why do i want people to understand how i feel after i have been abused mentally and sexually?

Question

the case fell before it went to court. still, i do not feel like to give up. friends are asking me what I expect. True that i do not know what I want exactly, justice I guess. He chipped my self esteem and affected my life so much.

I am not sure what exactly I want. It hurts everytime when people ask me why I did not leave earlier or could not understand my reaction to what he did. I wanted them to understand even that might did not help to anything.

my friends are supportive, but they do think that i should forget about the whole thing now.

i do go to counselling. I am helping myself.

Answer 1

You want people to understand so that you don't feel so isolated. Especially if no one else in your circle of friends knows where you're coming from, it's easy to feel as if you're alone.

It's not very likely that anyone who hasn't lived through it will ever understand...Your friends will try...they'll want to be there for you, but they're just not capable of knowing how it truly made you feel.

I highly recommend that you find a local sexual abuse counseling office, or at least an online chat room where you can be in contact with others who truly know where you've been. Not only will it help you to feel less alone, it will help you to be able to leave it in the past, where it really does belong (if you let it continue haunting you, then really, he's still abusing you).

Best of luck in leaving the jerk behind, and moving forward with an exciting, wonderful new life!

Answer 2

It is all about getting the right balance.
You need to talk about it because you feel an injustice has been done and it is not fair, so you want to air your grievance . This is natural and something you should do, it doesn't do any good to bottle things up.

On the other hand if you talk about it all the time then that is not good, as you are focusing all the time on the fact that you are a victim.
Yes you are a victim of an assault on your person and it would be good if you could get legal action against the abuser. But life is never perfect so you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim and switch the emphasis onto the abuser.

They are the one that has committed the crime so you shouldn't be the one who has all the negative feelings.

Every time you feel negative or down remember that is a result of their actions so you need to turn things around and say things like, "I'm not going to be hurtful like them," and then go out and do a kindness to someone to show that you are in control and the will not let them influence or ruin your life.

If you are worried about going out or making new friends because of what happened then you need to make an effort to go out and make new friends, that way you are sticking up the abuser rather than them continue to hurt you by affecting your life.

The more you refuse to let the abusers actions affect your life the happier you will be and the more confident and self assured you will be.

Be positive and enjoy life.

Answer 3

I know its easier said than done, but you just gotta make up your mind and do it. EDIT: Some people are naturally resilient; others choose to be. Getting a good support system will also make it a lot easier. Give yourself time to recover from all of your grief. Allow yourself to stay a little shy for a while, but it seems you can open on the web without too much difficulty, so why not look for an on-line support group? You especially want to look for people who have suffered abuse and have overcame. Avoid surrounding yourself with people who are struggling too much also. You also need to try and make some friends you can see in person. Avoid all people that are negative/ unsupportive to the best of your ability. In addition, you need to seek out people who have committed themselves to being kind and helpful. I hope this doesn't sound patronizing, but many churches are filled with people who have strong values. Even if you don't believe in God, a powerful sermon can be very motivating, and church is a great place to make lifelong friends. Consider attending just long enough to make friends. If one church seems hyporcritical to you, move on to the next. Be up front when you go. Tell them you don't believe in God and don't want to be patronized, but that you have been abused and just need a friend. Many people will be more than glad to be able to make a friend themselves. EDIT #2: Make sure to get regular exercise, sleep, and a balanced diet. Even just starting out walking 15 minutes 4 x week will help. Do your best to go to sleep and wake within the same hour daily, getting At Least 7 hours of sleep a night, and if on occasion, you don't, make up for it. Not taking care of yourself will only make you tired and / or sick, which will make it very difficult to feel confident, etc. I'm a certified personal trainer, by the way.

Answer 4

If you 'forget' about it, you'll basically be stuffing it into a corner of your mind, and eventually it will have to come out, and probably not in the way that you would like it too.

I would suggest talking to a therapist. Talking about these things is a very hard thing to do, but it will help you feel better about it. I work with women who have been abused and it makes a huge difference to talk to someone who has seen these things before and understands why you have that need for people to understand.

There is a lot of help out there, I promise. Do a web search for domestic violence in your area and you will find some numbers that you can call for help. Good luck, don't give up.

Answer 5

It's still raw it has been 8 years since my abuse and I still have had trouble even now with it , you do want justice and you want him to see what he has done I always did. Just stick on with your counselling you'll never forget but overtime it will be easier to deal with. It's hard for people to understand what your thinking and feeling so the support they are giving may be all that they can give to you. You are helping yourself which is the most important thing and you will get better in time just keep working at it and stay as strong as you can.

Answer 6

It's the feeling of aloneness that we dislike so much, but even when we talk we can still be misunderstood and that hurts too. Right now I am not talking to anyone because I have been hurt again by things going on around me that are so wrong and in some cases illegal, but the legal system is already bogged down with really bad folks and it has no time for the rest of us. Time always helps me, I re program my mind with books, music and anything that is soothing. We all heal in our own time. And the great spirit of the universe loves you, too.

Answer 7

> friends are supportive, but they do think that I should forget about the whole thing now. <

That is nutty, it comes from those who might simply think you can get by underwater by simply 'forgetting how to breath.'

'Big Red Balloon'

Oh, sorry, forget I ever mentioned it, in fact I don't WANT you to remember it, I want you to forget all about I mentioned it.

Ok? How's it going?

It's an almost impossible thing to do, to forget something that caused you pains of the physical and emotional varieties. It's akin to trying to grab ahold of a fistful of water.

You want people to possibly understand some of your experiences so that you do not feel alone, so that you do NOT HAVE TO TRY TO explain your self and your experience.

In 03, after six weeks in intensive care, on leaving the hospital my wife and I ran into the first nurse who had nursed me on my arrival ~ and now the last member of staff to witness my departure ~ someone who stated, ''It's nice to see you on your own two feet, not something I'd have put money on.''

She had been the person who had been intently THERE helping me survive ~ day after day ...and I just did not recognise her!!!

She had been intimately involved with me and ~ I didn't know her......!

It struck me as 'weird' that I didn't know her - in spite of my knowing FULL WELL that I'd been unconscious PLUS out of my tree at times, but it still upset me that 'I did not know her.'

Then, at the last moment, just before saying goodbye, I recognised her screwy haircut and I suddenly KNEW that I knew her!

What also upset me was that I didn’t feel what I wanted to feel, towards her ~ and at the last moment when I did recognise her, I wasn't able to convey any of this internal stuff going on in me ~ the confusion of thought and none feelings......!

Then, on actually having to say 'goodbye', I did give her a hug, but at the very last moment, it felt so ineffectual in my sudden onrush of my feelings of gratitude.

My desire to express my incredible mess of confused feelings and none feeling has had me writing about this off an on ever since - to try and get across just what my experience was like ~ because I need to make that connection.

Whether any of this is the same or similar for you ~ in your 'needs'....! I do hope that you find the help that you need.

Best wishes.
Sash.

Answer 8

you want people to understand because it feels better when someone knows what you've been through, they can sympathize. if you can't get another court case, you may not be able to get justice in the legal system. i don't know what exactly happened to you, but if you feel you have been abused you should try to find a group of people who have been through similar things. it may help you to feel better. you could try an abuse hotline or a women's center.

Answer 9

sorry to say this to you but why give a fcuk what anybody else thinks no one can truly understand what you went through you need to do this by your self in order to see past the abuse you suffered get proper counselling and after you can look for retribution you will be able to fight for justice when you have a clear head

Answer 10

It is good that you are talking about it. Something happened to me when I was 11 and I never told anyone. It has eaten away at me, I can't help to wonder how much better off today if I had talked to someone. Keep talking, maybe find a group to help you cope. The best revenge is to be healthy and whole.