about to die, but you can only save ONE of them. (this might sound a bit rude and i apologize) you would save your son first and let your boyfriend die because there would be others. think of it that way. talk to your boyfriend and tell him: 'if we're ever gonna continue our relationship together, either you accept my son or you just leave.' or you could disscuss boundaries. either way, you KEEP KEEP KEEP your son. no doubt about that!
2007-12-05 15:06:25 · answer #8 · answered by Luvin Usagi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A relationship in which a man wants you to choose between you and your son will not work. It sounds like you have your head on straight - you love your child unconditionally and have worked out a payment plan. This man does not sound good - he wants you to send your son away to start over with nothing?!?!?! Put your child first - it sounds like he needs a loving mom like you. hang in there.
2007-12-05 14:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by momof2 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm going to give you a simple and logical answer. Dump your man and pay the money back. Don't waste your life with someone who give you an ultimatum like that.
2007-12-05 15:26:33 · answer #10 · answered by Beefy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋