Should I leave?

Question

My husband ignored me for over a year. I did the wrong thing and cheated behind his back. He found out and we decieded to make it work. Then he starts to cheat on me with three different women in front of my face. I get that he wants "revenge" I accepted it and now we are back at square one. Im tired of trying everything. I want attention. Im not a gimme gimme gimme person, but a hug and kiss weekly would be nice. We wont tell me that he loves me or hardly any affection unless its sex. I have told him over and over that im sorry, he wont say a thing about what he has done. Im done with the relationship but everytime I say Im going to leave and go back to my home town, he begs me not to. But nothing ever changes. I know Im not perfect, but am I taking to much. When its good between us its good, but it never is. Should I just choke it up and leave? I dont know what to do.

We have been going to a therapist. Several months now. Nothing has changed.

Answer 1

have u ever considered christian counseling, where they could teach u how to get the love back. u both hurt each other by cheating, why not try therapy together, just seems as if neither of u really know how to restore the marriage.

Answer 2

I know how you feel cause I did something to my lover and he didn't speak to me for months.He didn't answer my calls or anything but i did not give up cause i just somehow knew that he still loved me and he was really hurting.

ok. First of all you say he ignored you for over a year so the problem goes much deeper than the marital infidelities that took place afterwards. Only you know the answer to this.

Your husband cheated in your face because he was obviously very hurt and wanted to hurt you just as much and more but cheating to get even does not make the person hurt any less, it almost always makes them feel worse cause now they've lowered their standard as well, hence it solves nothing.

I'm not making excuses for him just saying that by the way. It seems to me however that you are still very much in love with him and he with you since you are here looking for answers to salvage the relationship,after all you only cheated cause you felt neglected. he obviously is still in love with you cause he does not want you to leave.Yes it may seem as if all is lost but don't give up just yet.

what I did to help my relationship is I found some help online but it may not be for everyone. I think you will find it very helpful cause now we are so much closer and so much more in love.I thank God everyday for the information I received.Forgiveness really played an important part in moving forward as well.
this is where I found it and it was also featured on a radio show as you will see when you read the page.This is practical and it takes some getting used to but persevere and you will be triumphant.

www.tinyurl.com/2anoga

This is the relationship advice I found and I wish you all the best in your quest to renew your relationship.Email me and tell em how it works out a couple months from now.
[e-mail]

If you choose not to go that way and you feel like your marriage is over then I wish you the best anyway.

Answer 3

What kind of craziness is this? You decided to make it work...so his idea of working on a better relationship is to scr*w around trying to get revenge, treat you like a sex object, and withhold affection. I am not condoning what you did, but he has to decide to forgive and reconnect. You need to sit down and talk about this seriously. Sometimes if you make an "appoinment" to talk, rather than just letting a disagreement lead to a discussion, you get your point across. Before you talk think about what you really want. He has begged you not to leave several times and you relented. Now he knows his behavior doesn't have to change, all he has to do when he is a "bad boy" is to beg...and everything starts all over. When you do talk, tell him just that. Then ask that he go to a counselor with you, if he refuses you know he has no intention of making it work. Then you can make your decision.

Answer 4

Its obvious both of you can not forget about the past. He says he forgives you but dosen't act like it. If you were truly happy you woulndn't of cheated in the first place. If he loved you he wouldn't of cheated for revenge(childish). Both of you need to grow up. You guys need to figure out if it is gonna work. If not you need to move on. If you said sorry and stopped the cheating and devoted your love, character, and self to him and he is not doing the same then there is nothing you can do. Its tough at first but you got to keep your mind off it and preoccupy yourself. Maybe you need someone to relight your fire or just a new start.

Answer 5

I would leave. He doesn't give you what you need, like love and attention, in a non-sexual way. It doesn't matter if he "loves" you, he refuses to be the type of husband you need. Granted, what you did was wrong, but what he did was wrong too. He sounds very juvenile and manipulative.

Do you like being in a roller coaster relationship? This type of relationship usually doesn't change. Show some respect for yourself and move on!

Answer 6

HI, I am sorry this has happened in your relationship. However, I would ask you....do you love him? He must love you somewhat, as he does ask you not to leave. Now, if there is love still there, then I would say your marriage has a chance!

First, is true forgiveness and recognizing that you both need to stay the focus of affection! If you love each other...your relationship is the most important thing to work on. If there is no love....no forgiveness....I do not see much hope.

However, if there's love, I ask that you pray, ask God to guide you and to give you direction. Seek Him in and with your heart on this as marriage is not to be entered into lightly!!

In as much, I am going to be praying for you and your marriage. I pray you will reach out to the One who can make a difference. I ask God to touch your husband and bring true forgiveness forth. May you be blessed, in the Lord and in your marriage.

If you need to talk...e-mail me,
gail

Answer 7

I agree with Gail, and I think she gave you some great advice and if you do need a strong shoulder to talk to she is good at that. I will also be praying for you. I have a similar past and I know where you are coming from. It is going to take a lot of work. Believe me. Something must be there....he doesn't want you to leave.. he doesn't .tell him you need affection and you want to have a loving marriage with him. Pour your heart out to him. I know I have been exactly where you are at. If you need me you can email me also, Gail is a very very good person.

Prayer warrior

Answer 8

Have you tried counseling? If you're that unhappy, maybe a trial absence would be best. Absence does make the heart grow fonder & if that doesn't tell you something, than it sounds like you may want to leave permanently. If you leave for a short while & come back to the same B.S., than yes, I'd say leave as you deserve to be happy.

Answer 9

Sounds like he cannot forgive you, nor forget. Is his love for you gone? I wouldn't want to live like this. I would probably leave. I would quit telling him sorry, he owes you an apology too cuz he had his fun as well. I would leave him and then maybe just keep in contact, maybe start over again with him as just a friend and see if you can rebuild from there.

Answer 10

Friend...I would start with why he begs you not to leave. This tells me there is still something there. But at this point, I would also tell him seeing other women is no longer an option of his. It is time for him to give only his attention to you.