Sometimes I sit on a green top
Contemplating you'r existance in my life
Seems like I'm battling a lost cause
Constantly gazing into the galaxy
Full of fear, and the realization that nothing's real
Worthless doesn't even begin to describe me without you
Resorting to various escapes of reality
Always wondering if I'm good enough
To be just a star, in you'r universe.
2007-12-05 14:24:32 · 5 answers · asked by hornsfan1134 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Your Poem Isn't Sing Songy , It Doesn't Rhyme Or Have A Structural Format. The Words Are Highly Depictive Of Your Expression. Poem Sounds Like It Should/Would Be A 6
2007-12-05 14:43:22 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I really like the last line about being a star in YOUR (not you'r) universe. As for the rest, you ned to get the rhythm of the lines in place. For instance, the 1st line has 8 syllables, but the 6th has 15! Unbalanced. Also are you trying to rhyme or not. As free verse if you even out the lines or find some other words to state what your saying you'll be o.k. It helps to read some poetry.
2007-12-05 22:55:16 · answer #2 · answered by rockchick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good, to admire one as we admire ourselves, looking for approval and finding heartache but in the end I am a star.
2007-12-05 22:35:02 · answer #3 · answered by duster360 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Should I push you? Or you could decide for yourself on your own?
Anyway... 1-10, I say 13! :o)
2007-12-05 22:33:15 · answer #4 · answered by wacky_racer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good.
2007-12-05 22:40:23 · answer #5 · answered by Djinn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋