My husband gambled away our house fund in Vegas! What do I do?

Question

We just got married in June, and we are saving everything that we can so that we can move out of our crappy apartment and into a starter home. We even already told all of our family that we are going to do a small Christmas this year, and also agreed not to even buy for eachother. Then he took a work trip for a sales convention to Vegas. He was only there Monday-today and he gambled away $600! It may not seem like much to you, but to us newlyweds that is a fortune!

I am just so hurt that he doesnt seem to care about our home and the goals that we set for ourselves, or about me! He gets home late tonight. How do I approach this? I am SO angry...

Okay, stop misreading the question. It is not the $600 that makes me so upset. It is the fact that he went out and just threw it away when we have an agreement not to do stuff like that. I really dont appreciate the sarcastic answers. I am honeslty looking for advice.

And we dont live in Vegas, he went there for a work trip.

Answer 1

Become a street walker, its good money...

Answer 2

Have a heart to heart talk with him. People make mistakes, and I'm sure he wasn't thinking when he did this. A place like Vegas can be very addicting. Talk to him and explain how this makes you feel. Do it in a calm manner, yelling, crying, etc., will get you no where. If you speak to him calmly but firm and explain to him how every cent matters for your future right now, you may be able to get an understanding as to why he did it. Like I said, it may have easily have been poor judgement. He may have been thinking that he could double up the money and add even more to the funds. Communication is key. Don't listen to some of these people on here who simply say "divorce." You are just starting a new life together, there are going to be mistakes and you will both learn from them. Once you speak about this and you both come to an agreement, then move on and don't bring it up again, unless it happens again.

Good luck.

Answer 3

He may not have a gambling problem, but just got caught up in the heat of the moment. Everyone thinks the next hand will be the one that wins the money back. I think that the bright side of this is that he just learned a $600 lesson now, and not a $20,000 lesson when you had saved a little more.

You need to sit down and talk to him. It's fair and reasonable that you let him know how disappointed you are. You can ask him how he felt when he was gambling, if it was an impulse he couldn't control. Listen to what he has to say.

It's also a good opportunity for you to strengthen your marriage by forgiving him if he is truly sorry. Ask him what he is willing to give up to make the money up. Ramen noodles for lunch and no cable TV?

If you make his life hell, it will come back to bite you when you pay too much for something.

Answer 4

Unfortunately he lost the $, but it could have been worse! As long as he's not close enough to frequent a casino, you should be fine! However, If he continues to gamble, it will not change unlesss you leave him altogether. I know for a fact, because it happened to me. It was so bad and even got to the point to where I lost our home and lost my marriage due too those darn places. If he goes, just make sure you are on the same page about how much you are willing to lose. It's not that he doesn't love or care about you, it's just that he seems to have A COMPULSIVE DISORDER and couldn't control himself at the time. I also know that if he had access to any kind of money (ie: credit cards, checks, debit cards) at the time, then he would have donated it all. A compulsive person will stop @ nothing just to hit that big one. He will use all resources and nothing will stop him unles you are right next to him to monitor him. I know I sound harsh, but this is the way it is. Hopefully you don't live too close to casino's. If so, then you need to be in total control over the finances. GOOD LUCK to you and your marriage.

Answer 5

You need to sit down and have a serious talk. Maybe he got caught up in the moment, lost some money, felt bad and then kept trying to make it up so he didn't have to face you and just ended up completely in the hole. Yes, it's awful. Is he genuinely sorry? Did he 'fess up right away or try to hide it from you? Is this a one time thing or the latest in a string of bad decisions? Tell him you are angry and disappointed, but be open to his explanation and his apology. Forgive him, AND make a plan that this will not happen again. Be honest that you feel somewhat betrayed and that that's not an acceptable place to be in your marriage. If you have any indication at all that this is part of a bigger problem - with gambling or otherwise - then make attending counseling part of the deal now.

Answer 6

Tell him. Communication is the key to a succesful marriage. He needs to know when you're upset, even if that means you have a row now and then.

However, stop and think for a moment. Have you been putting too MUCH pressure on yourselves to save? You should allow yourselves a small treat now and then, otherwise you'll explode. And maybe that's what happened to your husband.

Also remember that he was at a sales convention with a lot of guys. I bet many of them would have gambled away far, far more than $600 at that convention. They would have teased him and given him a very hard time if he refused to gamble - and these are work colleagues remember, and he needs to maintain his status in their eyes. So make sure you give him a chance to explain his side of the story, too.

Answer 7

What you need to do is:
1. Sit down and talk to him about what he did.
2. Make and think about it for awhile.
3. Ask him what is he going to do to fix this problem.
4. Tell him that he needs to be more responsible.
5. Tell him that you two are married and whatever decision that he makes it needs to between the two of you because you are married now.
6. Make him work double time to get that money back and then still have time to spend with you while he's working that debt off.
7. Also try to stop him from gambling because it is a really bad thing and it is very addictive; that's not healthy.

Lift your head up girl better days will come and God will help you out!

Answer 8

I don't blame you for being angry - I would be too! What a dumb, dumb thing to do! I think he got carried away. I am sure he knows he has been really stupid and he will probably be very very shamefaced when he gets home.

He will be expecting you to be angry and upset. Maybe wait and see what he says. Perhaps he has something in mind to make it up to you. Try not to let it wreck your new marriage. Think - how long will it take you to save up that amount again?

3 months? A year? even 5 years? Well, ok. So that's X amount of savings time blown. You will have to wait a little longer before you get a house together. But you still have the rest of your lives to spend together. Is it worth spoiling that over $600?

Answer 9

Oh, yuck!

Has he gambled uncontrollably before? If so, ask him to go into Gamblers Anonymous, and if he won't, do it yourself, or ask GA about this.

If this is the first and only time he's done this, tell him how angry and disappointed you are, but don't insult him. Attack the act, not the person. You might want to get a third neutral party to talk about this with you both, such as a clergyperson. Be willing to forgive him, but don't dismiss this like it's nothing. Find ways to help him check and control his behavior so that he doesn't do this again.

Either way, chances are he feels crappy about this. He may need a good friend or trusted relative or counselor to help him sort out his feelings. Stand by him, but also hold him accountable for his actions.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 10

Oh, I would be so pissed. I would probably go to the bank and open up a separate bank account and start saving there. Maybe see about having no checks, no way of withdrawing the funds unless you go to the bank itself.

He was probably trying to hit it big. Maybe the other guys put pressure on him to keep playing...I'd probably follow up with a "were her boobs that big that you became a brainless twit?" lol. Then demand to know if he did -ANYTHING ELSE- while he was there.

I'd probably sign him up to the nearest gambling anonymous group...and tell him how would he feel if you blew all of the money on spa treatment?

However, at the end of the day, none of that is going to bring back the money. Just let him know that your Christmas has been ruined. Your dreams are now down the toliet. I'd at least tell your mom. I always need someone to talk to, to ease the burden of a problem.

I'm really sorry it happened :(

Answer 11

I yhink you are very lucky it was only $600 ,some people gmble away alot more than that ..Also get out of the marriage or get all his wages paid into a safe account.

My father was a gambler and drunk ,and when mom starts to ask where is the money for food rent gas and electricity .He of course cannot stand the pressure because he does not have the money ,so the only way to stop this pressure is too go and have a drink ,however as the money has gone, he has to beat the questioner to stop the pressure of answering difficult questions .

get out now ,or the first time he beats you.