Work stress?

Question

Well, Im just curious here on opinions of my situation. At work a while back, talk of sexual relationships came up (I work with all men, me being a male as well) and one of the guys took a guess and asked if I were a virgin. I was not going to lie so I said yes. Heres my question, ever since then three of the guys have been bugging me about it almost every other day, asking if I have had sex yet and poking fun at my situation. I am 19 and have not really had any dates, and usually I can take a good laugh, but its starting to get on my nerves and stressing me out at work. What should I do? Is this a type of harassment at work? (seeing as it should be a private thing, I only have been working here for 5 months so its not like im best freinds with these guys, the youngest co worker is 28)

Thanks for all those good answers, just reading them make me feel better and more relaxed, I am working with tradesmen so I kind of expect that from a few because of the lifestyles here, I have worked for another large company in my town so I am not afraid of not getting a reference/ and boy do I wish I would have not said anything.!

again as for ellen, I am a man, a 19 yo guy, and ima first year millwright apprentice in heavy industry and 2nd year machinist

Answer 1

Hey,
So I'm not an expert or anything but yes this is harassment. They shouldn't be bugging you like this at work - very inappropriate.

If you feel comfortable enough to say something, do so. Tell them they need to cut it out (be serious) and say, "you know guys, this is getting way out of hand...can we just drop this whole virgin thing?" If they don't stop, and they continue to bug you about it, go to your manager and explain the situation.

They might only be bugging you about it because they know it gets to you. If this is the case, stick up for yourself and say to them that no matter what they think it is your choice and they shouldn't be so intrigued about your "sex life". Act like its not a big deal - it shouldn't be.

Sorry you're stressed. Stuff like that is a pain and it happens a lot. Don't worry about it too much and keep it cool.
Good luck. =D

BTW, if your manager won't take you seriously, go to someone higher - like human resources or to a union if your workplace has that sort of thing.

Answer 2

That is definitely harassment and against the law. Have you passed your probationary period with your current company yet? Some require you be there six months. Don't do anything until you passed your probationary period or they could let you go without a reason. Afterward you have several options. First, you could try to confront you tormentors and ask them to stop teasing you. Tell them it bothers you and that you don't think it's cool or right and that they need to stop doing what they are doing (pressuring you to devulge sexual information about yourself). If that does not solve the problem then tell your immediate supervisor. They will put an end to it on paper but you may get the cold shoulder for having ratted on them. Don't ever disclose anything personal on the job again. Keep it separate from your personal life. You are there to make money not to gain friends. If that doesn't solve the issue then go to human resources and make a formal complaint listing the steps taken to this point. They will put an end to it else risk a lawsuit. But remember, you might come out as the black sheep with hardly anyone talking to you. Be prepared to get a good reference (written letter in hand that they provide) to take to interviews with different companies and to have a good reason for leaving, e.g., to advance my skills, pay, etc. Good luck. It is no fun but it is not the end of the road. There will always be uncomfortable situations for people in the workplace. Once this is over, chalk it up to experience and help someone else out down the road ten years from now when you are a bit more seasoned and they are scared novices trying to find their way.

Answer 3

Next time they ask you if you've had sex yet say: "Does you mom count?". Joke back. It's really not a big deal that you haven't. Really. They are fools if they think it really is funny.

However, sounds to me like they like you and see you as a good guy and a good sport. I admire you already for your honesty. I would've been a wimp and lied. In fact, I'm willing to bet money they admire you too for the same reason.

They just don't realize what it's like from your side. Maybe even ask em if animals count? Followed by some sort of assurance that you were kidding of course (Like a nervous laugh and a look of regret on your face). ;)

By the way, yes it is a very serious form of harassment that can get them in a lot of trouble. Best thing to do I think if it doesn't stop soon, is to maybe just calmly and nicely just let them know it's getting old and then quickly change the subject, rather than showing them it's bothering you or getting mad.

If you can avoid taking this to management it's best for all. After all, do you want to be labelled as a stool pigeon? That could be much much worse.

Answer 4

Poking fun at you over this is definately considered a form of sexual harassment. But you screwed up when you answered their question. You really should have just walked away without saying anything. Some people (like your coworkers apparently) can't just let things go. You can tell them to lay off, and that your romantic life is your own business, and that if they continue to bug you that you will seek action against them. Hopefully just telling them to lay off will be enough. But if it's not you can file a grievance- this is sexual harassment.

Answer 5

Not all men are "pigs", but sounds like you work with a few..I am sure that male answerers believe that it would be great "getting" a virgin...It would be because they are feeling OLD and have an issue w/the wife/girl friend/life's challenges,etc.

This is so harassment where going to HR would be appropriate-YET you, w/out knowing OR knowing, set yourself up.

Seems to me you are doing the "oh poor me" thing, and looking for a community type excuse to behave inappropriately for what you profess to be unacceptable.........I very well could be wrong-I am sorry if I am-but I think not.

I really do not buy into your innocence. If you choose to be unattainable, a clear msg. needs to be emitting from you that you are a woman who is not interested and you have goals needed to be met.

Answer 6

Don't let it stress you they're just trying to push your buttons and you can't let it get to you to make it better joke and laugh with them about it and i bet they will leave you alone then and when it is your time you'll have sex don't rush it wait until you meet the right person and have protected sex with any and everyone you do it with other wise if you still don't feel secure you and your partner can get tested because there are a lot of disease's out here and believe me you don't want any thing you can't get rid of it so just wait you will meet a nice woman

Answer 7

I kind of feel sorry for you just tell them to stop and or when they ask you that change the subject fast and talk about something that take them off of the topic for a long time.

Answer 8

Yes, it's a form of harrassment. Your co-workers obviously don't have enough to do. You should state very clearly to them that their remarks are making you uncomfortable and ask them to stop. If they continue with their dumb preoccupation with your sex life, ask your supervisor to talk to them.

Answer 9

Lighten up pal,this is all part of work experience. If it really gets too personal,speak to a super-visor,or a person you trust.

Answer 10

You should address this issue with your supervisor. Work is work, you have the right to keep private life private.