Is it ever okay to have your physical needs met outside of your marriage? What about extreme circunstances?

Question

For instance one spouse is unable to perform and the other spouse has been very frustrated for years and there is no chance of anyone being caught or hourt? Is this EVER okay?

Addendum: For those who may think that I am the "horr" (nice spelling), I am not the spouse thinking about seeking outside "affection." But thanks for all of the answers!

Answer 1

I think it would only be ok if your spouse knows and approves. Sex is a real physical need. Hiding it and not telling your spouse, would be what would make it wrong

Answer 2

If the one that is unable to perform is having that much trouble then he should figure out what it is that is causing the issue... most of the time if a guy cant perform its because he has deep insecurities, or is under way too much stress... the other person should seek out new ways to pleasure themself until the problem is solved, or maybe even get the guy to try various different positions if it isnt something thats just in there head... sometimes certain positions help keep it up I guess you could say. Or if the problem isnt about him getting/keeping it up, and more about not being able to last long enough then a lot of foreplay before/during can really help with that, but really as for as it ever being ok to have your needs met outside of your relationship I dont believe there is ever any circumstance that its ok to do that... I know I would prefer to work past the issue then to go elsewhere, and if its something that you cant work past, and it bothers you that much then its time for a divorce... cheating is never the right thing to do. I know it sounds wrong getting a divorce for the lack of sex, but its better then going behind the persons back, and doing them wrong like that.

Answer 3

Ok! Well thinking that your never gonna get caught is main reason why they have the television show "Cheaters" it makes great tv seeing how people (some mostly married) get caught in the act thinking the same thing.

But seriously, have you tried talking to him/her about it first instead of "jumping the gun". Thats one thing marriages lack today communication and listening skills. Usually if you confront the person with a problem you have you can find to the source of the problem. Most likely there might be a reason that your spouse (i'm assuming) is having a problem with preforming sexually. There might be something physically, mentally, or emotionally wrong. Second how extreme is the circumstance, because the only extreme thing i'm seeing is you thinking about meeting your "needs" outside your marriage.

Really if there is some physical need that you are needing from them, tell them! If you have a kinky fetish you want to explore, tell them! If you want to stroke you a certain way, tell them! If you want them to hold you a certain way, tell them! Dont just sit there and assume that since your not getting it like Burger King, which is "Having it your way!", that you need to go elsewhere for it. You gotta let them know first what your extreme need is! Then just maybe your spouse will give it to ya!

If that dont work consider sex counseling. You need to explore each others needs and wants but you also gotta be considerate of the other person. They might not like it the way you like it, try it their way and see if it satifies both of you.

Marriage is work, and one way to get the work done is to do the job and understand it. You made a vow to be with this person through whatever, don't throw in the towel when you get one knockout because there are gonna be many more to come and you gotta learn to move through them, thats what marriage is!

So please consider this before taking that next step, because what you might find will put you in alot of danger, hurt, pain, and suffering for years to come. Because "One night of pleasure can give you a whole lotta pain". Think about what this can not only do to your spouse but yourself, and your family. Okay!

Answer 4

I'm not sure a man should stray during a sexless marriage. Sex doesn't exist in a marriage anyway, does it? There's other things a man can do besides straying such as - Bangbabes - Channel 905 - Bangbabes 2 - Channel 906 - Bangbabes 3 - Channel 907 - Busty Mommas - Channel 908 ...I could go on but Eurosluts is about to start on Channel 909.

Answer 5

You haven't really said much about what your husband might think! If he can't perform and he knows that you like sex I'm sure you'll ask him if its O.K. to go out and seek a lover. Tell him that you need sex to feel like a women again, if he's a kind and caring man he'll probably be O.K. with this, but if he says NO then you have to bite the bullet, either stay in your marriage or get a divorce.
You didn't say why he couldn't perform, but I suppose 'things' in life do happen that are out of our control.
Cheating isn't the way to go, imagine if the 'boot was on the other foot', would you like your husband to go out and start 'banging' other women? I think not!

Answer 6

If your spouse is unable to perform and never will be able to, maybe you could work out an agreement with him or something. However, without his permission, no it is not OK. You can get a divorce, though.

I do feel for you. I would certainly be tempted. To be honest, I don't think I could stay in a marriage like that. If he was disabled or something, I'd still care for him and do whatever he needed me to do but I don't think I could legally stay his wife. Your question was "Is this OK?" not "Would you do it?" and to answer if I'd do it, I don't know but I'd be tempted. After a few years anybody would be. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Answer 7

Unfortunately if you are married you made a commitment to be with this person and no one else. How would it make you feel if you discovered your better half was doing the same thing? Really put yourself in the other persons shoes and work the situation all the way thru. If after your do that and you feel no feelings at all for you siginificant other and do not care that this act would destroy the trust bond between you I say your free and clear to ruin yours and his life...as that is exacty what you are doing. I am not going to candy coat it and say it is ok and you need or deserve it...as you don't. You choose marriage and if you really need to get some action somewhere else let your partner know it and allow them to do the same. Then file for divorce...

Answer 8

Nope, never. Marriage is not based on sex, although sex is important. I have heard of some couples where one partner became paralysed and told the other one it was ok to have sex with another person, but that is not common. Is that what you meant by "extreme"? The couple needs to communicate well with each other. And remember the wedding vows...if a spouse has sex with someone else and no one "gets caught or hurt", is that showing love? Only you can decide for your own situation.

Answer 9

Yes, I think it can be ok in certain circumstances. It's not our place to judge. We are not living the lives you and your spouse are. You run the risk of this partner falling for someone else though. Even if it just starts out as having physical needs met, there is a possibility of it turning to something more.

Answer 10

The only person you are accountable to is God, then your spouse. We are human and we crave emotional, physical and sexual contact. You made vows but now you are hurting and if your spouse cares its got to be afffecting them too. Follow your heart and if you choose to allow some comfort in your life, just be discreet and let the other party know the circumstances beforehand. Sexual frustration is a terrible thing.