my wife can't seam to bond with my 2 kids she has 1 and I have 2 from previous relationships they live with us full time boy 7, girl 6 my wife feel guilty for her feelings but has no ideal what or how to change it any help, ideals?
2007-12-05 13:22:46 · 11 answers · asked by maxhighlife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its not hard to bond with a 6 and 7 yr old if you want to. She is making a choice to not bond with them.
2007-12-05 13:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by YUMMY1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off emotions don't work when you force them. Make sure that she knows YOU don't think she should feel guilty for her feelings. Let her know that you will love her (and let them know you will love them) no matter what else is going on in the house.
Second, what causes bonding is pleasant times together. Make sure you schedule time for you and her alone (so she doesn't have reason to resent them) and time for her with the kids or the whole family to bond. (some cheap ideas: family picnic, public pool in the summer, sledding in the winter, high school events that interest them such as plays, games, meets, hiking or biking trips, and playing in public parks. If you believe in such things shooting, hunting and fishing also work.) Also the family working together will help like a tradition of dinner together and everyone helping with dishes before homework time, or yard work as a family on the weekends. That way you are all working together towards a goal. The talk should all be pleasant and the work should not be too hard, but it should enable you to do something with your eyes so that you don't have to look at each other when you feel a little shy.
2007-12-05 13:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by Truth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she should consider going to counseling or therapy, so a trained professional can give her tips on how to deal with her issues and how to try to start building a relationship with them.
Being a stepparent is never easy; and sometimes you have to ask for help because you cannot figure things out on your own.
The fact she feels guilty about this will make things even more stressful for you all, so the sooner she gets help, the better. Good luck.
2007-12-05 13:41:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very difficult to blend families. the Brady Bunch was a joke. It is just not natural for a man to raise another man's child, nor for a woman to raise another woman's child. It about never happens in nature..... no mare, no ewe, no antelope, and few if any other critters will nurse another female's baby, so you are expecting miracles here, hon. What you need is to get into family counseling, where each of you will be helped to realize how difficult your roles are, and how you can go about beginning to change both your attitude, and hers....as well as strenthen your bond, and your marriage. What she feels is normal.....evolution made it that way. In nature, she has no reason to be nurturing to children who do not carry her genes. As smart critters, however, that, with help, can change.... but only with help.
Good luck, hon.
2007-12-05 13:41:01 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's just going to take some time for everyone to build trust. Perhaps the two of you should switch kids once a week. Take a couple of hours to spend time with each other's children and get to know them. That will show them that you're all working together as a unit. Good luck.
2007-12-05 13:28:33 · answer #5 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter merits a father who'll be there for her...and at age 2 I doubt that she needless to say is conscious why the guy her mom lives with (and whose very own daughter calls him "Daddy") would not opt to spend time along with her. you need to stand up for what she desires, right here...and which ability making beneficial your boyfriend is conscious that she comes alongside with you as component to the "finished equipment," in case you're to proceed to stay mutually. Make it sparkling to him that "interacting" with you ability agreeing to work together along with her. That replace into my logical handle this. Emotionally, i've got faith that there is a intense challenge right here. Why are you finding out directly to stay with a guy who ignores your daughter? the two he has no purpose of this being a intense courting (and that's unusual when you consider which you're residing mutually) or he has a warped self-based character. In my humble opinion.
2016-10-19 08:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by dotel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was never total harmony @ the Brady Buch hose, as it just dosen't happen that way!! But if you make it, they will grow up, and you guys will get old, and life goes on!! good luck
2007-12-05 15:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more she tries to force it the worse it will be. First let them respect her and then the rest will slowly come. It helps if she tries to treat them like she treats her own no special treatment.
2007-12-05 13:37:02 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im going thru the same thing with my husbands son--we've been married 4 years, together 6, and i cant seem to bond with his son--its really a frustrating thing
2007-12-05 13:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
it takes times
2007-12-05 13:25:43 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋