2007-12-05 13:46:15 · 9 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my experience, you can't really. Counseling with help, but be certain to make sure they know that none of it their fault! that you love them and will always be there for them
2007-12-05 13:52:05 · answer #1 · answered by Who Knew? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are going through this. It's very sad and stressful, especially when you have children and you see they are suffering.
I'd ask you to consider three things....(I'm divorced and have a child)....
One: You are getting divorced because you think it is the best option you have. So don't feel guilty if you are divorcing an abusive or irresponsible man. You are doing this for your own sanity, as well as your children's well-being.
Two: Focus on yourself. This is not a selfish thing to do.
You cannot give what you do not have, and if you don't have inner peace or health, you are useful neither to yourself- nor to your kids! Take care of yourself so you can be able to function and be there for the children. (This means you have to watch your diet, take some "me" time every once in a while, sleep enough, and give them quality time.)
..................................
If you can go to therapy or counseling, do it!
You need to be able to deal with your issues and feelings, and the sooner you do this, the better. The stronger you feel, the better it will be for your kids. (Kids suffer a lot when they see a sad, depressed or bitter mother because they feel guilty; and they feel powerless, too.)
Three: Visit your doctor if you have trouble sleeping, or eating, or if you feel you are getting depressed. Depression is a TERRIBLE thing and it only gets worse as time goes by; so get help ASAP and take antidepressants if necessary!
Also, If your school has a child psychologist, put your children there for help, too. (Kids are smarter than we think, and they understand stuff if you explain it to them.)
Divorce will always affect kids; but you can try to lessen the negative impact if you work with a therapist- and try to follow tips they give you.
Good luck... Pray for guidance, and get all the help and support you need from friends and family.
2007-12-05 22:08:08 · answer #2 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well kids are always hurt when their parents divorce, but if there is a lot of problems between you and your wife/husband fights and etc then they kids are better not being around that. They will adjust after awhile. Make sure to let them know that it had nothing to do with them that mom and dad just are better as friends and that the both of you will always be there for them like in the past. Make sure that you ask them if they have any questions and also make you to let them know that your there anytime they need to take about it.
2007-12-05 21:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was sure tough on my kids, they thought they had done something wrong, their mom was always gone, never came home much, don't say hard,truthful,mean things about your X, and the kids will adjust better, Make it a team effort, fo everone has parts to do!! Love, kindness & understanding, oh yea and don't forget disipline if its needed. They play that trump card alot!! good luck
2007-12-05 23:10:39 · answer #4 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a couples and family therapist, honest communication is key. They need to be told what's going on in order to prevent them from blaming themselves. Also, parents need to recognize that it's a loss that needs to be mourned. Depending on the age of the child, it can be a huge adjustment.
Seeing a therapist can help with the temporary adjustment.
For more free relationship advice from couples and family therapist, visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com.
2007-12-05 22:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never say bad things about your ex in front of the kids. Never fight in front of the kids and never try and manipulate the kids to love you more.
Be friendly and cooperative with the ex when it comes to the kids.
The most damaging thing for kids is to feel like they have to choose a side.
2007-12-05 21:59:33 · answer #6 · answered by eric_the_red_101 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Get them counseling. Also allow them to express their feelings. Sometimes they are going to be sad or angry, and that is ok.
2007-12-05 21:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them know that nothing was their fault and reassure them of your love.
2007-12-05 21:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by seba2u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my parents d when was little and to see when can and talk friends every day. tell them that you talk what feeling
2007-12-05 21:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋