and he's decided that he wants to take vacations with her and take time away from our girls. I've been keeping my children which I absolutely love the time I get with them, we have a blast but what's so sad is after about two days, my girls ask for their dad. I told him tonight that it wasn't fair he keeps taking time away from them and making this woman a priority. Trust me I don't want them back but I feel so bad for my kids. I told him enough is enough why doesn't he start thinking about his kids.
2007-12-05 13:58:51 · 12 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No matter how you slice it, in your ex-husband's eyes on this one, you will end up looking like a jealous ex-wife. But, who cares what he thinks, you divorced him for a reason! Just tell him how he is hurting the girls because he is putting his g/f first. Indicate that if this woman is going to be a serious part of his life he should make more of an effort to include his children rather than hide them away. Good luck!
2007-12-05 14:03:26 · answer #1 · answered by ♀Redheaded Sunshine☼ 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all, do not drag your kids into this and say things like that to them. That is way out of line.
Second, I'm married for 14 1/2 years and have 10 children. I not only take time away alone with my husband and have family and friends take care of our children, but normally once a year I go away for a week without my husband and children. It's perfectly acceptable to take time away with the woman/man you love, or with friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
You make it sound like he is on vacation all the time leaving the children. You don't give much information. Does he have custody and do you have them for regular visitation?
I believe he is thinking about his children and I think you are out of line and very confused. But again, you don't give enough information.
2007-12-05 15:44:00 · answer #2 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a difficult situation. I'm sure thare might be times that he would worry about the fact that he wants to spend TOO MUCH time with the kids and that you would get angry with him. Now that he knows that this is not the case, maybe he'll make more of an effort.
When he does pick them up, do you ever complain to him about the fact that he doesn't do things right with the kids or do you just leave the situation alone? Hopefully you are the type to just leave it alone and let him parent the way he sees fit when he has them. Because if you make it hard on him when he doesn't do things the same way that you might and you complain about it, then he probably wouldn't want to come around much at all.
2007-12-05 14:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is sooo difficult. What happens when you are in a new relationship? You'll need time away from your children then too. Because he is your ex-husband, you have no control over who he sees. Try and think of it as a positive thing in the long run. I am in a step-mother position and value my time with my step-daughter. I would not have gotten to know her or be such a positive influence on her (or her father!) if I was not granted that privilege from her mother. He is the father of your children and deserves to be happy for your children's sake. They will always ask for their dad but they will learn that daddy is not a part of their lives 24 hours a day, 7 days a week anymore. That does not mean he doesn't love or care for them less. It just means he has been dealt an unavoidable situation of life (as have you) and you both need to get on and deal with it. And don't forget, he is probably being responsible wanting to screen his new girlfriend to be an OK fit to strike up a relationship with your children. Learn to communicate in a positive manner with your ex-husband, tell him diplomatically whenever the children are missing him and as a man, he should take ownership and responsibility to do the right thing. You children will grow seeing their mummy and daddy happy that they are loved and cared for, no matter who comes in and out of their lives.
2007-12-05 14:10:42 · answer #4 · answered by cometthegrommit 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Good point Trailsen "you can't stop living because of kids. but many do". This man has the right to be happy! Sometimes you can't just work your life around your kids. Is he a good father otherwise? Exactly how much "time" are we talking about here? You sound a little jealous.
2007-12-05 14:28:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are right - any girl he dates needs to know how to deal with the children anyway.
Perhaps, you might think about asking for his vacation schedule for the next year and keep a calendar of it with both of your vacations so the children and you will now far in advance what to expect and they don't get so disappointed. Ask him to try to stick with the schedule so they don't get their feelings hurt.
Joy to you!
2007-12-05 14:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's high time when you must explain to your children that you two are no longer husband and wife .Tell them their Dad has been living with another lady>I know it's difficult to tell your children all these.But, you are the one who has to tell them this.
Have courage and patience to explain the matter to the young ones.
God Bless
2007-12-05 19:14:28 · answer #7 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know that he has plenty of free time with his girlfriend when you have the kids but when it his turn that you expect him to be there for them and that it isn't fair to them to be pushed aside so he can have time alone with the girlfriend. After all your kids should come before anyone.
2007-12-05 14:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Thats sounds like my x wife & her boyfriend 20+ years ago, and the kids lived with me and we moved across the country, they are fine, and your girls will be OK too, just don't overact to his being a putz!!
2007-12-05 15:04:54 · answer #9 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thinking about my kids when I go on trips (mostly business) they understand and are happy for me. They are really happy when I bring something back for them. I think you are hurting more than the kids.
2007-12-05 14:10:21 · answer #10 · answered by David D 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋